advice how to forgive and love my husband

[pinkbooks]

Hi. I am feeling really unhappy and angry, the result is me all way's picking a fight with my husband on weekends when he needs his rest from work. I feel really ashamed of my behaviour. I think I have valid reasons to be angry. My husband and I have not had an easy path to marriage. And after marriage it got worse. My husband family has caused a lot of fights and distrust. When I fell pregnant my husband was so cold. Cause I stood up to his mother controlling ways. My mother law used to hide food from me when pregnant. And did lot of other ugly stuff. Why would I want to visit a women for a month so she can me feel like I am unwanted. And terrible wife and mother. My husband held it against me . So for a year after birth of my son he did not sleep with me. First time after a year is when I let his mother keep my son.
we went to therapy and counselling. And all seemed to work. I fell pregnant again. We then went to my husband brother wedding. Where I started to bleed. He took me to the hospital. And was cruel and cold all the way. While I cried.i asked to go home to rest. He said no I need to go to the wedding. I lost the baby. He was ugly towards me . All he cared a bout was I ruined his brother wedding. I lost my baby. And he kicked me when I needed him. But I prayed and I stayed. Then he eventually gets leave after a year of working late and studying and I am running the house. He decides he wants to go stay with his parent. It was horrible. She was a her same nasty self. He promised me a week alone . But he spent the week there. Now his working late and studying.
What about me.
He says his sorry and going to try now.
but I cant help but want to fight him. Its been 7 year's of this hell. His so cold.
What do I do.
I pray and cry to our farther. But pain and humiliation wont go away. I want my husband to admit how he hurt me. And he was wrong.
I need advice what to do.
I am no saint. But I deserve to feel like my husband loves me.
I need help. Because I am tempted to have an affair.

 

[mystikmind]

I was not a good husband to my wife, although i did try to show her i loved her and now she is divorcing me after 6 years marriage and a 3 year old child. I was happy to admit how much i hurt her and i was happy to go for whatever kinds of courses would help me learn to be a better husband but she refuses to hear anything regarding saving the marriage. I am still going to do a relationship training course, but as far as she is concerned, it is irrelevant.

When a man first hears his wife wants a divorce, and if she refuses to give in too soon, he will realize the value of what he had and he will do anything to get her back and make it work... well at least that was how it made me react, other men may react differently.

Don't just do marriage counseling, also do a relationships course if you can.

The way women interpret the antics of mothers in law etc can often be quite invisible to men, for this i definitely recommend you watch the tv series 'everybody loves Raymond'

and finally and most importantly... pray!

 

[Sirk]

Don't be attached to the outcome. Live in the presence of Jesus right now.

 

[Joidevivre]

Hopefully, you can find some joy in each day, and it will be only found at this time in your intimacy with the Lord Jesus Christ. I pray that He will give you a desire for His presence that will fill the void you now have in your heart.

Begin with scripture (the Psalms is good), and let His word bring to your mind the encouragement and direction you need.

Lord,
You are the Prince of Peace and our helper. Pinkbooks needs your help during this time. She is weak and tired. Give her the strength to get through each day and to know your power and peace that goes beyond our understanding. Amen.

 

[soccermom19]

Have you ever thought about getting away by yourself for a week? Taking some time for yourself if this is possible? Does your church have a woman's group? If so, try talking to some of them. I would stay away from your mother in law. Your husband should support you in this and stand up to her. You also need to stand up for yourself. If my husband would have treated me like that after losing my baby, I would have taken my other child and went to stay with my parents. I would suggest getting away for some time by yourself with God. Pray, pray, and pray some more.
God Bless and guide you! I wish you all the best and will pray for you.

 

[pinkbooks]

Thank you for the advice. Will seriously consider a relationship course.

