Big Losses =(

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ScarsThatBind

Guest
#1
#1
Tonight I've been on a roll...for the worse.

1. I tried to tell a friend of my problems and she said that not only am I messed up but that she can not support me any more, even though I said how much of an effort to better myself. I simply walked away.

2. A male friend said he has liked me for "the longest" to which I replied "I am a mess, I don't have feelings for you right now"....but that isn't true. How do I fix that.

3. Fighting back every urge to binge like an elephant. =(
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
1 - Situations like that are hurtful, but they reveal character as well, or lack thereof. Much as it may hurt, you're truly better off without someone like that in your life.

2 - I wouldn't. You're doing very well right now, but you still have a good bit of work ahead of you. The best thing for you is to focus on your personal growth. Spiritual growth. Dating can be a distraction. You could maybe go back and explain that you have a lot you need to deal with before you would be ready for a relationship, which is true. Express that much as you like him too, but you have to take care of you for now.

3 - Is proof of #2 and how you would be better off not entering a relationship at this time.



Well, that's my take on things at least. As always, feel free to message me to talk about it or whatever. Or vent. Stuff.
 
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ScarsThatBind

Guest
#3
#3
I feel bad for it. I want to be open and honest, yet when I do the ones I care about either A) don't understand or B) I end up hurting them by telling them whats hurt me. All though that proves to me they really do care but feeling what I'm dealing with, it makes me angry at myself for hurting them. I know I am getting better and that I am strong enough to do this on my own--and with God. I can't help but to keep thinking of the emotion in his voice and eyes when he said how he felt, and the devastation when I said I don't have feelings for him at this time. Which in its own right, it true. My focus is not on him, and I can not let it turn that way or I will lose all my progress to date.

I do not like letting people down. For now though I suppose I need to not let myself down most of all. Falling like today is okay and will happen, I am aware of that. Crashing however is not okay and I refuse!
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
I can relate. I am the same way. I hate hurting people i care about. But we have to be aware that we will. And they will hurt us. It's a part of life we have to learn to live with.

Doing the right thing isn't always easy, Scar. I know. I've Not done the right thing often enough to know that that hurts just as much, and maybe more. How much more hurt would he be if you moved forward and weren't ready? Things went bad. It's easy to see the pain we cause, but we don't always realize the pain we spare them from could be greater. Hold on to that knowledge and find the comfort in it.

And no. We aren't meant to do things alone. God gives us people in our lives for a purpose. Iron sharpens iron. There may be times when God puts you alone, because there is a need for it. But He also provides us people at other times. Don't let a silly pride issue of 'proving' anything to yourself or anyone else that you can do it alone interfere with honest and true growth of acknowledging you need others. And the way God can move in them.

Also, the whole 'i can do this on my own' only works to remove you from the service of Gods work. What you may have to offer could be what God wants to use you in. And if you're so focused on 'doing it yourself' you not only rob yourself of Gods gift of friendship, but you rob others of what you can do in their life.
 
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ScarsThatBind

Guest
#5
#5
Thank you. I'm trying to grow my understanding in my life of everything you mentioned. Letting God rule my life not me.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#6
#6
I'll shoosh now and let other people speak hahaha. I'm supposed to be advising less. o.o
 
RedTent

RedTent

Banned
#7
Oct 31, 2011
8,200
182
0
#7
Most people simply don't hear you, they hear themselves. Your crashes are about not being helped, heard and loved. That is their crashes, too.

You can only give them help, encouragement and love freely, and take the Lord's freely given help, encouragement and love so you can stand solid even when it seems friends can't give it.
 
Toska

Toska

Senior Member
#8
Nov 16, 2013
1,857
22
38
#8
You did have a terrible night. I am so sorry you are going through so much. I wish I could just give you a hug.

1. True friends are the ones that stick with you through everything in your life. They are there to celebrate the good things and they are there to pick you up when you fall. I am sorry that your friend hurt you like that. You deserve better. I do understand that part of your situation, I have had problems with people only being 'fair weather' friends--they are only there in the good times and seem to disappear during the bad times. You will find friends that will stick with you through thick and thin.

2. I agree with Ugly, now would not be a good time get involved with someone. You are on a path that is leading you to God and getting involved in a relationship could distract you and keep you from God. Take care of yourself first, then you will have more to give when you do get into a relationship.

3. I hope this question does not offend you but, what does binging do to help you feel better? This is a genuine question, I am not trying to hurt you or belittle you. If you do not want to answer, I understand completely.

