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Testimonies

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Thread: My Testimony - Only read if you like long testimonies ;-)

  1. #1
    taylor_11
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    Wink My Testimony - Only read if you like long testimonies ;-)

    This is only my second day on this site and I never planned on disclosing my full testimony so soon -Actually I have never told the full version to anyone. - But I feel like this is an okay place to tell it. I will try to explain it as clearly as possible, but this is a very confusing and emotional thing for me. I am sure that in a community this size their is at least 1 person who needs to hear this message and I pray that God will use my testimony to bless somebody else.

    My father abandoned me when I was 4. I have never known him, nor do I even know what he looks like. That same year my mom married Clark...I will not say much about him other than he is not a good man and he made my life hell, even after he and my mom divorced when I was 12 and he disowned me. This is when I started taking my doubts about God and Christianity more seriously. I wanted to believe in a God, but no matter where I looked I could not find a reason why I should believe that He existed. I eventually came to dismiss any idea of God. I became a very angry and depressed teenager and began contemplating suicide. Every day was more painful than the last and I had to live w/ a mom who brought home a different boyfriend every night & was slowly killing herself w/ drugs. I didnt see any point in living that way. We had no home for a while, moving from hotel to hotel in hiding from Clark.

    In late 2007 I began hanging out w/ a local church youth group, AFBC -Strange thing for an atheist to do, I know, but they were kind & loving and it gave somewhere else to go other than home. There was something differant about them and it didnt take long before I began wondering if there was more to this whole Christian thing than I had thought.

    In mid-January of '08, our youth group had musician, Adam Cunningham, come and share his testimony. This night would totally change my life! As Adam was talking, I was sitting there all smug, thinking I had everything figured out and mentally mocking him for his "ignorance." And then it just hit me like a ton of bricks - And I knew that "it" was God. I wish that I could explain to you what happened, but it is impossible to put into words! God got a hold of me. I could feel God's presence and though He didnt speak w/ words, I understood Him as clearly as if He had. Jesus shown His light into my spiritual eyes and allowed me to see truth for the very 1st time in my entire life, and the atheism which I had made my life's foundation crumbled. I did not accept Jesus as my Savior that night, but I fell to my knees and begged for Him, if He was truely real, to help me to believe. I surrendured my life to Christ a few weeks later on 02/02/08, the day after my 15th B.day at WinterJam.

    My testimony doesnt end there. I kinda wish it did. God did some pretty amazing thigns in my life over the next several months. Clark suddenly stopped tormenting me and AFBC became like the family that I had prayed for so many times when I was little. They still are =). I was growing closer to God each day and had a real and personal relationship w/ Him...and then doubt reared its ugly head. To make a long story short, I let it get the best of me, and after several months of wrestling w/ doubts and questions, I gave up and turned my back on God. Although I regretted and repented of my decision just days after, it tore my relationship w/ God to pieces. I did some things and formed some habits in those few days that I am not proud of and that have kept me from getting my relationship w/ God back to where it should be. I fell into a deep depression and again began contemplating suicide. I felt useless and unforgivable. My mom left me, and the stress from that and so many other bad things happening all at once piled up on me. One night the stress and depression became too much to handle. My body shut down and I ended up in the hospital.

    It was a slow process, but God placed some people in my life that made me want to be healed. I recovered physcially, but my spiritual rehabilitation is still a work in progress and it is in God's hands. I think that God has forgiven me for my bad decisions. I think the main problem is that I cant forgive myself. I would not be alive right now if God did not have his hand on me. And I have faith, though it is very small, that God will continue to heal me and bring me back into that real and intimate relationship. Every day is a battle, but I know that God will carry me through this, just like He did through everything else.

    If you get nothing else out of this testimony, get this: God never fails! He will remain steadfast and faithful even if you yourself fail to keep the faith. Never feel like you are unforgivable or too far gone for God to love and heal. Once God gets a hold of you, nothing you can do will ever get Him to let you go! The Bible says that NOTHING can EVER seperate us from the love that Christ has for us!! And just because you have doubts about God, it doesnt make you a bad person or a failure; you only fail when you let those doubts get the best of you. God will make all things clear to you if you trust Him. Never turn your back on Him!. Doubt is the fire through which Truth passes.

  2. #2
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    Default Re: My Testimony - Only read if you like long testimonies ;-)

    I really liked this testimony! Very encouraging.

