A
There is time we want to ask that question. Why that is happening? Why did we meet them?
And we can go on and on try to answer that, using only basic information.
There is time I think I’m dreaming and that is not my life, it can’t be.
3 months have gone from 2013 and already I face so many unexpected situation – some good, some bad – like there wasn’t a word ‘retirement’ in my dictionary.
I have already made up my mind to go into solitude with other people and felt in peace with myself.
So how can I explane that someone which refuse to have something to do in my life – come back and try even harder to win me back as a friend.
I was honest to her and told her that I never really like her – hash – but I’m fed up pretending something for a high cause. Now – I grow to be indifferent with a slight positive tough – I think the way we feel about ourselves we bring to the world.
I know now why she needs me – she is just lonely and finds difficult to admit that and difficult to find someone who is patience with her ‘long hours talking’ which can be challenging at times. I understand her way of talking – and she is easy to tune to – which make it easier to me.
She got an idea to convers me into a real Christian – now I’m not that real - yet - anyway.
The most challenging thing for me was to accept my wicknesses – I refuse at first and want a war with it, but in the end I have to let go – otherwise I will go mad.
I met few wick points in me – and didn’t like it – more hate it – and was very disappointed.
It felt like your best friend become suddenly the worst nightmare.
I felt depress and disappointed and consider even to move to Tibet to have a brain wash – but couldn’t find any place to go.
I only then understood that ‘positive books/thinking’ can help for a while but can’t fix the problem – it needs constant work and observation. Decided to study Antonio de Mello again all his work and Nick Vujici books and you tube talking – and it all give me some hope that despite all good turn into ash – there is still a hope and that is why I’m still here writing that.
God after my total crush into the dust gave me a dream – at first I ignore it, since this kind of dream I had few times before and didn’t pay attention then either.
Why did I come back to it?
My mother said the day after I had a dream that odd thing happen in the house – small fire burning a pray book and a picture of Marry. That never happen before to her – and because that happen a day before that dream – I recollect it and took seriously.
My interpretation of the dream was like that. I saw dark/dusty/cold place where I could see nothing except ruin of buildings and I felt fear and no hope and I wait for the worse to come. The overwelling feeling of luck of hope was so crushing that I could bread it with panicking heart. So I waited and waited and a dark/faceless person come to take me somewhere – and I knew and felt that it was the end = no matter where I will go.
Suddenly I hear the voice of hope from the ruin and dust – voice said the name of the book I used to read few years ago. Św. Ludwik Maria Grignion de Montfort TRAKTAT O PRAWDZIWYM NABOŻEŃSTWIE DO NAJŚWIĘTSZEJ MARYI PANNY.
I don’t care if that was illusion or no one will ever believe me – for me that was proof of someone caring about me enough to give me that dream in times of total darkness of my heart. I will never forget that and I feel first time in my life a trace of hope and for that reason – I will care on living but hopefuly this time for a reason.
Last challenge is meeting up someone who disliked me for a while and though not much of me since 2006 and now for reason unknown to me – is friendly and come specially to do his work on a day I’m working to talk with me. He still can stop himself from critics. His wife knows about this and each Thursday she calls him and asks him when he will be back – I’m starting thinking that he is doing that to make her jelouse to spice their relationship up (joking but you never know) but it put me in a situation I don’t know how I should act. It is difficult to meet up with someone if you bearly know the person and it is not your choice – and you are at work look after someone else. You end up confuse thinking you should spend more time with a guest or client or may be go out while both sitting close by. Let say it – I rather not be put in such a situation which I feel I have no a clue how to act. I don’t know even why he started to come on that day, while before he chooses different days to avoid me (he always was reserve to people).
Why do I write about that so long?
I’m starting to think that there are two reasons and two I dislike.
First – wants to find someone to critics to feel better.
Second – he started to like me and enjoy spending his time with me.
I know it sound odd that I dislike two reasons – I don’t know what to do now – I hope he will see his senses and change his day.
If I felt strong enough – I would may be even enjoy not knowing but now I have more things I like to put time on without worring what I should do or not do on that day.
It reminds me of a man who comes to do exercises with my client – he was so kind and good looking that I forgot my tang and how I was and where I was. Luckly that was the only day he came, otherwise I would have dread it the next time. I hate feeling that way about anyone – is like being in power of another human.
I knew on that day – that no smart/kind/perfect/beautiful man will ever take a freedom of my mind – like it happen a while ago – no matter what. I learn my lesion in a very hard way.
Good luck for all in love people but I just simply don’t want be one of them. Accepting and being nice to my husband is more than I ever could dream of, romantic love or even imagination of it simply stop interesting me as it did for years.
It doesn’t mean I can’t see the movies or listen to others stories – I don’t mind that. But freedom of mind and peace with myself and others along with learning of acceptance and respect – is worth giving up any illusion of temporary feeling or enjoyment.
