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I have been reading other personal testimonies and I thought I would share mine.
I was raised with my mom. She tried really hard to raise me the best she could. My child hood was really chaotic. My mom would take me to church and we were involved with church activities. My mother raised me by myself and I never met my father. My Grandmother helped my mom financialy support me and showed me lots of love and affection. My mother never told me she loved me and she never hugged or kissed me. She would show her love by taking me to church and buying me things that she could not really afford. When I was 9 or ten my mom and me were arguing and her boyfriend told her that she needed to correct me, she told him no and he said well if your not then I will. Her boyfriend started to beat me and I had never been physically hurt by anyone other than kids at school, I was tramatised by the experience. It happened several times after that and I can remember feeling like something was wrong with me and nobody loved me.
My mom met someone else and remarried. He was nice but I did not trust him because of what my moms last boyfriend had done to me. I started to see that he was nice and he would take me fishing and shopping all the time. He treated my mom really well to. After they married I was at church camp and the camp counselors told me my aunt was coming to pick me up. When they came they told me my moms boyfriend was in the hospital. I did not know he was dead until I got back home. He had an accident at work and died. My mom was pregnant with my brother and there was all of these things that were going on and I did not know how to handle them. I was 11 years old and questioned God. When I was 13 I started smoking ciggarettes, pot, and drinking alcohol. I loved parting and was not interested in church. If I went I went because my mom made me.
When I WAS 14 I started becoming sexualy active with boys that were a few years older than me. When I was 15 I went to a party with a guy that was like 13 years older than me. I went because I wanted to see his younger brother that was my age and when I went with this guy he forced me to have sex with him. I was drunk but I remembered every detail of what happened. I was crying and he wouldnt leave me alone. I cried and was upset but I tried to block it out of my life and move on. I was smoking pot and drinking everyday. I went to jail when I was 16 and my mom had to come and get me. I was always in some kind of trouble. I was almost killed in three car wrecks with my friends that were drinking and driving. When I turned 18 thats when I got with a drug dealer that was 13 years older than me. We woul get messed up and fight all the time. My boyfriend introduced me to harder drugs. I started doing pain killers and other types of pills. I became addicted to a certain pain killer called Oxy Contin it is a very string and powerful drug that is highly addictive. Its primary use is for terminaly ill patients.
When I started doing this drug my life changed it was even worse than before. I was doing so many drugs and I should have died. I got pregnant and my boyfriend left me and I stopped doing drugs. When I was pregnant with my daughter I would fantasize about drinking and getting high. I told myself that I would be ok to start using after she was born. After I had her the dr's gave me pain medicine and I was taking more than I was supposed to to feel the effects. I did not feel any pain and was unable to sleep. My addiction had started back up again. Its like it picked up right where I left off and I had a big tolerance to chemicals. It did not take long until my family noticed I was high agiain. I would leave my daughter with my mom and go hunt for drugs. I thought I was a good mother because I didnt take my baby to dope houses. ( That is completely crazy thinking) . My mom had filed for custidy of my daughter and I was crying and mad at her. I told my mom I would clean up. I went to detox and medically detoxed from drugs and alcohol. It was horrible I was so sick and in pain from the withdrawls I wanted to die. Even with the meds it was very painful and uncomortable. I told myself I would never use again because of that experience.
I left detox and I had plans to stay clean and sober.I went home and went to narcotics annonymous meetings and tried to stay clean. That did not work to long I went right back out there and was doing the same stuff I was doing before. I was arrested a couple times and had to go to jail. I thought I would get bailed out the last time but I got sentenced to 30 days in jail. When I got out I couldnt stay clean and I was drinking and stuff every night and every day. I would leave and get drugs and come home and pretend that everything was ok. I thought I had mental problems and tried to go to mental hospitals and get medicine but that did not help either. I was also against God I practiced witch craft and sorcery. I went to rehab and it took a while but I finally wanted a better life for me and my child. I went to meeting, and stayed clean for a year and then went back out and was still rebelling God and worshiping false idols.
I went to a faith based rehab and learned about God they told me I had to go to church and do bible studies. I was scared at first because I had anxiety from coming down off the drugs and I was afraid these people would be freaks. They where cool and they helped me to see that God was with me all along. At the other rehab I went to the talked about a higher power and thet told us we could stay clean by making up a higher power. This place was different I felt God working in my life. I have had alot of things that I have had to deal with but I am finaly free. I owe it all to God I am able to stay clean because of his unfailing love for me and his forgiveness.
