L
As I woke up this morning,
Something had led me to write about my father .
Lately,I've been thinking a lot about the fact of considering God's nature as a Father ..
I've come to realize in my life that this concept is very hard for me to accept sometimes...
Recently I have realized is that our relationship with God is much influenced by our past experiences in our life and the influence that people have on our lives.
So I suppose that my natural father had a big influence on my life.
Before writing about my dad I want to assure you that my natural father is a very good person and he's always been.He's a very hardworking person and he's always been one of those people who don't talk much,well I'd say that He never speaks.. lol...and my mom is the opposite person...! Lol
So,what I'm writing about him here concerns some bad attitude in his way of speaking but always in a good manner because he's always been a respectful person.
I was thinking lately how my relationship with my dad influenced me and my life and I honestly have to acknowledge that this has influenced my spiritual life too.
Although he's always been a good person, during my lifetime until now,my father shew me many imperfections in his life which led us to have a difficult relationship.
Just to make some examples, I remember that his attitude of being so introvert has led him many times to talk in a very rude way when he felt I was accusing him of something(what I mean is like yelling,using bad words): his words hurt me a lot and led me to stay away from him. When i was younger, I didn't realize that the more He shew himself so rudely the more I felt him far from me. I mean,He's always been a good person,but his rudeness could kill our relationship in a figurative sense.Our relationship was fragile also because I didn't have the same interests as his,so I already had difficulty in talking with him about anything.We're different,different hobbies,different lifestyle,different..! lol
.
I remember many times in which his attitude led me to stay away from him.. The more i stayed away from him,the more I suffered for all of this,the more I felt in my heart a kind of "wall" between me and him.
The more I grew up the more I started to see him like a stranger to me.
What I hated the most about his attitude was his silence. He never expressed his feelings a lot.
All of this hurt me a lot but in the same time I started to ignore him, I mean I just knew I had a father,but in my mind I've always thought :"What's the use of having a father?". Many times I've wondered why some people were so happy and got so emotional talking about their fathers.. I couldn't feel this feeling for my father.
"Yes,he's a good hardworking man,he bringd money home, but he's never showed me anything else...!"
- I've often thought like that.
Years went by and I think that most of my spiritual growth was due to this situation with my father. The more my father behaved rudely, the more I ran to God to seek him and find him as a Father. The difficulty I've found during these years was to realize God as a Father. Unconsciously I was trying to reject my natural father's figure and trying to "looking for another father". Why? Because even if my natural father has been a good person,because of his rudeness and the lack of his encouragement toward me, I've ended up thinking that He's not showed me what I think a father must show : Love. So,having this bad concept about him,I started to feel like I had "divorced" from my natural father. Everytime we met at home I just said "Hi dad". I decided of not talking to him about anything but for some urgent requests and I chose to talk to him in a very cold way. I can honestly say that it was like talking to a stranger.
Very often I've envied those people who were fathers and they behaved so lovingly to their children. Many times I've felt tired,frustrated,lonely because of the bad attitude of my dad ,but all of this had created a wall between me and my dad and I reached the point in which I didn't feel anything for him. It was incredible but all of my hatred inside was leading me to destroy my concept of a loving father,too. You know what? I was inconsciously relying on God as God,but not as a Father. How could I see God as a Father? My natural father had been imperfect,so I couldn't accept God as a Father:it'd be like accepting an imperfect God.. but this opened the door to many christian "spiritual" moments in which I had a religious approach to God. I said I loved God,but I often felt inside I was not worthy of God,not worthy of His Love.I wanted to feel close to God,but everytime I thought of him a father,I felt him so far from me. Yes, my relationship with my natural father and my reaction to all of my sufferance was destroying the real relationship one could have with God : a God of Love,a God as a Father... a True Father ...
I had realized this about some years ago, when I couldn't feel God so near into my life.
I felt there was something strange in my relationship with God. I felt his love,but when something happened between me and my dad,I started to feel God far from me, as if God was angry at me,as if God had abandoned me. I thought God could act like my natural father. I felt sad in my heart coz I thought God had abandoned me..
I prayed for all of this hurting my life,and the Spirit led me understand a very important thing: I had to decide to forgive my natural father ..yes,forgive...