And we can go on and on try to answer that, using only basic information.
There is time I think I’m dreaming and that is not my life, it can’t be.
3 months have gone from 2013 and already I face so many unexpected situation – some good, some bad – like there wasn’t a word ‘retirement’ in my dictionary.
I have already made up my mind to go into solitude with other people and felt in peace with myself.
So how can I explane that someone which refuse to have something to do in my life – come back and try even harder to win me back as a friend.
I was honest to her and told her that I never really like her – hash – but I’m fed up pretending something for a high cause. Now – I grow to be indifferent with a slight positive tough – I think the way we feel about ourselves we bring to the world.
I know now why she needs me – she is just lonely and finds difficult to admit that and difficult to find someone who is patience with her ‘long hours talking’ which can be challenging at times. I understand her way of talking – and she is easy to tune to – which make it easier to me.
She got an idea to convers me into a real Christian – now I’m not that real - yet - anyway.
The most challenging thing for me was to accept my wicknesses – I refuse at first and want a war with it, but in the end I have to let go – otherwise I will go mad.
I met few wick points in me – and didn’t like it – more hate it – and was very disappointed.
It felt like your best friend become suddenly the worst nightmare.
I felt depress and disappointed and consider even to move to Tibet to have a brain wash – but couldn’t find any place to go.
I only then understood that ‘positive books/thinking’ can help for a while but can’t fix the problem – it needs constant work and observation. Decided to study Antonio de Mello again all his work and Nick Vujici books and you tube talking – and it all give me some hope that despite all good turn into ash – there is still a hope and that is why I’m still here writing that.
God after my total crush into the dust gave me a dream – at first I ignore it, since this kind of dream I had few times before and didn’t pay attention then either.
Why did I come back to it?
My mother said the day after I had a dream that odd thing happen in the house – small fire burning a pray book and a picture of Marry. That never happen before to her – and because that happen a day before that dream – I recollect it and took seriously.
My interpretation of the dream was like that. I saw dark/dusty/cold place where I could see nothing except ruin of buildings and I felt fear and no hope and I wait for the worse to come. The overwelling feeling of luck of hope was so crushing that I could bread it with panicking heart. So I waited and waited and a dark/faceless person come to take me somewhere – and I knew and felt that it was the end = no matter where I will go.
Suddenly I hear the voice of hope from the ruin and dust – voice said the name of the book I used to read few years ago. Św. Ludwik Maria Grignion de Montfort TRAKTAT O PRAWDZIWYM NABOŻEŃSTWIE DO NAJŚWIĘTSZEJ MARYI PANNY.
I don’t care if that was illusion or no one will ever believe me – for me that was proof of someone caring about me enough to give me that dream in times of total darkness of my heart. I will never forget that and I feel first time in my life a trace of hope and for that reason – I will care on living but hopefuly this time for a reason.
Last challenge is meeting up someone who disliked me for a while and though not much of me since 2006 and now for reason unknown to me – is friendly and come specially to do his work on a day I’m working to talk with me. He still can stop himself from critics. His wife knows about this and each Thursday she calls him and asks him when he will be back – I’m starting thinking that he is doing that to make her jelouse to spice their relationship up (joking but you never know) but it put me in a situation I don’t know how I should act. It is difficult to meet up with someone if you bearly know the person and it is not your choice – and you are at work look after someone else. You end up confuse thinking you should spend more time with a guest or client or may be go out while both sitting close by. Let say it – I rather not be put in such a situation which I feel I have no a clue how to act. I don’t know even why he started to come on that day, while before he chooses different days to avoid me (he always was reserve to people).
Why do I write about that so long?
I’m starting to think that there are two reasons and two I dislike.
First – wants to find someone to critics to feel better.
Second – he started to like me and enjoy spending his time with me.
I know it sound odd that I dislike two reasons – I don’t know what to do now – I hope he will see his senses and change his day.
If I felt strong enough – I would may be even enjoy not knowing but now I have more things I like to put time on without worring what I should do or not do on that day.
It reminds me of a man who comes to do exercises with my client – he was so kind and good looking that I forgot my tang and how I was and where I was. Luckly that was the only day he came, otherwise I would have dread it the next time. I hate feeling that way about anyone – is like being in power of another human.
I knew on that day – that no smart/kind/perfect/beautiful man will ever take a freedom of my mind – like it happen a while ago – no matter what. I learn my lesion in a very hard way.
Good luck for all in love people but I just simply don’t want be one of them. Accepting and being nice to my husband is more than I ever could dream of, romantic love or even imagination of it simply stop interesting me as it did for years.
It doesn’t mean I can’t see the movies or listen to others stories – I don’t mind that. But freedom of mind and peace with myself and others along with learning of acceptance and respect – is worth giving up any illusion of temporary feeling or enjoyment.
