Asexuality and Christianity

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mordsith333

Guest
#1
#1
Okay, so I have a little something bugging me that I'd love some feedback on, so first a bit of background and then my question.

I'm 21. I was raised in a strong Christian household and still hold those values and beliefs very close to my heart today. Over the past while, I've been reading on asexuality, as I've never been sexually attracted to anyone, nor ever had the urge to masturbate or any other sort of sexual activity, including, until recently, kissing. My first kiss was quite gross in fact, though now I find my current boyfriend is quite a good kisser

Anyway, one goal of Christians is to not lust after people (as in, not to have/dwell on sexual attraction towards people), and, as is widely known, sex is a point of consternation within the Church, and it's drilled into us not to think about or act on sex outside marriage.

Here's my question(s). If I have never had sexual attraction to anyone, or at all, how can I tell if I am truly asexual or if I've just been so highly influenced by my religion that I've trained myself to not recognize sexual attraction or feel it, or whatever? Also, do you think that's even possible? I ask, because, if I've never felt it, how do I know what it is? Maybe I HAVE felt it, but not recognized it as such.

See, I can definitely see myself being attracted to my future partner. I feel like because I can imagine, and even expect a future sexual relationship, I've essentially just set a religious timer on myself, and when it kicks in, when I meet "the right guy", suddenly I'll be totally sexual (or gradually I will be). Though in my understanding, that's close to how demisexuality works - once you find someone you have a strong emotional bond with, and as long as that bond holds, you can be as sexual with that person as a sexual person would be.

Yeah, so mainly I'm sort of conflicted with "Am I actually asexual, or am I just a really good Christian?" And, I know, no one can answer for me, but I was just looking to get some other people's views on the thing.

Also, sorry if this post sounds jumbled or whatever, I'm notoriously bad at putting my thoughts clearly into words.
 
Bushido8000

Bushido8000

Banned
#2
Jan 24, 2012
1,299
15
0
#2
Wow that's a tough one you got there. If I had to take a guess I would say asexual, simply because I couldn't imagine not even being attracted to the opposite sex. To me, noticing attractiveness can't be beaten or overcome and is part of temptation. If you don't even feel that temptation then I would have to say that you seem to be leaning on an asexual side. It's hard to know without actually being you and feeling what you feel haha.
 
G

GOD_IS_LOVE

Senior Member
#3
Mar 16, 2009
306
4
18
#3
Lol, that's a nice change to the sexual topic threads. It would be nice to have more of these, lol.
As to your "problem", why worry about it, if you see yourself in a complete relationship in the future?
My bet goes to: you're just a good Christian.
:D:D:D
 
VikkiKate89

VikkiKate89

Banned
#4
Jul 24, 2010
829
7
0
35
#4
mordsith333 said:
Here's my question(s). If I have never had sexual attraction to anyone, or at all, how can I tell if I am truly asexual or if I've just been so highly influenced by my religion that I've trained myself to not recognize sexual attraction or feel it, or whatever? Also, do you think that's even possible? I ask, because, if I've never felt it, how do I know what it is? Maybe I HAVE felt it, but not recognized it as such.
Click to expand...
Asexuality is very possible. I actually have a friend of mine who is asexual and has openly admitted she's never felt sexual attraction to either genders and doesn't feel the need for companionship that most people do but is happy enough with a close circle of friends and focuses more on studying and work than finding "the one". It's not a very common thing, but it is real none the less. And I'm guessing more likely than not you either are asexual, or you just haven't found the right person yet. I highly doubt religion has anything to do with it because even the most devout seem to struggle so badly with carnal desires and lust issues (hence there being almost a million threads on the subject on here).

If you know you're not attracted to anyone or feel any sexual attraction to anyone at least I would suggest just simply living your life. Some people are born to live a happy singular life and don't need additional human companionship. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it and I would just continue living your life in the way you think is right. And if things change they change (I say this because you're still at the right age where it may just be a matter of not having found the right person yet). But don't be afraid of the possibility or being asexual, there's nothing wrong with it, and it's really not worth worrying over.
 
