dating and kids

[shae0104]

this might should be posted in the fam section but frankly I dont care I wanted to see peoples views on dating and thier children. As for myself this is what I believe DONT DO IT!!!! until it serious. (I think gatherings or church is slightly different) I see women and men who jump in and out of relationships and tag thier kids along. The kids are the ones who suffer. I want my daughter to see me in a good light. To know her mother didn't go from one to the other. I'd like her to know having someone is special. That she doesn't need a person to make her feel complete. That the only thing she needs is God and his approval. So let me know how you feel or think.

 

[dashadow]

Dating when you have children is a tough one. When I was single I met a nice young lady who worked in the office a few doors down from where I worked. We had a mutual attraction and I decided to see where it might lead. She told me up front she had a daughter, and I had no problem with that.

Our first date was dinner at her home. In retrospect, I think that was a bad idea for a number of reasons. First of all, not a good idea to have someone you really don't know too well coming to your home. Secondly, not a good idea to have your child size someone up before finding out if that person is worth the time or effort.

One of the main reasons I lost interest in this particular lady was a comment she made about her daughter with regards to me. She said her daughter would always be the most important priority in her life. Now, I would have been fine with her saying God was the most important priority in her life. And I could appreciate the bond between someone and their own flesh and blood. But I wasn't too keen on taking a subordinate position of importance in the family planning.

As I'm now a parent myself, I can understand the importance of the relationship between parent and child even more. But there should be a reasonable perspective. Children have a tendency to dislike the idea of sharing their parent with a new partner. And while I think it's important to form a solid bond with the child or children of a potential mate, I don't want to feel like I have to meet their every approval.

I agree with you that the kids shouldn't be exposed to a lot of different people in a carousel of dating. It would leave a bad impression. And I think stressing the special value of a relationship is a wise decision on your part. The idea of not needing someone is a good point to stress as well, especially as you present it in a positive light, as opposed to presenting it out of bitterness like those who feel defeated by their failure to find a suitable mate.

If it is your desire, I pray God will provide you with a Faithful companion.

 

[shae0104]

Thank you so much for your imput and prayer.

Dating when you have children is a tough one. When I was single I met a nice young lady who worked in the office a few doors down from where I worked. We had a mutual attraction and I decided to see where it might lead. She told me up front she had a daughter, and I had no problem with that.

Our first date was dinner at her home. In retrospect, I think that was a bad idea for a number of reasons. First of all, not a good idea to have someone you really don't know too well coming to your home. Secondly, not a good idea to have your child size someone up before finding out if that person is worth the time or effort.

One of the main reasons I lost interest in this particular lady was a comment she made about her daughter with regards to me. She said her daughter would always be the most important priority in her life. Now, I would have been fine with her saying God was the most important priority in her life. And I could appreciate the bond between someone and their own flesh and blood. But I wasn't too keen on taking a subordinate position of importance in the family planning.

As I'm now a parent myself, I can understand the importance of the relationship between parent and child even more. But there should be a reasonable perspective. Children have a tendency to dislike the idea of sharing their parent with a new partner. And while I think it's important to form a solid bond with the child or children of a potential mate, I don't want to feel like I have to meet their every approval.

I agree with you that the kids shouldn't be exposed to a lot of different people in a carousel of dating. It would leave a bad impression. And I think stressing the special value of a relationship is a wise decision on your part. The idea of not needing someone is a good point to stress as well, especially as you present it in a positive light, as opposed to presenting it out of bitterness like those who feel defeated by their failure to find a suitable mate.

If it is your desire, I pray God will provide you with a Faithful companion.

 

[Jullianna]

I love kids and have no reservations about dating someone with kids. However, I don't know that getting to know someone's kids right away is a great idea. I say this because I've discovered how easy it is to become attached to someone's kids and care deeply about them. I can imagine that it's pretty easy for kids to develop feelings for someone a parent is dating rather quickly as well. To protect my own heart and certainly to protect the heart of a child, I think I would rather wait and see how things went with just the person I was dating before getting close to his children.

 

[shae0104]

I really think some people just dont know the damage it can cause, I posted this to raise awareness

 

[Jullianna]

It's a great topic, shae. Something we all need to give much thought to.

 

[shae0104]

It really was because of someone elses thread, I tend to do spin offs lol!

 

[zaoman32]

I agree with you shae. I agree with Jullianna to, though since I would be (at least one of) the one(s) with kids, I just wouldn't want any future girlfriend to meet them right off the bat. Early dating stages should be to get to know one another, and in my opinion involving kids right off the bat is way too much to quick, not to mention the matter of protecting their hearts by not letting them get to attached if things don't work.

 

[Chrissy77]

I have been on my own for five years and my kids have never met anyone that I have dated. I have told both of them that until I meet someone who I see might become a permanent fixture in my life, there is no need for them to meet said person.
My son is all for me dating, but my daughter would prefer that she just have Mom to herself for the next 11 years. I wouldn't make her make that adjustment until it was absolutely necessary.

 

[DuchessAimee]

If I was dating a man with kid(s) I would think meeting them early on is a bad idea. I would get attached to them and them to me. I remember men involved with my mom as a young girl and wishing them to get married so I would have a dad. I actually think it may be best to not meet the kid(s) until marriage was seriously on the table. And I wouldn't view his kid(s) as step children. They would become my babies whether I gave birth to them or not.

 

[PrettyBelle]

It really was because of someone elses thread, I tend to do spin offs lol!

Yeah thanks for pointing that out. Go back and read what I posted about it by the way.

 

[shae0104]

hope u received my email

Yeah thanks for pointing that out. Go back and read what I posted about it by the way.

 

[sunnygurl]

It is a great point to discuss. The welfare and safety of the children should be paramount over curing the loneliness of a single parent. As parents we are role models and set the standards by which our children live.

I fully agree that the partner meeting the children needs to happen when there is a clear and definte committment and well along the journey of courtship.