Anxiety and words voicing in my head over and over.

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CNikki

Guest
#1
#1
I guess to sort of rant and at the same time want some help/tips, all I can really say is that anxiety has consumed me for the past few days as well as being depressed over the fact that I can't live normally or at least the way I'd like to. I'm tired of seeing things yet get drawn to it of people basically having turnarounds in life and simply can do tasks that I'm finding to be harder and harder to do each day with no support let alone anyone to believe anything serious is wrong (or at least don't want to). I can't even get out of the house on my own and need someone with me if that happens and still become paranoid. I can also be a hypochondriac, so I sort of self diagnose or assume some things that I could have or expect the worse if something goes wrong. For a while on and off I keep hearing something in my head without any intent on doing so saying "cancer" as if that's what's wrong with me and I really don't know if it's telling me something or it's just the continuation of my deadly fear of it. I'm visiting a doctor Saturday for an ear problem and also going to ask to get tested for something because I really feel like something's not right. I feel like I could die any night in my sleep and fear for it but at the same time don't care. This heat isn't helping a thing and I think is actually making things worse than it's already been. I'm sitting here right now with a bucket in front of me just waiting to throw up since I'm not even feeling so good. Everything going on is my fault and I'm aware of that but I just want it to stop. If I really could I'd go even crazier than I already am. Anyone who experiences or has experienced the same thing (with anxiety at least) PLEASE post. I'm really needing something or someone right now and God forbid someone who I am there for for anything would actually bother to talk to me a bit. But no, she's occupied with other crap that's probably more important than I am. Not so surprising since just about everyone I've encountered in my life just wants some sort of advantage then see me like crap.
 
JimJimmers

JimJimmers

Senior Member
#2
Apr 26, 2012
2,584
70
48
#2
I'll send you a PM. God bless.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
Sounds to me like the underlying cause is depression. Anxiety often comes with depression. And along with anxiety often comes a sense that something is wrong with our bodies. I've suffered depression since i was 14. And the past 8 years or so the anxiety came along, and with that came the sense that something was always physically wrong.
Chances are no one see's you like crap. That's the depression talking. Right now, what's going on is you are wallowing in the depression. You're pretty much handing yourself over to it and allowing it to have total control over you and how you think. You're defensive and think that everyone thinks low of you. (Things i have struggled with as well). I have, or do still, experience nearly everything in your post. What you need is professional help. Its not a bad thing, doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything like that. Just means some chemicals in your brain may be off and you need some helping working that out. I never encourage anti-depressants until there is no other option. I would suggest (this is going to sound very cliche, but this is actually proven and not just cheesy cliched response) four things. This first three are being on a consistent sleep schedule. Going to bed and waking at the same time every day is actually healthier for you physically and mentally. Next, eating healthy. Again, it helps you not only physically but mentally. And last, exercise. Exercise helps burn off the anxiety, as well as releasing good chemicals in your brain, and making your body more fit. There is proven medical benefit to doing these three things in regards to depression. Not to say that doing them makes everyones depression disappear. For some people it does and for others it helps reduce the symptoms.
And my forth is the professional help. Someone you can talk to on a regular basis, and who can offer some advice, perhaps even cognitive therapy (though be careful with that, as some therapists/psychologists make a spiritual issue out of it). They will likely push drugs, but i would say take the time to do the food/sleep/exercise combined with therapy for at least a few months before even considering drugs. And, if after a good amount of time goes by and you are being consistent in those three things and there is still little to no change, then its time to consider meds.

Anyways, i hope something here has helped, feel free to message me as i often forget where i post and don't always return.
 