  3. #3
    Taelin
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    Default Re: My Testimony - Only read if you like long testimonies ;-)

    All I can do is smile, God is awesome...

    =) Thank taylor -I hope the path you walk with God will be close and that you'll get to the place where you need to be spiritually!


  4. #4
    taylor_11
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    Default Re: My Testimony - Only read if you like long testimonies ;-)

    Thanks for the comments =) I hope it wasnt too confusing or boring, haha !

  5. #5
    walkinthespirit
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    Default Re: My Testimony - Only read if you like long testimonies ;-)

    That was a awesome testimony, Lord bless taylor with all Your spiritual blessings, send tens of thousands of angels to minister, guide and protect her, and let Your blessings fall in abundance! in Jesus name amen!

  6. #6
    GentleDove
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    Thumbs up Re: My Testimony - Only read if you like long testimonies ;-)

    Taylor, that was so wonderful. I got Holy Ghost bumps the whole way through! I had a long hard struggle with God. Was told I was stupid, dumb and crazy by my Dad. I lived with defeat for 70 years.

    I spent many years trying to find myself
    . I got in and out of cults.
    I know now that God let this happen so I could warn people how easy it is to get trapped. Did not know at the time that I would be writing all over the net.

    Married 3 times and each got worse than the last. Had 6 kids to my first husband. He ran around on me. the 2nd was an alcoholic and the 3rd was into pornography.


    Believe it or not, something good came out of each! Wrote about that in another item. Will post it soon.

    You are young. You have your whole life before you. Stay close to God even if you don't feel like He really cares cause He does.

    I will pray for you that God will put His angels around you to protect you. I also have an item about the angels who helped me. Not the kind you saw in pics with wings but ordinary people! They never let me down.

    If you ever need someone to talk to I am always available.

    Give me your email address and I'll give you mine---if you can without everyone seeing it.

    God loves you and so do I. God bless you richly





  7. #7
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    Default Re: My Testimony - Only read if you like long testimonies ;-)

    You stated that you ripped apart your relationship with the Lord by your actions. I tell you what, Satan is real & he definitely delights when we fall away whether its as a new believer or one of several decades. He will put it in your head & on your heart to not forgive yourself and and that you are not worthy of God's Grace. Please when you have the thoughts or do something that you feel offends God, go to him right away in prayer, dont delay. I used to feel so bad it would be days before i'd come to the Lord in repentance and this is a mistake. Repent immediately & dont give satan a foothold. you are not perfect and your life after receiving Christ will be a constant one of growth. Immerse yourself in the word of God, for this is how you truly know God by his word. Pray for discernment. You are made perfect through Christ not through your own works but should still strive to please the Lord as this will build up your faith and you will be such a blessing to others planting seeds of ministry to those who are on the same path you were. Now you are aware of your Heavenly Father, allow him to give you much needed comfort & spend time in quiet reflection after prayer just listening to him & just being still and knowing he is God.

  8. #8
    taylor_11
    Guest

    Default Re: My Testimony - Only read if you like long testimonies ;-)

    Thanks to everyone for the awesome comments =) You guys are such a blessing !
    GentleDove, I'll send you my e-mail in a message =)
    Imoss, I really needed to hear that...thanks so much !

  9. #9
    bluebutterfly
    Guest

    Default Re: My Testimony - Only read if you like long testimonies ;-)

    Taylor I just had the time to read this right now and you are an amazingly strong girl. Praise the Lord for all his good. I love your testimony what a wonderful one. I speak blessings to you.

    Always in the Lord

  10. #10
    liveinpeace
    Guest

    Default Re: My Testimony - Only read if you like long testimonies ;-)

    Quote Originally Posted by taylor_11 View Post
    This is only my second day on this site and I never planned on disclosing my full testimony so soon -Actually I have never told the full version to anyone. - But I feel like this is an okay place to tell it. I will try to explain it as clearly as possible, but this is a very confusing and emotional thing for me. I am sure that in a community this size their is at least 1 person who needs to hear this message and I pray that God will use my testimony to bless somebody else.

