Awkward

[zeroturbulence]

I can be kind of an awkward person and I'm definitely not good at conversation, especially with people I don't know very well. That's why I like forums and stuff like this because I can write--that's my thing. But talking, not so much.

I never know what to say or what to talk about and I actually enjoy being in silence sometimes. Even with my friends, I'm like this. There are only five people in the whole worl I feel absolutely comfortable talking to in person. That's my family and my boyfriend. It takes years and years for me to feel comfortable with people in person.

The point of all of this is: I was helping my friend with her baby shower shopping and I waas out withher and her friends. I didn't know them well at all, so I felt really awkward. I didn't have anything to talk about. Then, one of the guys started pointing out how awkward I was. It made it so much worse and then it was topped off by my friend not standing up for me. I'd shared with her how hard it is for me and I thought she understood. But she went right along with him.

It took everything in me not to break down and cry. I was begging God to help me suck it up and not care what they thought. But I did care and I couldn't do a thing about it.

When I got home, I broke down and asked God (for probably the hundredth time) why He made me to be so awkward. I have tried to step out of my comfort zone (especially during college) and it's worked somewhat. I have made good freinds in college, but I'm still always struggling with my awkwardness. Some friends understand, others point it out and make it worse because they just don't get it.

I know that God has given me the gift of writing (noveling and some poetry) because thats' how I connect with people. But it's hard to remember and appreciate in times when I need to be social and just don't know how to. It's very frusterating.

I know the verses about gentle and quite spirits and I and comforted by these. But how and I supposed to handle those situations like the baby shower shopping? I'm trying to find confidence in who I am in God, but.......agch.

The next time something like this happens remember these 3 things. They work for me when I feel offended or mistreated.

1) God is your witness - God saw everything that person/s did to you and feels every ounce of your hurt and indignation. God's heart cries with you and has made an account of what has been done to you. The scripture says not to seek revenge because vengeance is God's alone. That means they will have to answer to God for what they did to you.

2) You will receive Double for your Trouble - Isaiah 61:7 says "For your shame ye shall have double" (KJV)

3) Clear the dark clouds from your heart - The anger and pain that you feel are like dark, ominous storm clouds covering your heart. Ask the Lord to please remove them from your heart and picture them vanishing to reveal your true heart - bright, joyful and radiant!

 

[zeroturbulence]

I forgot to reference the part about God's vengeance:

I will take revenge; I will pay them back. In due time their feet will slip. Their day of disaster will arrive, and their destiny will overtake them.'
Deuteronomy 32:35 (NLT)

Oh and those dark clouds that hover over your heart - I believe the devil puts them there to try and destroy our joy and make us contemplate evil:

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret--it leads only to evil.
Psalm 37:8 NIV

 

[Lyndies]

Nice verses...thank you. :]