"But i'm right,Lord...!"- I claimed - "He's been wrong in many things, yes he's a good father,but I don't feel like I love him...". Then the Spirit reminded me and showed me a very important thing. My Father grew up without a father and his charachter - being introvert or acting rudely - led him very often to live "alone" all of his bad moments in his life.I had to understand that even if my natural father has been very often an "absent" father, he himself didn't want to be like that. His nature was influenced by his past experience. Would I allow his attitude to influence my life with him and my relationship with God?
The Spirit made me realize that my father could not give me what he couldn't have. Why should I claim a love that my father couldn't feel for himself too,maybe? Was my right concept of having a perfect father more important than God's mercy for his mistakes...? and guess what? Was my concept of christianity right having this attitude toward my father?.. All of these questions - and many more -opened a door into my heart : it was God's love for me...and for my dad...
Since that moment,I realized God was going to show me His Perfect Love of a Father, but I had to forgive my natural father.
I tried to ask God to forgive my attitude toward my Dad. I wanted to forgive my Dad,but It was very very hard ... Everytime I tried to , I started to think about all of the things he told me during my life,all of my hatred for having a father I considered like he was a "stranger" to me ,all of the time I've felt alone and abandoned ... It was very hard... but after so many times of struggle and tears ,step by step I could see God's love becoming greater into my life and I could feel that all of that hatred towards my Dad was vanishing.
The more I felt God's love and help in my life,the more I could forgive my natural father's attitude towards me.
Yes, I had forgiven my Dad because I am his son but both me and my dad need a Father: God.
I've also realized that my father loves me,but he can't express his love because of his charachter,but God's love is going to fulfill every need I have everyday.
Now He's still rude sometimes,but it's different .We all are human beings and Jesus's sacrifice has led me to see my natural Dad in a different way.
Even if still today there could be moments in which I could feel down for all of this, I can honestly say that God's love can heal any wound inside our hearts.
Only God's love could heal my wounds and could make me understand that His Perfect Love is the perfect Love I need.
So,my encouragement for you is that You could understand that "God is Love" means much more than our ideas of Love
:
God Bless You.
LoveIsTheKey
Something had led me to write about my father .
Lately,I've been thinking a lot about the fact of considering God's nature as a Father ..
I've come to realize in my life that this concept is very hard for me to accept sometimes...
Recently I have realized is that our relationship with God is much influenced by our past experiences in our life and the influence that people have on our lives.
So I suppose that my natural father had a big influence on my life.
Before writing about my dad I want to assure you that my natural father is a very good person and he's always been.He's a very hardworking person and he's always been one of those people who don't talk much,well I'd say that He never speaks.. lol...and my mom is the opposite person...! Lol
So,what I'm writing about him here concerns some bad attitude in his way of speaking but always in a good manner because he's always been a respectful person.
I was thinking lately how my relationship with my dad influenced me and my life and I honestly have to acknowledge that this has influenced my spiritual life too.
Although he's always been a good person, during my lifetime until now,my father shew me many imperfections in his life which led us to have a difficult relationship.
Just to make some examples, I remember that his attitude of being so introvert has led him many times to talk in a very rude way when he felt I was accusing him of something(what I mean is like yelling,using bad words): his words hurt me a lot and led me to stay away from him. When i was younger, I didn't realize that the more He shew himself so rudely the more I felt him far from me. I mean,He's always been a good person,but his rudeness could kill our relationship in a figurative sense.Our relationship was fragile also because I didn't have the same interests as his,so I already had difficulty in talking with him about anything.We're different,different hobbies,different lifestyle,different..! lol
. I remember many times in which his attitude led me to stay away from him.. The more i stayed away from him,the more I suffered for all of this,the more I felt in my heart a kind of "wall" between me and him.
The more I grew up the more I started to see him like a stranger to me.
What I hated the most about his attitude was his silence. He never expressed his feelings a lot.
All of this hurt me a lot but in the same time I started to ignore him, I mean I just knew I had a father,but in my mind I've always thought :"What's the use of having a father?". Many times I've wondered why some people were so happy and got so emotional talking about their fathers.. I couldn't feel this feeling for my father.
"Yes,he's a good hardworking man,he bringd money home, but he's never showed me anything else...!"
- I've often thought like that.