A little food for thought. With all that you have been through, you are still here on this earth and now you are on a site where people genuinely care for you. I am so glad you are here. I think God may have big plans for you in the future. Keep praying and we will also be praying for you. God can give you the strength to get through your struggles--I know He helped me when my life hit rock bottom.
 
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ScarsThatBind

Guest
#9
#9
Thank you for the support.

Binging for me is a way of control. Though sometimes it backfires and I feel completely out of control. In the times I feel control, I fill myself with all my "problems" I do it til I cannot take it anymore, then I purge. It makes me feel like I am putting all of it into physical form and just getting rid of it.

At the same time I understand that way is wrong. I do. But, when I lose control, when the demons in my head rear their ugly heads and shout at me "you are a fat grotesque waste of space" "you will never be good enough that's why your mother hated you" etc. Etc. I can easily eat enough for two people in one sitting, sometimes I'll purge other times I'll restrict to the point of passing out.

My mediocre job wont support these actions anymore and I want to get better. I have been doing so good and am proud of myself except for last night. I actually have been to a treatment center before and have been thinking about doing the celebrate recovery program at the local church. But it is a HUGE church =( I don't know of any other local support groups.

Toska said:
You did have a terrible night. I am so sorry you are going through so much. I wish I could just give you a hug.

1. True friends are the ones that stick with you through everything in your life. They are there to celebrate the good things and they are there to pick you up when you fall. I am sorry that your friend hurt you like that. You deserve better. I do understand that part of your situation, I have had problems with people only being 'fair weather' friends--they are only there in the good times and seem to disappear during the bad times. You will find friends that will stick with you through thick and thin.

2. I agree with Ugly, now would not be a good time get involved with someone. You are on a path that is leading you to God and getting involved in a relationship could distract you and keep you from God. Take care of yourself first, then you will have more to give when you do get into a relationship.

3. I hope this question does not offend you but, what does binging do to help you feel better? This is a genuine question, I am not trying to hurt you or belittle you. If you do not want to answer, I understand completely.

A little food for thought. With all that you have been through, you are still here on this earth and now you are on a site where people genuinely care for you. I am so glad you are here. I think God may have big plans for you in the future. Keep praying and we will also be praying for you. God can give you the strength to get through your struggles--I know He helped me when my life hit rock bottom.
Click to expand...
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#10
#10
Just don't focus on the times you mess up. All recovery, whether drugs, alcohol, eating disorder, etc.. are going to have moments of weakness. Many in the beginning, but over time they become less and less. Just the honesty with yourself and willingness to fight alone should be enough to make you proud and encourage you to dust yourself off and keep pushing. I think what you're doing is awesome, mistakes or not.
 
Toska

Toska

Senior Member
#11
Nov 16, 2013
1,857
22
38
#11
Again, I agree with Ugly. Don't focus on the bad times. It is too easy to dwell on those things and get depressed about it. Instead, have little celebrations for each positive step you take. Remember, baby steps! Every baby step that you take will turn into miles and miles of success.

I have to tell you that I am so proud of you. You are talking about the problems you are going through and you are taking steps to change these behaviors. It won't happen overnight, it will take time, so be patient with yourself. We are here to support you in this. Not only with prayers but, with friendship, too.

In the little bit of time that I have gotten to know you, I think you are a pretty special young lady. You are fighting a serious battle with your problems and I know you can win this battle. And, you are sharing your story so others may avoid the path you have been on--that is so awesome! I already have so much respect for you. Fight the good fight, sweet one. You can beat this!
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#12
#12
Sorry, i couldn't help but think of 'What About Bob?' when i saw you say 'baby steps' hahaha.
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#13
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
113
#13
ScarsThatBind said:
Tonight I've been on a roll...for the worse.

1. I tried to tell a friend of my problems and she said that not only am I messed up but that she can not support me any more, even though I said how much of an effort to better myself. I simply walked away.

2. A male friend said he has liked me for "the longest" to which I replied "I am a mess, I don't have feelings for you right now"....but that isn't true. How do I fix that.

3. Fighting back every urge to binge like an elephant. =(
Click to expand...

scarsthatbind,

1.) If that friend is unwilling to support you anymore, then maybe she was'nt a true friend to begin with and you're better off without her. :) True friends stick by you through hell and high water. You have plenty of people here on CC willing to talk to you and listen. You're free to message me anytime. :)

2.) In regards to the guy who likes you, I think you need to get your life more stable before engaging in any type of relationship. Hopefully he will want to support you through this time. If he is sincere, he will wait until you are ready to go to the next stage.

3.) I applaud you for resisting all the urges!! Keep in mind the #tinywins you've been making lately!! :) Trust God to carry you through this and ask him to take these urges away. God bless you, hon.
 
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