I was raised with my mom. She tried really hard to raise me the best she could. My child hood was really chaotic. My mom would take me to church and we were involved with church activities. My mother raised me by myself and I never met my father. My Grandmother helped my mom financialy support me and showed me lots of love and affection. My mother never told me she loved me and she never hugged or kissed me. She would show her love by taking me to church and buying me things that she could not really afford. When I was 9 or ten my mom and me were arguing and her boyfriend told her that she needed to correct me, she told him no and he said well if your not then I will. Her boyfriend started to beat me and I had never been physically hurt by anyone other than kids at school, I was tramatised by the experience. It happened several times after that and I can remember feeling like something was wrong with me and nobody loved me.
My mom met someone else and remarried. He was nice but I did not trust him because of what my moms last boyfriend had done to me. I started to see that he was nice and he would take me fishing and shopping all the time. He treated my mom really well to. After they married I was at church camp and the camp counselors told me my aunt was coming to pick me up. When they came they told me my moms boyfriend was in the hospital. I did not know he was dead until I got back home. He had an accident at work and died. My mom was pregnant with my brother and there was all of these things that were going on and I did not know how to handle them. I was 11 years old and questioned God. When I was 13 I started smoking ciggarettes, pot, and drinking alcohol. I loved parting and was not interested in church. If I went I went because my mom made me.
When I WAS 14 I started becoming sexualy active with boys that were a few years older than me. When I was 15 I went to a party with a guy that was like 13 years older than me. I went because I wanted to see his younger brother that was my age and when I went with this guy he forced me to have sex with him. I was drunk but I remembered every detail of what happened. I was crying and he wouldnt leave me alone. I cried and was upset but I tried to block it out of my life and move on. I was smoking pot and drinking everyday. I went to jail when I was 16 and my mom had to come and get me. I was always in some kind of trouble. I was almost killed in three car wrecks with my friends that were drinking and driving. When I turned 18 thats when I got with a drug dealer that was 13 years older than me. We woul get messed up and fight all the time. My boyfriend introduced me to harder drugs. I started doing pain killers and other types of pills. I became addicted to a certain pain killer called Oxy Contin it is a very string and powerful drug that is highly addictive. Its primary use is for terminaly ill patients.
When I started doing this drug my life changed it was even worse than before. I was doing so many drugs and I should have died. I got pregnant and my boyfriend left me and I stopped doing drugs. When I was pregnant with my daughter I would fantasize about drinking and getting high. I told myself that I would be ok to start using after she was born. After I had her the dr's gave me pain medicine and I was taking more than I was supposed to to feel the effects. I did not feel any pain and was unable to sleep. My addiction had started back up again. Its like it picked up right where I left off and I had a big tolerance to chemicals. It did not take long until my family noticed I was high agiain. I would leave my daughter with my mom and go hunt for drugs. I thought I was a good mother because I didnt take my baby to dope houses. ( That is completely crazy thinking) . My mom had filed for custidy of my daughter and I was crying and mad at her. I told my mom I would clean up. I went to detox and medically detoxed from drugs and alcohol. It was horrible I was so sick and in pain from the withdrawls I wanted to die. Even with the meds it was very painful and uncomortable. I told myself I would never use again because of that experience.
I left detox and I had plans to stay clean and sober.I went home and went to narcotics annonymous meetings and tried to stay clean. That did not work to long I went right back out there and was doing the same stuff I was doing before. I was arrested a couple times and had to go to jail. I thought I would get bailed out the last time but I got sentenced to 30 days in jail. When I got out I couldnt stay clean and I was drinking and stuff every night and every day. I would leave and get drugs and come home and pretend that everything was ok. I thought I had mental problems and tried to go to mental hospitals and get medicine but that did not help either. I was also against God I practiced witch craft and sorcery. I went to rehab and it took a while but I finally wanted a better life for me and my child. I went to meeting, and stayed clean for a year and then went back out and was still rebelling God and worshiping false idols.
I went to a faith based rehab and learned about God they told me I had to go to church and do bible studies. I was scared at first because I had anxiety from coming down off the drugs and I was afraid these people would be freaks. They where cool and they helped me to see that God was with me all along. At the other rehab I went to the talked about a higher power and thet told us we could stay clean by making up a higher power. This place was different I felt God working in my life. I have had alot of things that I have had to deal with but I am finaly free. I owe it all to God I am able to stay clean because of his unfailing love for me and his forgiveness.
