Breaking Relationship - But Felt Like She Used Me

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ServantHood

Banned
#1
Oct 18, 2011
41
0
0
#1
Just pray for her. But I feel so depressed, that I feel like I'm doing things that I shouldn't to stop her, almost like controlling. Matter of fact, I'll say it is controlling. Long story short, there is this guy, who she thinks is attractive, cute, nice, and is very similar to her. College degree, they're both going for the same thing. They met once, and she was lit up by him, and called him a "sweetie." While I was left feeling insecure about the whole thing, feeling let down. I pray on the matter, and two words God said to me, "him, and my cousin." If I let her near those two guys, she will not like me, nor will she ever want to come back to me. Those two guys, one of them, the word of God to me was, "he'll be bad for her." And I ended up in tears for hours, and for over a year I have been with her. Trying to "change" her life, even though knowing I can't really force anything on anybody. But it seems like at the end of this, she and that guy, eventually somehow, ended up meeting again out of the blue. Matter of fact, it was my fault. I was the one who kind of set it up, and now, I feel very unstable, as if she will leave me for this guy. Matter of fact, I know it is true, she will. She will start liking this guy over me. Because all we ever do is argue and fight, and all I ever do is try to guide her like I am her daddy, but I am not.

I'm letting it go, but the issue is, even though I am letting this go, I can't let the idea that her with this guy can get through. So I am almost at everything, at my power, to stop this from happening. And I have been, playing psychology games with her. Even lying, to get her to turn the other way from this guy. I am guilty. And I am depressed about it all. I want to just let go, but I'm scare that I cannot. Because she will end up with this guy if I do. If none of this make any sense to anybody. Don't be alarm, I don't expect it too. She isn't a Christian, very stubborn, unkind, not loving. But yet, I have been to her all these months. And all I ever got from her was, "Go fv__ yourself." She is immature, and I expect that. But this was the girl God said will be my wife, and at the end of this statement, He said to me, "Fight for her." All this fighting has got me almost feeling so down and depressed. I just want to give up. She has changed a lot. And I am a virgin waiting for God promises. If anybody was curious. Please, I openly share this with all you guys, because I really don't know where else to go for advice and help and prayers. The last thing I really want, is just somebody crashing me down. I expect it, but I really don't want to deal with it. I really can't deal with much at this moment, cause I am hurt.
 
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3

38miles

Guest
#2
#2
ServantHood said:
But this was the girl God said will be my wife, and at the end of this statement, He said to me, "Fight for her." All this fighting has got me almost feeling so down and depressed. I just want to give up.
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Brother, I feel for you and I'm praying for you now. If you truly believe God has said this about her being your wife, then your fight will need to be through your faith, and not through your will. As hard as it is, you have to trust God to do the work that only He can do. You must give up any words, or controlling voices. You must literally give God space.

i just watched a good message on conflict...it was recommended to me by a friend in Cape Coral. It's about 39 min, church is CapeChristian.com and as a vimeo under sermons. This just gave me much to think and consider in my heart, so if you think that is something God may want to use with you...check it out... Cape Christian
 
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OnThisRock

Senior Member
#3
Jan 20, 2011
353
9
18
#3
Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all things will be added unto you!
 
wanderer6059

wanderer6059

Senior Member
#4
Oct 27, 2013
1,282
57
48
#4
ServantHood said:
Just pray for her. But I feel so depressed, that I feel like I'm doing things that I shouldn't to stop her, almost like controlling. Matter of fact, I'll say it is controlling. Long story short, there is this guy, who she thinks is attractive, cute, nice, and is very similar to her. College degree, they're both going for the same thing. They met once, and she was lit up by him, and called him a "sweetie." While I was left feeling insecure about the whole thing, feeling let down. I pray on the matter, and two words God said to me, "him, and my cousin." If I let her near those two guys, she will not like me, nor will she ever want to come back to me. Those two guys, one of them, the word of God to me was, "he'll be bad for her." And I ended up in tears for hours, and for over a year I have been with her. Trying to "change" her life, even though knowing I can't really force anything on anybody. But it seems like at the end of this, she and that guy, eventually somehow, ended up meeting again out of the blue. Matter of fact, it was my fault. I was the one who kind of set it up, and now, I feel very unstable, as if she will leave me for this guy. Matter of fact, I know it is true, she will. She will start liking this guy over me. Because all we ever do is argue and fight, and all I ever do is try to guide her like I am her daddy, but I am not.