    My father abandoned me when I was 4. I have never known him, nor do I even know what he looks like. That same year my mom married Clark...I will not say much about him other than he is not a good man and he made my life hell, even after he and my mom divorced when I was 12 and he disowned me. This is when I started taking my doubts about God and Christianity more seriously. I wanted to believe in a God, but no matter where I looked I could not find a reason why I should believe that He existed. I eventually came to dismiss any idea of God. I became a very angry and depressed teenager and began contemplating suicide. Every day was more painful than the last and I had to live w/ a mom who brought home a different boyfriend every night & was slowly killing herself w/ drugs. I didnt see any point in living that way. We had no home for a while, moving from hotel to hotel in hiding from Clark.

    In late 2007 I began hanging out w/ a local church youth group, AFBC -Strange thing for an atheist to do, I know, but they were kind & loving and it gave somewhere else to go other than home. There was something differant about them and it didnt take long before I began wondering if there was more to this whole Christian thing than I had thought.

    In mid-January of '08, our youth group had musician, Adam Cunningham, come and share his testimony. This night would totally change my life! As Adam was talking, I was sitting there all smug, thinking I had everything figured out and mentally mocking him for his "ignorance." And then it just hit me like a ton of bricks - And I knew that "it" was God. I wish that I could explain to you what happened, but it is impossible to put into words! God got a hold of me. I could feel God's presence and though He didnt speak w/ words, I understood Him as clearly as if He had. Jesus shown His light into my spiritual eyes and allowed me to see truth for the very 1st time in my entire life, and the atheism which I had made my life's foundation crumbled. I did not accept Jesus as my Savior that night, but I fell to my knees and begged for Him, if He was truely real, to help me to believe. I surrendured my life to Christ a few weeks later on 02/02/08, the day after my 15th B.day at WinterJam.

    My testimony doesnt end there. I kinda wish it did. God did some pretty amazing thigns in my life over the next several months. Clark suddenly stopped tormenting me and AFBC became like the family that I had prayed for so many times when I was little. They still are =). I was growing closer to God each day and had a real and personal relationship w/ Him...and then doubt reared its ugly head. To make a long story short, I let it get the best of me, and after several months of wrestling w/ doubts and questions, I gave up and turned my back on God. Although I regretted and repented of my decision just days after, it tore my relationship w/ God to pieces. I did some things and formed some habits in those few days that I am not proud of and that have kept me from getting my relationship w/ God back to where it should be. I fell into a deep depression and again began contemplating suicide. I felt useless and unforgivable. My mom left me, and the stress from that and so many other bad things happening all at once piled up on me. One night the stress and depression became too much to handle. My body shut down and I ended up in the hospital.

    It was a slow process, but God placed some people in my life that made me want to be healed. I recovered physcially, but my spiritual rehabilitation is still a work in progress and it is in God's hands. I think that God has forgiven me for my bad decisions. I think the main problem is that I cant forgive myself. I would not be alive right now if God did not have his hand on me. And I have faith, though it is very small, that God will continue to heal me and bring me back into that real and intimate relationship. Every day is a battle, but I know that God will carry me through this, just like He did through everything else.

    If you get nothing else out of this testimony, get this: God never fails! He will remain steadfast and faithful even if you yourself fail to keep the faith. Never feel like you are unforgivable or too far gone for God to love and heal. Once God gets a hold of you, nothing you can do will ever get Him to let you go! The Bible says that NOTHING can EVER seperate us from the love that Christ has for us!! And just because you have doubts about God, it doesnt make you a bad person or a failure; you only fail when you let those doubts get the best of you. God will make all things clear to you if you trust Him. Never turn your back on Him!. Doubt is the fire through which Truth passes.
    God bless you friend , your testimony is awesome , God is Great . He is evermerciful to His children
    Take care, may He bless you richly in all things you do .
    God speed you
    your brother in Christ
    Paul
    email [email protected]

  11. #11
    Senior Member
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    Default Re: My Testimony - Only read if you like long testimonies ;-)

    Taylor, I have been going through a lot of that myself. I have been hurt majorly in life and Satan still likes to rear up those doubts. Remember that through Christ, you have the authority to rebuke Satan in your life. I heard something today that said "If you have confessed your sins to God, then He has forgiven you, believe that He has forgiven you and then act like He has forgiven you." I know that is super hard and something I have to remind myself of daily. Your testimony is really awesome. Everything is a battle, but God goes before you and fights those battles. God will take care of you. I struggle with a lot of doubt, especially when I do something wrong, but God does forgive. You are wonderful and Ephesians 2:10 says that "You are God's masterpiece." Don't ever forget that. No matter who leaves you in life, you will always be taken care of by God who loves you more than your parents could ever love you.

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