 

[pinkbooks]

Have you ever thought about getting away by yourself for a week? Taking some time for yourself if this is possible? Does your church have a woman's group? If so, try talking to some of them. I would stay away from your mother in law. Your husband should support you in this and stand up to her. You also need to stand up for yourself. If my husband would have treated me like that after losing my baby, I would have taken my other child and went to stay with my parents. I would suggest getting away for some time by yourself with God. Pray, pray, and pray some more.
God Bless and guide you! I wish you all the best and will pray for you.

I am hurt the way he acted. I want to leave but I stay for my son. And I dont want a divorce. Going to find relationship course. And thinking of visiting my aunt at the coast for a week with my son. And going to pray and fast for a change in my husband. Going to tell my family about the way my husband treats me.

Thank you for the advice.

 

[pinkbooks]

I was not a good husband to my wife, although i did try to show her i loved her and now she is divorcing me after 6 years marriage and a 3 year old child. I was happy to admit how much i hurt her and i was happy to go for whatever kinds of courses would help me learn to be a better husband but she refuses to hear anything regarding saving the marriage. I am still going to do a relationship training course, but as far as she is concerned, it is irrelevant.

When a man first hears his wife wants a divorce, and if she refuses to give in too soon, he will realize the value of what he had and he will do anything to get her back and make it work... well at least that was how it made me react, other men may react differently.

Don't just do marriage counseling, also do a relationships course if you can.

The way women interpret the antics of mothers in law etc can often be quite invisible to men, for this i definitely recommend you watch the tv series 'everybody loves Raymond'

and finally and most importantly... pray!

I will pray that her wife will open her heart and give your marriage a chance.
I am hoping a relationship course will help us.

 

[pinkbooks]

I was not a good husband to my wife, although i did try to show her i loved her and now she is divorcing me after 6 years marriage and a 3 year old child. I was happy to admit how much i hurt her and i was happy to go for whatever kinds of courses would help me learn to be a better husband but she refuses to hear anything regarding saving the marriage. I am still going to do a relationship training course, but as far as she is concerned, it is irrelevant.

When a man first hears his wife wants a divorce, and if she refuses to give in too soon, he will realize the value of what he had and he will do anything to get her back and make it work... well at least that was how it made me react, other men may react differently.

Don't just do marriage counseling, also do a relationships course if you can.

The way women interpret the antics of mothers in law etc can often be quite invisible to men, for this i definitely recommend you watch the tv series 'everybody loves Raymond'

and finally and most importantly... pray!

Hopefully, you can find some joy in each day, and it will be only found at this time in your intimacy with the Lord Jesus Christ. I pray that He will give you a desire for His presence that will fill the void you now have in your heart.

Begin with scripture (the Psalms is good), and let His word bring to your mind the encouragement and direction you need.

Lord,
You are the Prince of Peace and our helper. Pinkbooks needs your help during this time. She is weak and tired. Give her the strength to get through each day and to know your power and peace that goes beyond our understanding. Amen.

Thank you for your prayer. I am grateful

 

[Angela53510]

Read the book "Boundaries in Marriage" for a start. You are trying to "make" your husband do things he does not want to do. You can't "make" a person do anything, even if they were totally in the wrong. You need to work on yourself, and establishing some boundaries so he cannot abuse you in this way. And if he continues to abuse you, I would seriously consider leaving. Not caring about you having a miscarriage is pretty bad, IMO.

And do draw closer to Jesus. No matter what happens in the end with your marriage, Jesus is all that matters!