Saul_Durian

Saul_Durian

Banned
#5
Nov 10, 2011
607
6
0
#5
Take a look at Bushido's avatar, if you don't feel anything...you are Asexual ;)
 
D

djness

Guest
#6
#6
mordsith333 said:
Okay, so I have a little something bugging me that I'd love some feedback on, so first a bit of background and then my question.

I'm 21. I was raised in a strong Christian household and still hold those values and beliefs very close to my heart today. Over the past while, I've been reading on asexuality, as I've never been sexually attracted to anyone, nor ever had the urge to masturbate or any other sort of sexual activity, including, until recently, kissing. My first kiss was quite gross in fact, though now I find my current boyfriend is quite a good kisser

Anyway, one goal of Christians is to not lust after people (as in, not to have/dwell on sexual attraction towards people), and, as is widely known, sex is a point of consternation within the Church, and it's drilled into us not to think about or act on sex outside marriage.

Here's my question(s). If I have never had sexual attraction to anyone, or at all, how can I tell if I am truly asexual or if I've just been so highly influenced by my religion that I've trained myself to not recognize sexual attraction or feel it, or whatever? Also, do you think that's even possible? I ask, because, if I've never felt it, how do I know what it is? Maybe I HAVE felt it, but not recognized it as such.

See, I can definitely see myself being attracted to my future partner. I feel like because I can imagine, and even expect a future sexual relationship, I've essentially just set a religious timer on myself, and when it kicks in, when I meet "the right guy", suddenly I'll be totally sexual (or gradually I will be). Though in my understanding, that's close to how demisexuality works - once you find someone you have a strong emotional bond with, and as long as that bond holds, you can be as sexual with that person as a sexual person would be.

Yeah, so mainly I'm sort of conflicted with "Am I actually asexual, or am I just a really good Christian?" And, I know, no one can answer for me, but I was just looking to get some other people's views on the thing.

Also, sorry if this post sounds jumbled or whatever, I'm notoriously bad at putting my thoughts clearly into words.
Click to expand...
If you are a really good christian or ''asexual'' as you term it,either way you will have less sin in your life. Win win.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#7
#7
Perhaps God has just given you the gift of celibacy?
 
VikkiKate89

VikkiKate89

Banned
#8
Jul 24, 2010
829
7
0
35
#8
Saul_Durian said:
Take a look at Bushido's avatar, if you don't feel anything...you are Asexual ;)
Click to expand...
*looks* He has looks (IMO), money, and an endless supply of chocolate... yeah I'm totally not asexual. *gets in my car* Look out Wonka, here I come!!!
 
Saul_Durian

Saul_Durian

Banned
#9
Nov 10, 2011
607
6
0
#9
VikkiKate89 said:
*looks* He has looks (IMO), money, and an endless supply of chocolate... yeah I'm totally not asexual. *gets in my car* Look out Wonka, here I come!!!
Click to expand...

Hahaha. I didn't even consider the chocolate.
 
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mordsith333

Guest
#10
#10
Thank you guys so much for your input!

I never really thought it was a problem, it was more the idea of whether I could really call myself asexual and be right or not. I think I'll stick to it, and continue to entertain the possibility of the potential future person, but it's really not a main concern of mine. I mean why should it be? In a world where sex is all around us, I'm blessed enough to be able to walk through it unaffected. Though I DO crave romantic relationships, i.e. I SO want to date and get married. maybe even have kids (adoption).

Actually, I'm in a christian relationship right now, and I haven't told him yet about the way I feel (or rather don't feel) about sex. Our relationship isn't sexual, because we both agreed on no premarital sex, but now, after finding a word for my lack of lust (boo yah) I feel like I need to tell him that I may indeed have been given the gift of celibacy, and see what he feels about that.

Any advice on how i should approach the topic? I'm kind of worried that I won't be able to explain myself properly. Suggestions? Comments?
 