I'm letting it go, but the issue is, even though I am letting this go, I can't let the idea that her with this guy can get through. So I am almost at everything, at my power, to stop this from happening. And I have been, playing psychology games with her. Even lying, to get her to turn the other way from this guy. I am guilty. And I am depressed about it all. I want to just let go, but I'm scare that I cannot. Because she will end up with this guy if I do. If none of this make any sense to anybody. Don't be alarm, I don't expect it too. She isn't a Christian, very stubborn, unkind, not loving. But yet, I have been to her all these months. And all I ever got from her was, "Go fv__ yourself." She is immature, and I expect that. But this was the girl God said will be my wife, and at the end of this statement, He said to me, "Fight for her." All this fighting has got me almost feeling so down and depressed. I just want to give up. She has changed a lot. And I am a virgin waiting for God promises. If anybody was curious. Please, I openly share this with all you guys, because I really don't know where else to go for advice and help and prayers. The last thing I really want, is just somebody crashing me down. I expect it, but I really don't want to deal with it. I really can't deal with much at this moment, cause I am hurt.
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brother i know right were you are coming from let go if it is Gods plane you will be together. right now your putting that relationship above him
 
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ww_21

Guest
#5
#5
The end of a relationship is always painful so much so that some find it easier just to keep away from them because of the dreaded end. I have no idea what to say on this matter except that on behalf of the female population I would like to apologize to you because you were treated this way by one of our own gender. I think it's horrible. If I were dating someone I would never say such things to them or even raise my voice at them in anyway.. I believe you get out of a relationship - what you put into it so why add such horrible things when you could add love, happiness and anything else that's good.

I hope you get over the pain soon although I myself know how difficult it is. My prayer for you is that God blesses with with an abundance of happiness and takes your pain away and that your heart stops hurting soon. Take care my friend.
 
A

abbiejean

Guest
#6
#6
There's a saying that goes something like if you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it doesn't, it never was.

Open your heart and your hands and release the whole thing - girl and circumstances - to God. Yes, God may have promised you this one, but it may be that this individual has to walk a journey herself alone with God, going through some things before she changes her mind. Let God be God and let Him unfold what He wants for and in your life.

Control and manipulation, lying is never good. Never.
 
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Aqua_Girl09

Guest
#7
#7
you sound like my ex. and thats the only reason i don't hate him. cause what he was doing was for my "best interest" But i have to say I'd never been so defeated, depressed, self conscious, and just down right suicidal then when i was with him and he was trying to "Guide" me in the right direction.

It started innocently enough but you CANNOT be your wife's "father". If this relationship is going to work its going to have to work with you guys being partners and not you telling her what to do with every step of her life. If thats what you want then get a dog.

You can chase her. But if you're trying to "control" someone then you're doing a terribly horrible thing and she would be much better off without you. You say she's not Christian so if the only close example she has of a christian is her boyfriend treating her the way you are then personally I'd NEVER want to know about a God that tells his children to act like that.

If you know you're doing wrong then fix it. But don't use your emotions and the messages you think you received from God as an excuse to treat someone the way you're doing now.
 
TheAristocat

TheAristocat

Senior Member
#8
Oct 4, 2011
2,150
26
0
#8
ServantHood said:
Just pray for her. But I feel so depressed, that I feel like I'm doing things that I shouldn't to stop her, almost like controlling. Matter of fact, I'll say it is controlling. Long story short, there is this guy, who she thinks is attractive, cute, nice, and is very similar to her. College degree, they're both going for the same thing. They met once, and she was lit up by him, and called him a "sweetie." While I was left feeling insecure about the whole thing, feeling let down. I pray on the matter, and two words God said to me, "him, and my cousin." If I let her near those two guys, she will not like me, nor will she ever want to come back to me. Those two guys, one of them, the word of God to me was, "he'll be bad for her." And I ended up in tears for hours, and for over a year I have been with her. Trying to "change" her life, even though knowing I can't really force anything on anybody. But it seems like at the end of this, she and that guy, eventually somehow, ended up meeting again out of the blue. Matter of fact, it was my fault. I was the one who kind of set it up, and now, I feel very unstable, as if she will leave me for this guy. Matter of fact, I know it is true, she will. She will start liking this guy over me. Because all we ever do is argue and fight, and all I ever do is try to guide her like I am her daddy, but I am not.