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pancakeface

Banned
#4
Jul 17, 2013
58
0
0
#4
CNikki said:
I guess to sort of rant and at the same time want some help/tips, all I can really say is that anxiety has consumed me for the past few days as well as being depressed over the fact that I can't live normally or at least the way I'd like to. I'm tired of seeing things yet get drawn to it of people basically having turnarounds in life and simply can do tasks that I'm finding to be harder and harder to do each day with no support let alone anyone to believe anything serious is wrong (or at least don't want to). I can't even get out of the house on my own and need someone with me if that happens and still become paranoid. I can also be a hypochondriac, so I sort of self diagnose or assume some things that I could have or expect the worse if something goes wrong. For a while on and off I keep hearing something in my head without any intent on doing so saying "cancer" as if that's what's wrong with me and I really don't know if it's telling me something or it's just the continuation of my deadly fear of it. I'm visiting a doctor Saturday for an ear problem and also going to ask to get tested for something because I really feel like something's not right. I feel like I could die any night in my sleep and fear for it but at the same time don't care. This heat isn't helping a thing and I think is actually making things worse than it's already been. I'm sitting here right now with a bucket in front of me just waiting to throw up since I'm not even feeling so good. Everything going on is my fault and I'm aware of that but I just want it to stop. If I really could I'd go even crazier than I already am. Anyone who experiences or has experienced the same thing (with anxiety at least) PLEASE post. I'm really needing something or someone right now and God forbid someone who I am there for for anything would actually bother to talk to me a bit. But no, she's occupied with other crap that's probably more important than I am. Not so surprising since just about everyone I've encountered in my life just wants some sort of advantage then see me like crap.
Click to expand...
It's called intrusive thoughts, and there's a talking treatment called cognitive behavioral therapy that can help you deal with it without having to take on psychoactive medication. Though low doses are good to get you on your feet a little. Another thing I'd like to add is that:

1. The world's too busy to be against you. It's got it's own issues.

2. Fresh air is natural medicine.

3. If you treat yourself worse than you would treat others, then you're at an unfair disadvantage before you even get up in the morning.

4. Self love isn't selfishness.

References:

Been there.
 
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CNikki

Guest
#5
#5
Thing is that every time I would try to have some sort of bond with people, later on even if I become oblivious to it they would use me some way or another and then either leave or treat me like crap around other people. What probably hit most was when someone who I basically spilled my guts out to and thought they were actually true ended up backstabbing and flip my social life over. I know this is all the past but I'm finding it hard to just erase as if it all never happened. How could that be possible?
 
JimJimmers

JimJimmers

Senior Member
#6
Apr 26, 2012
2,584
70
48
#6
It is not possible for you to erase it as if it never happened, don't worry about that. You just want to be in control of your memories, so they don't keep playing in your head over and over again. You don't want to keep being hurt every day by things that happened years ago. But to actually erase your memory, no. We don't need to do that. It may help to tell someone else what happened, a lot of people have gotten relief from telling someone about the problem. You can tell me, if you like.
 
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pancakeface

Banned
#7
Jul 17, 2013
58
0
0
#7
CNikki said:
Thing is that every time I would try to have some sort of bond with people, later on even if I become oblivious to it they would use me some way or another and then either leave or treat me like crap around other people. What probably hit most was when someone who I basically spilled my guts out to and thought they were actually true ended up backstabbing and flip my social life over. I know this is all the past but I'm finding it hard to just erase as if it all never happened. How could that be possible?
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Sounds like you care a lot when people are vindictive, that it gets to you. You seem pretty gentle. I sympathize with that but I learnt the hard way that sometimes, it just isn't about me. There's nothing that you *did* wrong to deserve what happened, it's just that some people don't share your sense of loyalty.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#8
#8
Yeah, sounds a lot like what i went through for years as well. Part of this is never learning how to seek out right people for our lives. As a depressive, especially earlier on in the depression, we are anxious to seek out someone who will listen and be understanding and trustworthy, who will have answers, etc... But we are usually so blinded by our eagerness we forget it takes time to have a person prove themselves. And we miss the negative traits (or choose to ignore them) in a person because we're so happy to 'bond' with someone. I made this mistake around your age when i got engaged. I ignored the warning signs, because i was so happy someone expressed an interest in me the way she did. In retrospect i see how obvious it was it would've been a bad idea (we never married). I knew it, but i chose to ignore it because it felt good at the time. Chances are you are doing the same thing. Soon as you think you're bonding with someone, bam, you don't opt to see the warning signs. As a result you end up with someone who is not the type of person you convinced yourself they were. And that's when the negative fallout proceeds.
I think this is where a professional can come in. Someone you can get all that stuff out of you and off your chest. This way it prevents that build up inside you where you feel a need to find someone to talk to. You already have someone. And that way you are less likely to desperately seek out people and make bad choices in who you confide in. Here's a book that you can look into on helping you find better people to be in your life as well.. Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't: Henry Cloud, John Townsend: 0025986210847: Amazon.com: Books Its written by Christian psychologists, so nothing bad in it.
 
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