 

[ChristInUs]

get this book

 

[DiscipleDave]

Hi. I am feeling really unhappy and angry, the result is me all way's picking a fight with my husband on weekends when he needs his rest from work. I feel really ashamed of my behaviour. I think I have valid reasons to be angry. My husband and I have not had an easy path to marriage. And after marriage it got worse. My husband family has caused a lot of fights and distrust. When I fell pregnant my husband was so cold. Cause I stood up to his mother controlling ways. My mother law used to hide food from me when pregnant. And did lot of other ugly stuff. Why would I want to visit a women for a month so she can me feel like I am unwanted. And terrible wife and mother. My husband held it against me . So for a year after birth of my son he did not sleep with me. First time after a year is when I let his mother keep my son.
we went to therapy and counselling. And all seemed to work. I fell pregnant again. We then went to my husband brother wedding. Where I started to bleed. He took me to the hospital. And was cruel and cold all the way. While I cried.i asked to go home to rest. He said no I need to go to the wedding. I lost the baby. He was ugly towards me . All he cared a bout was I ruined his brother wedding. I lost my baby. And he kicked me when I needed him. But I prayed and I stayed. Then he eventually gets leave after a year of working late and studying and I am running the house. He decides he wants to go stay with his parent. It was horrible. She was a her same nasty self. He promised me a week alone . But he spent the week there. Now his working late and studying.
What about me.
He says his sorry and going to try now.
but I cant help but want to fight him. Its been 7 year's of this hell. His so cold.
What do I do.
I pray and cry to our farther. But pain and humiliation wont go away. I want my husband to admit how he hurt me. And he was wrong.
I need advice what to do.
I am no saint. But I deserve to feel like my husband loves me.
I need help. Because I am tempted to have an affair.

It seems you are in a bad situation, but here is the Truth as painful as it may be, you are where God wants you to be. Happiness comes from within not from without. It seems to me that you are claiming to be unhappy and it is because of him and his mom. If you are looking for others to make you happy, you will be most miserable. We are all here to be tested, to see how we handle situations that comes upon us.
You say you pray and cry to the Father. it is written if you draw close to God then He will draw close to you? Do you draw close to Him? Do you go to Church? Do you attend any Bible Study? Do you do anything that is helping others, like volunteering at the homeless shelter? Do you visit the sick? Do you cloth the naked? Do you feed the Hungry? Do you give to Charities? Do you read the Bible daily? Do you study His Word? So you cry and pray to the Father expecting what from Him? Do you call out to him only when you WANT something from Him? If you are not drawing close to Him, then His hands are tied. It is when you draw close to Him that He will then draw close to you. But if you put yourself far from Him, why is it you think He should be close to you when cray and pray to Him? i don't mean to sound rude or uncompassionate, because that is not my intentions. But if you want God in your life, then you better be getting into HIS.
You Say "I am no saint. But I deserve to feel like my husband loves me." Maybe that is the problem, you think you deserve to be loved by him. Having a loving spouse is a blessing from God, not something that is deserved. What is required of a Christian spouse is to love the other regardless of what they are getting in return. You love your husband, like you would like his to love you. Golden Rule that is. Love him 100% NOT 50/50. email me if you want to talk farther.
You say "I need help. Because I am tempted to have an affair." Yeah that does two things. makes you fail the test, and it pushes God out of the marriage entirely.
Children are happy having nothing at all, and playing with dirt. Do you know why, Because they are content having nothing, and do not desire to have more. Happy they are. Those who are not content with what they have, and desire to have more, such as deserved love from husband, an affair, better mother in law, will never be happy because they are looking to outside stuff to make them happy. Happiness comes from within. i am at a point in my life right now, that i desire nothing at all, i am content with what i have, and desire nothing more, i have never been more happy in my entire life.
Don't get wrong, i feel for you i do, sounds like to me He is very insensitive to you and to your needs, and i am sure many will be saying to divorce that bum i'm sure. But i have not heard his side, nor his defense to properly judge the situation. But know this, Jesus loves you. That is all you need. The more you keep your eyes on Jesus, Truly the happier you will become. Be content with what you have, read some books on Happiness. If you are unhappy, you choose to be that. If you stop expecting from your husband, then you won't be disappointed when he does not give it to you.
Many who cheat on their spouse do so because they blame the spouse of not loving them like they should. Did you make a vow to God for better or worse? Does he beat you? So then it could get worse, yes?
email me if you want to talk further.

^i^ responding to post OP