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Sweetbird

Banned
#11
Feb 4, 2012
83
0
0
#11
It's a screaming shame that some of the most spiritual people are going to die out of our evolutionary gene pool due to celibacy, but then, you know, there are other ways to reproduce onself. Just look at Jesus. Come Lord Jesus!
 
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mordsith333

Guest
#12
#12
Do you really think that the Word of God and spirituality is passed on through our genes, Sweetbird? I may not have the desire for sex, but adoption is not out of the question for me. I can still pass on my love fro God and affect people who surround me. Genes have nothing at all to do with it.
 
S

Sweetbird

Banned
#13
Feb 4, 2012
83
0
0
#13
What if your child is a peek into heaven, like a next life, born again? I learned in college that the human brain did not used to be adapted to language, but now has evolved actual physical structures that deal with the Word. The language centers of the brain. What your mom never told you is gone, but the most heavenly of our treasures are becoming permanent. The word is being made flesh.The word is in our physical dna now. As consciousness becomes continuous in things like word, language, and writing, it further develops until we defeat birth and death in the alpha and omega. just my humble opinion.

The adopted child has all your soul in their heart. the sweet words of wisdom you whisper not one are lost.



mordsith333 said:
Do you really think that the Word of God and spirituality is passed on through our genes, Sweetbird? I may not have the desire for sex, but adoption is not out of the question for me. I can still pass on my love fro God and affect people who surround me. Genes have nothing at all to do with it.
Click to expand...
 
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mordsith333

Guest
#14
#14
the Word was written/inspired AFTER the adaptation of our brains to language. God used the faculties we already had and adjusted the way he spoke to us to that. Just because I'm Christian doesn't mean that if I bred with other Christians and maintained a Christian descendancy, that we would develop a "God sense". God speaks to us using what we already have.
 
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Sweetbird

Banned
#15
Feb 4, 2012
83
0
0
#15
hey actually dude you are right since quantum science states that the observer influences the observed. Id much rather observe the paradox in union but it's not really like we're in two different realities cos we can still talk about it. you magdalane spawn you!
 
TheKringledOne

TheKringledOne

Senior Member
#16
Dec 25, 2009
423
4
18
#16
I don't really have enough information to tell. However, as an asexual (by many people standards), I can tell you that the picture you are painting of yourself sounds quite a bit like me. The only difference is that I am not a christian and never have been.
 
S

Sweetbird

Banned
#17
Feb 4, 2012
83
0
0
#17
it is an inborn preference with the potential for training in any direction by you and/or your environment
 
J

Jordache

Guest
#18
#18
Interesting question. I'm not sure I'm qualified to answer except that I would be wary of equating asexuality with being a good Christian. Paul told us that both celibacy and marriage were good for different reasons. You are blessed to not struggle with lust, but (and I don't mean this to be interpreted as me saying you're not a good Christian) I don't think your sexuality equates to being a
good or bad Christian.
However, I'm curious. What was the reason you kissed your boyfriend? If you cam fathom having a sexual relationship in marriage in the future then what would be the basis of it being sexual? In other words, why would you be having sex? Because the bible commands it in marriage? To serve your husband? Also, if you're going to have a sexual relationship then what is the reason for adopting? Don't get me wrong. I think adopting is great. But do you just feel drawn to adoption? Do you not want to be pregnant or give birth? And if you say your boyfriend is a good kisser, what do you base that on? I would think that being asexual, kissing may be along the lines of kissing a relative... Just a demonstration of platonic affection. What makes you feel like he's a good kisser?

Btw, don't feel like you must answer any questions. But they might be some things to ponder.

Also, to have the gift of celibacy doesn't mean you must be asexual. It's a gift, but you must choose to exercise the gift. It's a good gift. I know a guy who received this gift. His leaders made him wait in accountability for a year in order to confirm what God was doing in him. Hes still sexually
attracted to women, and he occasionally struggles with lust, but he's kept exercising his
gift for over 20 years. That would be a really long time for someone without the gifting to white knuckle it through life.
 
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