Years went by and I think that most of my spiritual growth was due to this situation with my father. The more my father behaved rudely, the more I ran to God to seek him and find him as a Father. The difficulty I've found during these years was to realize God as a Father. Unconsciously I was trying to reject my natural father's figure and trying to "looking for another father". Why? Because even if my natural father has been a good person,because of his rudeness and the lack of his encouragement toward me, I've ended up thinking that He's not showed me what I think a father must show : Love. So,having this bad concept about him,I started to feel like I had "divorced" from my natural father. Everytime we met at home I just said "Hi dad". I decided of not talking to him about anything but for some urgent requests and I chose to talk to him in a very cold way. I can honestly say that it was like talking to a stranger.
Very often I've envied those people who were fathers and they behaved so lovingly to their children. Many times I've felt tired,frustrated,lonely because of the bad attitude of my dad ,but all of this had created a wall between me and my dad and I reached the point in which I didn't feel anything for him. It was incredible but all of my hatred inside was leading me to destroy my concept of a loving father,too. You know what? I was inconsciously relying on God as God,but not as a Father. How could I see God as a Father? My natural father had been imperfect,so I couldn't accept God as a Father:it'd be like accepting an imperfect God.. but this opened the door to many christian "spiritual" moments in which I had a religious approach to God. I said I loved God,but I often felt inside I was not worthy of God,not worthy of His Love.I wanted to feel close to God,but everytime I thought of him a father,I felt him so far from me. Yes, my relationship with my natural father and my reaction to all of my sufferance was destroying the real relationship one could have with God : a God of Love,a God as a Father... a True Father ...
I had realized this about some years ago, when I couldn't feel God so near into my life.
I felt there was something strange in my relationship with God. I felt his love,but when something happened between me and my dad,I started to feel God far from me, as if God was angry at me,as if God had abandoned me. I thought God could act like my natural father. I felt sad in my heart coz I thought God had abandoned me..
I prayed for all of this hurting my life,and the Spirit led me understand a very important thing: I had to decide to forgive my natural father ..yes,forgive...
"But i'm right,Lord...!"- I claimed - "He's been wrong in many things, yes he's a good father,but I don't feel like I love him...". Then the Spirit reminded me and showed me a very important thing. My Father grew up without a father and his charachter - being introvert or acting rudely - led him very often to live "alone" all of his bad moments in his life.I had to understand that even if my natural father has been very often an "absent" father, he himself didn't want to be like that. His nature was influenced by his past experience. Would I allow his attitude to influence my life with him and my relationship with God?
The Spirit made me realize that my father could not give me what he couldn't have. Why should I claim a love that my father couldn't feel for himself too,maybe? Was my right concept of having a perfect father more important than God's mercy for his mistakes...? and guess what? Was my concept of christianity right having this attitude toward my father?.. All of these questions - and many more -opened a door into my heart : it was God's love for me...and for my dad...
Since that moment,I realized God was going to show me His Perfect Love of a Father, but I had to forgive my natural father.
I tried to ask God to forgive my attitude toward my Dad. I wanted to forgive my Dad,but It was very very hard ... Everytime I tried to , I started to think about all of the things he told me during my life,all of my hatred for having a father I considered like he was a "stranger" to me ,all of the time I've felt alone and abandoned ... It was very hard... but after so many times of struggle and tears ,step by step I could see God's love becoming greater into my life and I could feel that all of that hatred towards my Dad was vanishing.
The more I felt God's love and help in my life,the more I could forgive my natural father's attitude towards me.
Yes, I had forgiven my Dad because I am his son but both me and my dad need a Father: God.
I've also realized that my father loves me,but he can't express his love because of his charachter,but God's love is going to fulfill every need I have everyday.
Now He's still rude sometimes,but it's different .We all are human beings and Jesus's sacrifice has led me to see my natural Dad in a different way.
Even if still today there could be moments in which I could feel down for all of this, I can honestly say that God's love can heal any wound inside our hearts.
Only God's love could heal my wounds and could make me understand that His Perfect Love is the perfect Love I need.
So,my encouragement for you is that You could understand that "God is Love" means much more than our ideas of Love
:
He's a Perfect Everlasting Forgiving Love
.God Bless You.
LoveIsTheKey
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