Lost.

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Live4Yeshua

Guest
#1
I've been saved for almost 4 yrs now. I was saved a day I opened my bible. I had been fasting, crying, praying, reading bible for 2 months for a miracle then one day I opened my bible and it said “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5:34 . From then I knew those words were specifically directed towards me and something inside me changed forever.

Since then alot has happened alot of up and downs. I have had supernatural encounters with Jesus and he has spoken to me in ways that convict me to make scary decisions but in the end turn out for my better. There are times that even when I'm not right with Him He will speak so loud and clearly. But the times where he's silent is where I get very angry at God. This is one of those moments. God asked me to quit my job and I understand it must've been because pride in my "own achievement" was getting the best of me. He's asked me to move towns. Now we live in another city. My husband, my children, and myself. We live with our inlaws who are co-Pastors of a church ; my father in law has a gift of prophecy. We can't go into their church because my husband left me for the Pastors daughter before we were married and when we tried visiting the pastor and her daughter threw me out of their church and said we should never return. I'm in constant pain. For many yrs I never faced it all and now Gods forcing me to confront my fears, my anger , my sorrow. Now it's here and even though in know its a huge test I feel I'm failing miserably. I don't have family, friends nor a church here. I feel so alone and I feel God doesn't love me. I feel my father in law knows what's wrong with me but I put this huge wall because I'm so hurt he continues to be in a church where they've cause me so much pain.... Many times I'm comparing myself to that girl. She's so beautiful and talented and unfortunately for me she knows my inlaws alot more than I do. I feel left out and unloved. I have a huge sense of not belonging and I can't see my purpose here. Ever since we got here my husband and I fight and I've thought of divorce many times cause I can't take the pain. I've tried letting it go, forgiving but it's been one of the hardest things for me to do putting me up against such blessed people and making me so little....I'm lost.
 
Mar 18, 2011
2,540
22
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#2
:) hello. I am Jeff. I know this all must be so difficult. I know what it's like to feel all alone (believe me) but I don't know what its like to be married and move away from everything and everyone I know to be with a spouse who has so many connections that have nothing to do with me. On top of that to have all of these encounters involving people of a church is somewhat unimaginable. How can someone ask a child of God to not return to Gods house? unless of course they do not consider it God's house but their own.
Very often I find that we have our greatest moments with God only when we are at our completely lowest point. I'm sure you are aware that it isn't until we lose everything and nobody is left to be there for us that we completely give ourselves to God. In those moments His perfect love shines through just in time to literally "save us" from ourselves and the world. Don't be troubled child of God. It may appear you walk in darkness but you are not alone, there is a cloud before your eyes. This moment is likened to a child who is learning to ride a bicycle, the parent says "I won't let go, I won't let go." and suddenly the child realizes that they had indeed let go, but it wasn't so that the child would fall, it was so the child could learn to ride. Look at a bird, it is raised in a nest, high above the ground, but it will never fly unless it is pushed from the nest when it is ready. Rest assured, you are indeed ready. Your strength is the Lord and trust that you have Him. More importantly, He has you. What do you do now you ask? every chance you are alone pray, not the scared, troubled prayer of someone in doubt. But a blessed, thankful, excited, loving prayer from someone who just can't wait to speak to there dad/best friend,counselor and KING OF KINGS :)

God bless you sweet sister of all of the children of the Most High God, in Christ Jesus, Amen.
 
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Live4Yeshua

Guest
#3
Thank you for your reply brother Jeff. It has uplifted my spirit and given me hope. You ask how someone could do such a thing? And it is for the same reason you've stated. But I pray things have changed for them and they've repented. The devil is always at work and could also get in the hearts of leaders. That's why I'm very careful of what church I'm committing to stay and I pray God leads my to the right place with the right people because corruption does exist and is very real....thank you for your encouraging words in Christ and for your sincere prayers. I appreciate it. Let this all be for His Glory! God Bless you too!!
 
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chel15

Guest
#4
hello, im chelsea. your testimony has really opened my eyes to see what you and others r going through but always remember that you can do all thing through christ who gives you strength........ And the way i look at it the pastor and her daughter has no right to keep u from going to that church because its GOD'S house not theirs.... but i will keep you in my prayers... i hope everything gets better for you sister..
 
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Hal51

Guest
#5
Wow I dont know if it is the enemy or what but something powreful is keeping me from responding to you, this is my third attempt. I am very moved by your dilema and would very much like to help. I live in a transition house, a Christian based transition house and I have 12 house mates. At one point I was surrounded by cussing and breaking of the rules right here in the house of God. The rule for that here at gateway house is to tell the Pastor. I did just that but it kept right on with no change. I prayed very ernestly on this matter and that tiny voice said " hit them with scripture". Hebrews 4:12 says For the Word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a dicerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. The Word of God straighten out my fellow house mates and Im sure it can help you.
 
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Live4Yeshua

Guest
#6
What you've responded almost made me tear up. Thank you for pushing to reply. I definitely agree I do need to fill myself up more with the Word of God. I haven't been reading the bible the way I used to. I usually just read a verse on my phone app. Knowing now that it's been difficult for you to reply with this is making me realize exactly what the enemy doesn't want me to be doing right now.& it's exactly what I'm going to do! Thank you brother I appreciate it and thank you for your prayers. god Bless you!
 
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Live4Yeshua

Guest
#7
Thank you sister. Thank you for your uplifting words and prayers.i appreciate it so much. God Bless!
 
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chel15

Guest
#8
your more than welcome