Am I wrong or just stupid

[tippb]

I recently ended a five year relationship. The first year was ok, but then he started lying about simple things. After that came the belittling, putting me down, saying other woman are better than me. Two years into the relationship he cheated and lied about it two years after that. He put me down because I didn't make as much money as him and things like that. The lies continued and I began to get low self esteem and depressed, especially after my brother died, which he was not there for me for......I feel l like a failure and like no one will ever love me

 

[djness]

I dunno about wrong or stupid but you recently are liberated. Congratulations on your freedom. Don't stay five years next time. You are worth more than that.

 

[Roughsoul]

GOD LOVES YOU!!!!!!!

 

[Roughsoul]

I agree you are free from this mans sinful ways. He has no control over you now so just let it go. Its time to figure out where God wants you in your life. Reopen your spirit and let Gods holy ghost lift you up. Pray to let God move threw you. Read his word to allow his scripture to open your spiritual life. And instead of seeing your life right now the way you do, you will see it in a whole new light. Gods light that can reach the darkest pits of hell will light your way. It will show you how great of a opportunity you have right now in the present. And its just up to you grab life by the horns and tell it who is boss.

 

[jer2911]

I recently ended a five year relationship. The first year was ok, but then he started lying about simple things. After that came the belittling, putting me down, saying other woman are better than me. Two years into the relationship he cheated and lied about it two years after that. He put me down because I didn't make as much money as him and things like that. The lies continued and I began to get low self esteem and depressed, especially after my brother died, which he was not there for me for......I feel l like a failure and like no one will ever love me

My dear friend and sister. May I speak the truth in love? I"m not writing this because I am an expert when it comes to relationship. In fact, to share a little bit with you I am slow in knowing man's thoughts and feelings until they will tell me so. I don't read between the lines.

The truth of the matter is, YOU are not WRONG and not STUPID. Why? You are not wrong loving someone and you are not stupid being YOU. Bear with me a little bit to share with you an illustration.

Pre-marital sex is sex before marriage. The word of God implies it all by calling it fornication. It knows no exception. It allows none. Renaming fornication does not change the act or remove the consequence. Those who commit fornication, sin.

So, what's the connection? YOU might think this illustration is very far from your situation. Think again. Pre-marital sex exists because someone says "Yes".

And then what? Let's say the girl got pregnant. And then what? Then she will carry the baby for nine months? And then what? Then she gave birth. And then what? Then from birth to adulthood. Growth... growth, growth.

What is wrong is you rename the abuse to love. If at that time that you have already sensed his act of love was not what you expected it to be, you boldly said 'NO', then you will be spared of many aches and will not stay longer having relationship with him. Abusive behavior that gave birth to lying, putting down and giving him bigger opportunity to do worse. So you see, you lower down your defenses for you rename his behavior to love. And even if you rename it, it does not change the abusive act, it will grow and grow and the consequence can't be removed. The consequences are low self-esteem, deep loneliness/depression, faithlessness, and more.

My heart goes for you when you said your brother died and if he that close to you, not a word or a presence of a person could eradicate the pain and loss. Even time doesn't heal the wounds. What I can only do is for you to feel you are not alone. We are here for you. Stay connected, feel free to chat anybody here. And if we're not there,, feel God's spirit through his words and songs.

Feel the failure if you must if that's the only way to overcome, but please, don't allow it to linger in your heart. Guard your heart for it is the wellspring of your life. Yes, no human will love you if you stay that way. You know the love of humans are limited. They have also their own issues in life, but God? He will love you with an EVERLASTING LOVE! - (I feel like singing that song for you!) ^.^

The Father of all lies is Satan. No one will ever love you only if you listen to Satan's lies.

I hope we have helped you here in CC. Take time for yourself. You heart is too big to love people for Satan to get. (That's why he's after you, my wonderful sister!)

