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Hi there friends!
I felt the urge to post a thread this fine evening, mainly because i am one of those souls who struggle to fall asleep and struggle to wake up. So many nights have been spent thinking, endlessly about everything. And tonight is one of those nights!
I have a cluttered mind, it’s constantly debating itself, picking sides and trying to think up new things. I’ve often compared my brain to two people constantly bickering and arguing, one opinionated and headstrong, the other cautious and unsure. At the creaking old age of 21, I’ve found a way of forming the two together, into me.
Anyways, that back story puts in my place my real point. I struggle to have a clear head and think properly at times. Because of this, I often don’t fully understand what I feel. It’s usually when I have intense feelings such as sadness, joy and heartbreak; that i can understand what’s happening. It’s those muddled in-between feelings I struggle with.
I am very happy with my life right now; I have found a direction with my life. I came to know myself more in college and am currently ready to complete my degree with one year left. I have a good family, who cares for me even when they bicker. I have two beautiful baby nephews, both born within the last 2 months. I have no intense sorrow; I know when I feel Joy. What I can’t figure out is my relationship with God.
I believe in God whole heartedly, I love Jesus. I understand the sacrifice he made. So I do not struggle with belief, or faith. The honest truth is, I do not know what I feel.
I have fallen away from some things with my faith; I was missing church a lot. I wasn’t reading my bible, i wasn’t praying. I use to be very good at praying often, now I find myself losing attention when I pray. Drifting off somewhere else. I have started to remedy these things; I have been going to church more consistently. And trying to pray in ways that keep me focused.
I don’t really know what I feel, I often think I feel lonely. I wish I had someone to turn to, to ask their opinion. I have friends, but none who I feel I should burden constantly with my troubles and concerns.
Like I said, I don’t really know. I’m not unhappy, I’m just in the middle of life and unsure of where to go. A million options on the table and nothing and no one leading me to any of them. My life almost feels like I’ve been on a journey, and have suffered and celebrated to get where I am. Now that I’m here I have sat down and forgot where I came from. I have separated from my past, because there were things that were holding me back, but perhaps I let go of things I should have kept.
So, seeing that I haven’t asked a question, and any bored enough or dedicated enough to read this far deserves one. My questions (or maybe comment’s) are these...
have any of you been here before? Stuck with nothing to steer you? Not unhappy, but not filled with purpose? What would you do if you were me? What are those little globs in tapioca pudding?
Perhaps for me, the best thing is to type it out and think it through, it seems the best way for me to organize my thoughts. Anyways, thank you all for any though or consideration you give my ramblings. I hope to read some replies.
Remember, you are loved.
Zach
P.S. I love contractions, and yes I use spell check before I post. I also uppercase every I. One last thing, I am a singer. That’s my degree in college, vocal performance. Maybe that will help describe my personality a little more.
I felt the urge to post a thread this fine evening, mainly because i am one of those souls who struggle to fall asleep and struggle to wake up. So many nights have been spent thinking, endlessly about everything. And tonight is one of those nights!
I have a cluttered mind, it’s constantly debating itself, picking sides and trying to think up new things. I’ve often compared my brain to two people constantly bickering and arguing, one opinionated and headstrong, the other cautious and unsure. At the creaking old age of 21, I’ve found a way of forming the two together, into me.
Anyways, that back story puts in my place my real point. I struggle to have a clear head and think properly at times. Because of this, I often don’t fully understand what I feel. It’s usually when I have intense feelings such as sadness, joy and heartbreak; that i can understand what’s happening. It’s those muddled in-between feelings I struggle with.
I am very happy with my life right now; I have found a direction with my life. I came to know myself more in college and am currently ready to complete my degree with one year left. I have a good family, who cares for me even when they bicker. I have two beautiful baby nephews, both born within the last 2 months. I have no intense sorrow; I know when I feel Joy. What I can’t figure out is my relationship with God.
I believe in God whole heartedly, I love Jesus. I understand the sacrifice he made. So I do not struggle with belief, or faith. The honest truth is, I do not know what I feel.
I have fallen away from some things with my faith; I was missing church a lot. I wasn’t reading my bible, i wasn’t praying. I use to be very good at praying often, now I find myself losing attention when I pray. Drifting off somewhere else. I have started to remedy these things; I have been going to church more consistently. And trying to pray in ways that keep me focused.
I don’t really know what I feel, I often think I feel lonely. I wish I had someone to turn to, to ask their opinion. I have friends, but none who I feel I should burden constantly with my troubles and concerns.
Like I said, I don’t really know. I’m not unhappy, I’m just in the middle of life and unsure of where to go. A million options on the table and nothing and no one leading me to any of them. My life almost feels like I’ve been on a journey, and have suffered and celebrated to get where I am. Now that I’m here I have sat down and forgot where I came from. I have separated from my past, because there were things that were holding me back, but perhaps I let go of things I should have kept.
So, seeing that I haven’t asked a question, and any bored enough or dedicated enough to read this far deserves one. My questions (or maybe comment’s) are these...
have any of you been here before? Stuck with nothing to steer you? Not unhappy, but not filled with purpose? What would you do if you were me? What are those little globs in tapioca pudding?
Perhaps for me, the best thing is to type it out and think it through, it seems the best way for me to organize my thoughts. Anyways, thank you all for any though or consideration you give my ramblings. I hope to read some replies.
Remember, you are loved.
Zach
P.S. I love contractions, and yes I use spell check before I post. I also uppercase every I. One last thing, I am a singer. That’s my degree in college, vocal performance. Maybe that will help describe my personality a little more.