A new mom?

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Evan1989

Guest
#1
#1
Today my four year old daughter came into the kitchen while I was making dinner and grabbed my legs and asked me the question I'd been dreading for a long time now.

"Will we ever get a new mommy?"

It was so out of nowhere that I just kind of stammered and looked at her. I'd always thought about the void that would be in her life after her mother died that couldn't be filled. I hadn't really considered her ever asking if I would ever get married or into a relationship again.

I told her that if I did find somebody new it wouldn't be for a very long time. I could tell that she was upset because I think now that she's getting bigger she wants a mom to do "mommy stuff" and me to do "daddy stuff".

Any advice on how I should go about talking to her about this?
 
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Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
I think at that age, not being too specific is best. Kids at that age have a lesser understanding of words and concepts that adults can better grasp. Explain as much as you can at the same time. It's a tricky process and she won't be able to fully grasp your answers at this age. But take your time, let her ask questions and just do your best. There is no magic, easy way to go about such a thing.

Though i am a little confused by conflicting statements.
-asked me the question i'd been dreading for a long time
-i hadn't ever considered her asking....

In one statement you said you've been dreading it, but in another you said you never expected it.
 
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purpose

Guest
#3
#3
Dearest Brother Evan1989,

My heart goes out to you and your daughter. Perhaps Lady Family members can spend some time with her? honestly brother i tried to picture myself in your shoes and I can't. May God continue Healing and strength for you. She so young . I can sense she is smart. I am so sorry to hear her mom has passed away. Again brother I hoope and pray he the Lord will send someone of wise advice for you.
 
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Evan1989

Guest
#4
#4
Yeah that was poorly worded. I should say "I dreaded thinking about the prospect of finding somebody else." I hated the question, not the fact that she asked me it.
 
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thatgirl29

Guest
#5
#5
Bless her heart! Sorry for y'alls loss. That's a difficult answer to give, bc you really don't want her mommy to be replaced, you want her to always know and keep memories of her, but she's to young to understand that. Praying for y'all...and that God will send a good female role model for her to grow up knowing.
 
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bronzedoll

Guest
#6
#6
I know one day my son will ask me the same question when he gets older. He's 2 years old almost 3 and so far, he just calls me daddy sometimes as he doesn't even know what the word "daddy" means. I redirect him to call me "mommy" and he gets such a confused sad look on his face. It's so hard being a single parent. I think it is good you were honest with her. My best advice is to pray about the situation. Ask God to heal your daughter's heart from the loss. Pray that a good role model will come into her life and be a mother figure to her whether you decide to date again or not. A male can't be a female and a female can't be a male. My son has his grandfather as a male to look up to. There's nothing wrong with hating the question. It's a question of hurt coming from a precious child. Of course it is unpleasant. I too think it is a good idea for her to pair up with an older female family member or friend if there are any around. Also, she is still young. One day she just may run into an older woman with love, experience, and one that can be a sort of "mom figure" to her. The best thing you can do is ask the Lord to fill in that void in her heart and He will. The blessings that follow may just surprise you.
 
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Starsdance

Guest
#7
#7
Brother, my real mother passed away when I was 12. then I has a step mother. I could tell that nobody could replace the real mother's vital place in the child's heart. Even if the step motheris not bad. So, please give her more love and caring including dad and mom's. Luckily, God could change everything, just pray for her, for her life and her future step mother. Tell her, God loves her, God will filll her inner world by grace and bring her motherly love.
 
Magenta

Magenta

Senior Member
#8
Jul 3, 2015
56,485
26,464
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#8
Evan1989 said:
I think now that she's getting bigger she wants a mom to do "mommy stuff" and me to do "daddy stuff".
Click to expand...
Have you considered arranging to get someone like a Big Sister for her?
 
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