Love,
Jer2911

Pre-Marital and Bible

 

[Tinkerbell725]

I recently ended a five year relationship. The first year was ok, but then he started lying about simple things. After that came the belittling, putting me down, saying other woman are better than me. Two years into the relationship he cheated and lied about it two years after that. He put me down because I didn't make as much money as him and things like that. The lies continued and I began to get low self esteem and depressed, especially after my brother died, which he was not there for me for......I feel l like a failure and like no one will ever love me

Be thankful that God has revealed the true nature of this man to you. You are really brave in making that decision of ending a bondage. Although it took a while for you to be free. I pray that you will not fall again into the same bondage, that God will give the desires of your heart but with freedom from bondage.

When a desire becomes a need we are in bondage. Real pleasure does not come from getting your desires met. When a desire becomes a need, its no longer a matter of pleaure, its a matter of survival. Bondage becomes normal. And people forget what freedom feels like. - michelle hammond

The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man or woman of understanding draws them out. Proverbs 20:5

 

[secularhermit]

I´m sorry, Tippb!

Your not stupid and I also have being in the WRONG side (you and I could overcoming being wrong, but stupidity is another issue that needs GOD help, if it was your case, BUT IT IS NOT YOUR CASE) (neither mine).

Allow me to share this, without too many details, because it´s a thing my own family:

Someone inside my blood was living with another since December 2013. I saw she was so in love with him that she also thought to give him a baby (he doesn´t have any and he is 52). Each time she came my mother´s we saw how she loved him (but I know him well, and he tells me his things, often).
That woman had her sister in the hospital, she needed to leave for a month to take care of her sister (she is a nurse, as well as the one I know). Do you now what happend? My own blood started to do what he was used to do. He slept with several others and, the moment that nurse wanted to come back his "home" he tried to discouraged her telling things like this: "You are too fat for me...". He is 52 and she is 37. Where an old man can get, so easily a love like that? (Only on Ruth´s account, and that one has not child, untill today, when she has come to pick her stuff to leave him).

She is a nice looking woman, smart. She has 2 jobs and surely knows how to make money on other trades she deals. She wasn´t looking after money. I know she loved him and i couldn´t tell her "he is like this" because I thought he would change (but he didn´t).

I think she is hurt, not for hearing she is too fat for his likes, but for guessing she was despised and left. He claimed: "Loose some weight" but he is also fat (not as much as she is) and, since she cooks so well, he also gained some additional wait; but he seldom stopped wooing at other girls, because I have seen him doing soand, besides, he often asked my opinions on the things he does.
I feel sad for her. next time she loves she´d be heart hardened and will take time to give some trust (making that "job" harder for a man who would like her for the woman SHE IS).

I hope she looses some weight, I hope she finds another, but I guess she is suffering on self-esteem and the likes. I hope she doesn´t come downstairs to tell me anything or a single good-bye, because my sister gave her some tips and she paid too little attention: Love is free, and leave with its chains.

I will not tell about my own choices and life, because i also have experimented what you felt. I´ve been your own place, though i coud be so old or limited, but relationships are not meant to hurt, but to build, to grow, to enjoy.

You will overcome that! If you will, because love seems to be one of those things that NEVER ENDS.

Just be healed and follow GOD´s tips, instead.

 

[tourist]

I recently ended a five year relationship. The first year was ok, but then he started lying about simple things. After that came the belittling, putting me down, saying other woman are better than me. Two years into the relationship he cheated and lied about it two years after that. He put me down because I didn't make as much money as him and things like that. The lies continued and I began to get low self esteem and depressed, especially after my brother died, which he was not there for me for......I feel l like a failure and like no one will ever love me

You are neither wrong nor stupid. You must allow God to show you how much that he loves you. Take some time to get to know yourself and know what it is that would make you truly happy. And then you should pray for this. It is fortunate that you are out of this horrible relationship.

 

[RickyZ]

I recently ended a five year relationship. The first year was ok, but then he started lying about simple things. After that came the belittling, putting me down, saying other woman are better than me. Two years into the relationship he cheated and lied about it two years after that. He put me down because I didn't make as much money as him and things like that. The lies continued and I began to get low self esteem and depressed, especially after my brother died, which he was not there for me for......I feel l like a failure and like no one will ever love me

At the risk of being misunderstood and raising some people's ire, I'll say that love makes people stupid. Now the caveat - what most people think of as love is really just human hormones and lust. Nothing clouds good judgment and vision like raging hormones and lust.