I'm letting it go, but the issue is, even though I am letting this go, I can't let the idea that her with this guy can get through. So I am almost at everything, at my power, to stop this from happening. And I have been, playing psychology games with her. Even lying, to get her to turn the other way from this guy. I am guilty. And I am depressed about it all. I want to just let go, but I'm scare that I cannot. Because she will end up with this guy if I do. If none of this make any sense to anybody. Don't be alarm, I don't expect it too. She isn't a Christian, very stubborn, unkind, not loving. But yet, I have been to her all these months. And all I ever got from her was, "Go fv__ yourself." She is immature, and I expect that. But this was the girl God said will be my wife, and at the end of this statement, He said to me, "Fight for her." All this fighting has got me almost feeling so down and depressed. I just want to give up. She has changed a lot. And I am a virgin waiting for God promises. If anybody was curious. Please, I openly share this with all you guys, because I really don't know where else to go for advice and help and prayers. The last thing I really want, is just somebody crashing me down. I expect it, but I really don't want to deal with it. I really can't deal with much at this moment, cause I am hurt.
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If God said that girl's going to be your wife, then you don't have to do a thing to get her. But I'd caution placing your hopes in her unless you have some pretty strong evidence. Sounds like you want her pretty bad and have been doing quite a bit you shouldn't have to keep her. Just let her go. If God wants her in your life he'll bring her back. In the mean time stop lying to and trying to manipulate her and be a good ambassador for Christ. Because, can you imagine what she thinks of your God right now?

I know some of what you're going through, because similar things happened to me. In time you'll get over her and not give a flip. Seriously. Or at least I hope so. Especially if you find a great God-fearing lady who likes you and who you like. If I were you, though, I'd give up on any plan to make her your wife. If God wills it, then it will happen without any effort on your part. If it never happens, then it wasn't meant to be and God never willed it. Easy as that. Go your way. Find your woman. Forget about this one. It's in God's hands.
 
TheAristocat

TheAristocat

Senior Member
#9
Oct 4, 2011
2,150
26
0
#9
Aqua_Girl09 said:
you sound like my ex. and thats the only reason i don't hate him. cause what he was doing was for my "best interest" But i have to say I'd never been so defeated, depressed, self conscious, and just down right suicidal then when i was with him and he was trying to "Guide" me in the right direction.

It started innocently enough but you CANNOT be your wife's "father". If this relationship is going to work its going to have to work with you guys being partners and not you telling her what to do with every step of her life. If thats what you want then get a dog.

You can chase her. But if you're trying to "control" someone then you're doing a terribly horrible thing and she would be much better off without you. You say she's not Christian so if the only close example she has of a christian is her boyfriend treating her the way you are then personally I'd NEVER want to know about a God that tells his children to act like that.

If you know you're doing wrong then fix it. But don't use your emotions and the messages you think you received from God as an excuse to treat someone the way you're doing now.
Click to expand...
wow. seems like every girl i see has had a crummy father. my dad let me do whatever i wanted for the most part. only thing he made me do were some chores, homework, a little after-class sports. He wasn't manipulative or controlling. He let me pick my own hobbies from my own personal tastes. He was strict when it came to morality though. He'd shout at me if I lied to him, beat my butt, all that good stuff. :eek: lol

I just hope women out there don't think that being a good husband consists of not being the wife's head. Because from my past experiences, that doesn't work. The woman always ends up as the head or as a nag. Shared leadership in a relationship is a myth, especially when it comes down to tough decisions like moving out, where to move to, kids educations, discipline methods. "Shared leadership" is like iron mixed with clay. Seriously, the only thing I'd beat my wife's butt at is gaming though. ;) And that's not because I wouldn't view myself as being in a position of leadership much like her father was over her. It's just because spanking anyone past the age of 11 doesn't turn out very well. lol To put it simply. Not to mention I have my own faults and am an adult as well.
 
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