Ms Lindsey... I truly feel for you. Do a little search on the forums and you will find my story, how I have tried to relay all of what has happened in my life over the last few months.
As a man, I am on the other side of the equation from you, but we are BOTH in a similar equation none-the-less.
What you are going through, what you will go through, is THE most difficult thing that I have EVER been through. You can make it, you just have to be strong. You will be asked to be stronger than you ever thought you could be, but God WILL see you through this. Use that fire that you had when you first met your husband, that connection that you shared, use anything and everything that is good about your relationship. It is more important to me to help my wife and I repair our marriage, than it is about what got us to where we are that caused her to fall. MY job is to lift her up, yes, to hold my spouse accountable as well, but it is my job to be her greatest supporter.
Funny, my wife just texted me while I was typing this and said, "Thank you for being a better person/spouse than me." My response, "I am truly confused. I look to you for my inspiration... I am far from 'stronger'... if anything, this has proved to me how weak I truly am. I know that I couldn't do this without you... what would be the point in trying."
Having your husband cut off ALL ties to that other person, is ABSOLUTELY critical to being able to mend and repair your marriage. From my own personal experience, that is going to be extremely hard for your husband to do... as it was for my wife. She initially said she would, but she she didn't follow through. She said she would again, but I found that she had more trouble again. It is a really horrible emotional roller-coaster ride.
Be strong, even when it is more than you think you can bear. Hold to your faith, God will be there when you need strength. Seek a Christian counselor, and when he says he doesn't want to continue, strongly urge him to do so... at the VERY least, YOU continue. You WILL be tempted to allow him more leeway... I will STRONGLY caution you against that. My wife came around to seeing the need for the counseling, once she saw me taking my frustrations out on a hanging bag and seeing me drift in thoughts when I thought no one was around.
It took me a while, but I finally realized that there is nothing that one spouse can do that deserves another spouse to cheat on them. It is THE most hurtful thing that someone may go through. The intimate secrets that get shared between the spouse and their "friend", cuts to your core. The cheating spouse cannot understand that hurt, no matter how hard you try to make them understand, no matter how much you wish they could. Those feelings of betrayal and the lies that follow are some of the most difficult moments, they test your resolve. But in my case, and I hope this is mirrored in your case as well... I am thankful that my wife will NEVER know that pain. But I am also equally thankful that I am the one who gets to help her through her pain, and to be there on the other side when she does come through.
She means the world to me, and I am honored that God gave her to me... I am thankful that He trusts me to be there for her, supporting, waiting, and lifting her. How could someone do anything less with the gift He gave to you? She is my jewel, she is more precious than gold.
Have a blessed day,
-emptymailbag