This guy was the failure, not you. In time you will see that. And, in time, if you separate the hormones and lust from your definition of love, you will find that you have been loved all along... by God, and by your brothers and sisters in Christ, like those who have answered above.

 

[secularhermit]

Yes! At least she knew it, personally. There are thousands of people who are cheated on, bashed in secrecy, etc. and, at least, you know the one you had. He despised you enough, so you dn´t need to spent your time or love on someone who doesn´t love you. Even a simple cat would know what to do if it was hurt or fed up with leftovers and I guess you are not happy being fed up on emotional leftovers.

I thanked GOd you knew it first hand. Do you know what hurts? It is coming into your own room and seeing him with another. Do you know what hurts, following his steps, tracking his feet, and finding out what I don´t recommend you to see. because I have see my history and several other people´s life.

If you are not loved, start loving yourself. Later on, you´ll be given the chance to love anew.

Hurts, but if it was too easy, it would last few days, I guess.

 

[secularhermit]

Yes, Ricky! you are right. He! He!

That´s another way of being "somewhat" stupid. It´s addictive, though.

Here is also another stupid, Tippb.

 

[Ugly]

hi tpibb.
You are not stupid. You are victim of verbal and emotional abuse. And such abuse, over time, will always affect how you view yourself and the world around you. The first step here is in realizing that your ex is the one with the problem. Not you. He needed to put you down in order to make himself feel special. That's a pretty pathetic way to have a relationship. In reality you are the smarter, stronger one than he is.
Anytime you find yourself repeating things you remember him telling you, stop your thoughts. Don't let yourself keep thinking those kinds of things about yourself. Then find something good about yourself and think on that instead. Whether it's something you recognize about yourself, or something you hear others say about you.
You can also use encouraging scripture to replace the thoughts that bring you down. Do an internet search for 'encouraging scripture' and write them down to keep with you, or better yet memorize them. Then when those thoughts come to you you can replace them with good things.
It takes time and a lot of work but you can overcome the damage he caused. And there are a Lot of women who end up in similar or worse situations (some men too) so don't let it make you feel like you're any less than. When we love and are committed to someone we tend to hold out and hope for the best, hope they'll grow and change. And if we have no one there to tell us and teach us otherwise then we can continue on until something happens to end the cycle.

 

[Raine]

Being from a similar circumstance sister... Use this wisdom to make sure you do not end up with another man like that, but with a godly man. And most of all, root yourself in who you are in God and not other people's words. You will have to replace those negative thoughts that he grind into you and replace them with the beautiful words of God. And do not ignore warning signs next time.

 

[waterlily]

You know sometimes we want things that aren't good for us. God is so kind and loving, He gives us our free will to choose either His will or our own. Being human we chose things that either feels good at the time or we believe in others rather than that God has a better plan for our lives. We often want to be so loved that we would chose to stay in an unhealthy relationship than to be alone.

I understand exactly what you are feeling. I have been there. you know as you trust God with your whole heart, with the pain..with the tears.. with the sorrow and the grief, He will reveal in His loving kindness. God has been your love and protection in this situation. I know with all my heart that you will in time be praising God for delivering you from this man.

You are Gods precious daughter, He says he knows the plans He has for you..and they aren't of being in a life long relationship with a liar and cheater. He doesn't want you to settle for anything other than His good and perfect gift.. which can only come from above.

I pray healing for your heart and wisdom.. God loves you so much.

bless you in Jesus name

At the risk of being misunderstood and raising some people's ire, I'll say that love makes people stupid. Now the caveat - what most people think of as love is really just human hormones and lust. Nothing clouds good judgment and vision like raging hormones and lust.

This guy was the failure, not you. In time you will see that. And, in time, if you separate the hormones and lust from your definition of love, you will find that you have been loved all along... by God, and by your brothers and sisters in Christ, like those who have answered above.

 

[Lyta137]

Firstly you may feel like it but you are not a failure! God does not specialise in creating failures trust me and your existence proves it! you are a prize worth to be won, it just takes the right eyes to see what that man just took for granted. one day he will realise what he lost and regret. take heart, the best is yet to come. Joy comes in the morning!

we are here as your cc family and we love you!