Abandonment.

[withlove94]

You know, it really sucks when your friends abandon you. It really hits home when people you've known for years couldn't care less about how you feel. Friends are supposed to be the ones there even when your family's not. Ya know? I have just been having these really really emotional days lately. Two of my best friends have abandoned me for people that I introduced them too. One of them is dating my cousin who is also one of my closest friends. Talk about the third wheel. So there went the both of them. My other closest friend is dating my cousin's best friend. So the four of them hang out often. Especially since both of the girls have been close since Kindergarten. It hurts to know that none of these people would have any clue of the other's existence if it weren't for me. I am by no means appreciated. Who feels left out? People just tell me, "Well maybe you should find a boyfriend." The fact of the matter is that I'm not looking to date. I have so many more important things in my life than to get caught up with a guy. If my friends decide that that is the path that they want to take, so be it. God is my first priority in life and pursing him. Does it have to take me "Dating" to have the friends that I've called on for so long? Should I even be concerned with the issue? I am just really at a loss here. I mean I love my friends, but they sure arn't acting like the people that I thought they were. I have other friends besides them, but they've been there the longest. Do I attempt to mend these broken friendships? It hurts my heart to know that they don't even care.

 

[musiclover123]

You know i've kinda gone through a similar situation lately. The only thing i think you can really do it try to be friends with both of them. If they don't really want to hang out or anything well sometimes you have to let people go, if only for a while, until they get through whatever they're doing now. I know it'd difficult though cuz you can feel left out and stuff, but you know I'm sure there are other people around who would love to hang out with you, as well as there's always God who will never leave you.

 

[Wonderland]

I know it is tough and lonely, but what you are describing is perfectly normal for friends to ditch their friends when they start dating. I am not saying it is right, but the thrill of the new "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" is just indescribable for a few glorious months. Then things either get stable and they will come back to their senses and start hanging out with you again, or they will break up. Hang in there! And cut your friends a little slack. They are just being normal teenagers.

Consider this an opportunity to find yourself without them. Do you have a hobby? Get one. Meet new people. Become a stronger person independently.

This advice comes easily from me as I am 25 and married and don't really feel lonely all too often. But I remember what it is like to be a teenager and feel completely alone. This is the advice I would have given myself at the time if I knew then what I do now, but honestly, I probably wouldn't have taken it. I probably would have sat alone in my room and sank into a lonely depression just like I did. What a waste...

Anyway, I hope you make it through this obstacle better than I did. You already seem better off than I was as you are on this Christian Chat and I was not all that interested in God. So good for you.

I will stop rambling now.

Be blessed.

 

[withlove94]

Thanks guys. Well I would assume that they should be over the newfound thrill as the both of them having been dating for almost a year. Or one of the couples anyway. I mean. Its just hard and I have found myself without them. I knew myself before they knew me. I've tried to find other people but they are all older than I am. Do you think that matters? I mean as far as how close of a friendship you can have? I really appreciate the both of yours advice. Please keep me in your prayers.

 

[Wonderland]

Age difference matters if your older friends are going to parties, having sex, staying out late, etc. and you can't/don't want to do those things. And it DEFINITELY matters if they are guys. Younger girls should not be friends with guys who are much older than them.

Age does not matter if your older friends are mostly girls who are going to youth group, the movies, bowling, etc. without drinking, boozing or drugging.

Also, it matters what your parents think of your friends.

But generally, if you pick good girl friends, then age does not matter.

 

[jimmydiggs]

Yeah, that's a bit of a drag.

I don't like it either.

 

[withlove94]

Well the majority of the older friends that I have, well, lets see. One of my best friends is a guy-21. The other is a guy-20. Two of my closest friends are a married couple-the girl 23 and her husband 26. Then there's another girl and she's 19. I mean they are all fantastic people and Christians. I mean is that terrible? Thanks for all your help guys.

 

[Wonderland]

Oh Love!

15 year old girls and 20+ year old guys should NOT be friends! And I say that to you because I know from experience. But when I was 15 I did not listen to smart people that told me that! I did what I wanted. I am now 25 and married and still paying for those choices.

I beseech you to stop hanging out with them! But if you are anything like me you will learn the hard way. I hope better for you. I always said, "It will be ok for me. These people do not know me or my situation. This is fine. These guys are nice. They care about me. They are my good friends. They are more mature than guys my age. They understand me. They would never hurt me." Gosh I was so stupid!!! PLEASE do not follow in my footsteps. You have Jesus in your life, you can make better choices than I did. I really really hope you do.

I promise that I will not always lecture you with "Don't make the same mistakes I did" or "I told you so." You have heard my piece and now I will be quiet and let you make your own choices, but I hope you will check back in once in awhile and let me/us know how you are doing.

Be blessed.

 

[withlove94]

Wonderland,

I mean, I'm not saying that I will not have made a mistake by continuing with these friendships, but I do not feel that way. I mean, one guy's married and his wife has been my best friend for years. The other guys are her brothers. I mean I've grown up around the family. I truly hope that these are strong and healthy relationships. Although you probably think I'm wrong, these guys are fantastic and they do care about me, and not in a relationship sort of way. But, can you tell I'm hardheaded?

I really appreciate your honesty and advice. Just an update on the friends I was refering to in the original post. The couple that consisted of my cousin and best friend, they split. Now I assume she's mad at me because it's supposedly my fault. Wow. Anyway, I mean she talked to me more than usual. But, anyhow.

I am truly grateful for you guys replying to my venting. Thanks again. And I will keep you posted on how these older people friendships turn out. God Bless.

 

[BeauBLESSED]

I know how you feel. Having dealt with friend-related problems over the years I've had to suffer the loss of some friendships and compromise others.
I suggest that you stop dwelling on them. You can't change how other people think, and if you continue to think about these friends you will most likely end up feeling bad, so you might like to seek other friends for the time being. Who knows? Those other friends of yours might come back to you over time but it's still best not to count on it too much.

Best wishes for the days ahead.

 

[withlove94]

Yeah. Beaublessed. Thanks alot. I've tried making amends with those friends, but I'm at a loss. I've basically given up for the most part. If they want to be friends with me then I'd be glad for them to come back but that doesn't seem to be the case. Oh well. But thanks so much for the support and advice.