Advice on Dealing with Parents

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seaco711

Senior Member
#1
Dec 30, 2009
104
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#1
I posted this in the family forum, but it's funny how people are more excited about bashing other people there than actually giving advice to someone with a question. Anyway - help would be appreciated.

So here's the deal... I used to be very religious. I went to church all the time, and genuinely believed what I had been taught by my parents and church leaders about Christianity. I even frequented this site a lot. Over the past few years (I'm 20 - so since later high school, or around 17), I've started to have a lot of doubts about the religion as a whole, and I'm dating someone who is in pretty much the same position as me. My parents are obviously not happy that I am losing faith in beliefs I once held very close. They are also unhappy that I am dating someone who is in the same position. They act like they don't care to get to know her, and are completely unsupportive, and that hurts. I know I am a younger adult, but I feel that I have a certain right to believe what I wish and have whatever partner I wish. With that being said, what I basically want to know is this: How do I get my parents to understand that I want and need advice and support, and that by constantly getting upset over my decisions they put me in a situation where it is very hard for me to be my own person? Additionally, on the dating front, I cannot date someone that my parents will not support a relationship with for an extended period of time. How do I express to them that I really need their support? If this relationship fails only because they are not willing to support me in it, I know I will bear a lot of resentment towards them. How can I avoid this? I've already tried to talk through this with them, but they will not let it go. I really feel like at my age, they should speak their advice a few times, but if it continues to be hurtful as they do it over and over and over, they should just let me make my own decisions while being supportive of me. Any advice that anyone could offer from a more "religious" perspective would be helpful.

Caveat: If you can restrain yourselves, please do not respond with with attempts to get me to recommit myself more fully to Christianity. That's really not what I'm asking about; it's simply pertinent to the real question: the issue of my relationship with my parents.

Thanks.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
When i have trouble communicating something specific to someone, i write an email. And make sure i'm not around when they read it. This forces them to shut up and read, instead of them being able to cut you off, fire off with their mouth and feed their emotions, creating a cycle of not listening and being overly emotional. This way they have to sit, read what you have to say, and have a greater chance of hearing and contemplating it. At the end put in a request to sit down, calmly, and quietly and have a discussion about the things you are seeking advice on.
The key is, when writing the letter, be cautious not to come across in an attacking manner. Choose your wording careful when you explain that they don't seem to listen. Try to put more emphasis on you're needing them to listen and help and discuss, and not so much on blasting them with 'you never listen!'. Stay calm. Same during the actual talk. Hope this helps.
 
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Aqua_Girl09

Guest
#3
#3
I was having that kinda stuff happening. to me. my mom would even let me drive to the next town WITH friends. when they're spending weekends states away. T-T. anywho. the way that helped was for me to move out.

now i can sit and talk with them and the realize that i DON'T have to listen to what they're saying and i can get up and go to where i live now and not talk to them any more. they can give me advice but they're MUCH nicer about it and soooo not one sided like they used to be when they could just tell me they were taking the car or i couldn't go out.

being able to support yourself and live on your own or at least away from them makes them realize that you're not their "baby" anymore. you're an adult and they need to learn to treat you that way or you're not going to live up to their expectations to be seen and not heard. BUT moving out SOOOOOOO HARDDDD!!!! ive only been gone 3 months and i'm about to go into debt! T-T just makes sure you're REALLY ready to move out. cause if you come back home those rules that you were trying to get away from are going to come right back. ^_^
 
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