deadline?

[stranger_in_this_land]

Hi everyone,

I posted a sort time ago that I have been in a pretty big storm in my marriage. My wife is angry at me for something however things have been not right from the start of our marriage. We have both hurt each other in different ways. She had an affair in our first year of 17 yrs. being married. I, not feeling loved because the lack of affection and intimacy but more importantly I put my wife first instead of Jesus and let my emotions be dictated by my wife's actions.

So I turned to pornography to fill the lack of love and intimacy. I didn't take my love or desire for my wife from her and replace it with the pornography. I used it to fill the need of love. Several times throughout our marriage I would tell her I don't feel loved when should would see the computer history. She never seemed to hear me. I always initiated everything. Being a guy obviously we have a higher drive than do most females.

Anyways we are going on about six months of my wife being angry, evil spirited and mean to me. I don't even know who she is lately. I have told her that its one thing to be angry but to be mean is another. In the six months I have been in counseling and realized I put her above God and that's where I should have drawn my joy from ultimately and not turned to porn to fulfill the need of my sexual desire and to feel loved.

I have apologized for hurting her and tried explaining but she don't want to hear it. She wants to be mad and will take how ever long she wants. (her words). I said we have both hurt each other through the years and I want to create the marriage that God wants us to have (him being at the center). She seems to be pushing me away and God as well. Anytime I mention anything about God, Jesus or church she gets real agitated and says don't preach but I assure you I am not because I know that can drive someone away. But on the other hand do I not say anything about it? Its not like she is an unbeliever that I'm trying to convert. I just love her and see her pushing God away too. He is the only thing that can soften her heart because I've tried and said just about everything..pouring my love out to her.

My question is how long do I give it....how do I know when God tells me what to do. I love her with all my heart and am trying to be patient but she is being mean. what do I do? Please pray for me and my wife and kids.

Thank you and follow hard.

 

[ServantStrike]

Give it as long as it takes I say.


I'm not very well qualified to render thoughts on marriage, but as an ex porn addict, I can say that it doesn't matter how badly things around us go, or how much we want to say people drove us to it, it's ultimately our own bad choice. Not tearing you down, just trying to give you a bit of extra perspective. Your wife's affair was a painful, but separate issue.

 

[breno785au]

There is no deadline, stick it out and continue to follow the Lord, if she decides to leave let her but you never know what God can do in her heart. Just make sure your doing whats right in Gods eyes. And beware of thoughts that may try to make you justify going against whats right.

 

[RedTent]

Someone told me about the concept of acting as if something you want is so, even when you know it isn't. I can't do it, myself. When someone decides to treat me mean, I can't seem to act as if that isn't so, my actions around them reflect that. I wish I could do it.

If you did this, you would turn a blind eye to the ways she is trying to hurt you, they would just pass you by. You would just treat her as a loving husband, not as someone she has hurt. The people who told me of this says that when we act something out, it brings about what started as just acting.

 

[BeanieD]

Give it as long as it takes. If she decides she wants out just keep praying for her and for your marriage. It is such a hard thing to do when you are hurting, but God always hears the earnest prayer of the broken. God can and will either turn things around or let you know it is time to let go. Let your faith and the light of God always be what she see's.

Praying for you

 

[stranger_in_this_land]

Thanks guys.....I will stick it out.