Waiting for the right time.

So a little introduction of myself. i became a born again christian when i was around 16 yrs old. but since then ive been bouncing around with my relationship with God. I am currently serving in the Navy and trying to find out what i am doing with my life right now. I noticed nothing was as entertaining as it used to be and i was doing things that really made me ashamed of myself. a week later a fellow sailor invites me to visit his church i refused a couple time but i finally gave in.
At that service the Lord was screaming at me through the pastors words. i was so desperately trying to hold back my tears i felt like something huge was being ripped out of my body. for some reason i could feel my self trying to hold on to it but i just wanted it GONE it was so heavy to carry. Suddenly i was just gone i lost my balance and fell to my knees. the pastor kept speaking and i was so embarrassed i just made this whole seen in front of all these people i dont even know. But at the same time i could feel this voice in side me that i havent felt for so long i could feel the voice crying with me saying "I'm so glad your back i missed you so much. i was loosing it. but i was fresh i was brand new. You all know what happened and for those who dont ill explain. GOD reached deep inside of me and took all my shame, hatred, and disgust i had for myself that i built up and took it all away. I was FREE FINALLY FREE FROM MYSELF! since that day ive been trying desperately to change my life for God om done running from him and just doing what i want cuzz i finally believe the only way i can be truly happy is with God. This all happened a month or two ago. im still struggling to adjust to this new lifestyle but when ever i start to fall down i suddenly remember Jesus is with me God is with me and i dont have to struggle any more.


so yeah that was the introduction. so this is the situation im in now. one im trying to find out what God want to use me for. to become a pastor, missionary, just another solider of his amongst the people. i have 4 yrs to figure this out and to prepare (my time left serving for the navy).

two ive been becoming more and more curious of who God has planned for me to spend the rest of my life with and share my love for Him with. that one woman that i can call wife one day. BUT, i know it is not time for that for me i have a duty to my country i must fulfill, and i know i am spiritually not ready to be in any kind of relationship with a women. When the thought come in my head that OH THIS GIRL MIGHT BE THE ONE i become obsessed with the idea. But God pulls me back and i apologize for loosing my way and ask that he make my strength to resist such thoughts stronger so i can focus on God and become the man of God he wants me to be. AMEN.

so thats whats going on. i so excited for the future. but im also excited to see what God has planned for me today.
i hope this inspires you or makes you ask some questions about yourself and your relationship with God.

thank you for reading and God bless.

YIC
TJ91

I just want to say that I don't normally read long messages on this forum but yours really did touch me. I'm often in the same boat as you, and you already have an amazing testimony. Thank you for sharing it.

The truth is; there's no real way to discern your future. People do, they come up with all these theories about what God has spoken over their life and when it turns on itself they suddenly disappear out of shame and everyone wonders where the great prophet has gone. Don't fall into the trap of declaring your own hopes and opinions over a very broad reality that can take place. This isn't to say that you're going to be deprived, because God wants to lavish His love upon you and give you a future— and give you the true deepest desires of your heart. But this is something you've gotta trust Him with, understand it's not going to happen overnight, and most of all; don't build up an entire theology in your head and then impose it on other people. We've all got a little truth and a little heresy in us, and it takes a lot to try and filter out what you do and don't agree with talking to someone to learn what you can from them.

It's a beautiful walk, and you're doing just fine. I have no idea who the girl I'm going to marry is either, so I'm in the same boat as you. We just have to learn our identity and walk in it. Know that we're perfected in Christ forever, accepted and loved. That cannot be compromised.

Thank You Lord for bringing me here. TJ91 and Exoaria both your posts have helped me God bless you both.

TJ91, firstly I want to say welcome back to the family. Reading your testimony has truly encouraged me and moved me deeply, I could sense that deep change in you from your words. You have just made the best decision of your life. It is no small act when you come to that place of complete surrender again. I was brought up in a Christian home as well, but I gave up on God at 14 years of age. He was a good idea to me, but I don't think I had a relationship with Him.

I came back to the Lord 16 months ago, so I am kind of in that 'new' season as well. I learnt quickly that its a process. I thought I was really 'undone' before God, but He quickly pointed out to me that life is a continuous unravelling, and the day you are truly undone before Him is the day you stand directly in front of Him. The fact that you had those words dropped in to your heart is fantastic! It seems that the Lord is really reaching out to you for a great purpose. (You should ask who was praying for you, something tells me a family member was calling out to God for you) As you continue to seek Him, you'll soon realise He just loves talking to you and revealing His beauty and divine nature to you. Our God is absolutely crazy about you, it seems He couldn't stand you being far away from Him!

The best thing you can do is read the Word, you bible, allow the Holy Spirit to work within you. For me, in this season, I am learning who I am in Christ, He is relentlessly rebuilding me to become more like Him. He is lovingly washing the gunk from my old life and beckoning me to surrender more, to let Him gain more territory in my heart, to open all those doors I've been scared to even look at for so long. It hurts. Pruning may not always be easy. But that feeling of freedom, feeling His hand around and in my heart... it is so wonderful. When I came back to the Lord, my heart, the depths of my soul, every fibre of my being knew that this was what I was created to do, to worship and bring glory to my Maker, and to have a deep and loving relationship with Him.

Again, it is so good so see a brother in Christ be so moved. Your testimony is powerful. It will change people. Thank you for blessing me with it. Sometimes you might feel like tearing down mountains with your bear hands, but remember, sometimes all God wants you to do is yield yourself to Him so He can do all the work. He is not only a God of salvation, but he bears our burdens and carries us day by day.

excited for you as well! Thanks for your service to our country. I pray for your safety and that God will give you direction