Depression and suicide

LonelyTeen17 · Aug 11, 2014

Hi everyone. I'm so embarrassed to say this,but I am feeling very hopeless, depressed and suicidal. I'm a struggling addict to pornography and masturbation. PLEASE do not think I am weird, but I just cannot go on fighting this thing and losing! I've been battling this demon for a little over 6+ years starting in 2007-2008 and ever since then I was slipping back and forth between freedom and bondage. Each time I would fall, I would get back up and keep going( praying, spiritual warfare, etc.), but now I can't get back up and I feel as if I have lost the kingdom of God and that the only way out is suicide. I mean, what is the point of fighting against something over and over that you can't beat no matter how hard you try?! I hate myself for what I do/did and all I want is to STOP being a failure and a disappointment!! I am at rock bottom and I would appreciate all those who can pray to pray, all those who can do spiritual warfare to fight, and all those who know how to do all the above and Private Message people to do all the above and PM me( if you want). Much Love, Micah (17 yr. old)

P.S. to all my Christian Sisters:
I am a male, but I want to ask all of you to please forgive me for disrespecting you all through lust and pornography. I am so sorry for that; I just don't know what else to do to fight. Please forgive me...

Star-Lord · Aug 11, 2014

I'm not an expert at all man. I'm just a kid your age. I've been in this exact situation before. I just recently got out of it. Depression can happen to anyone, but it's just the Devil telling you you're not good enough. We all mess up, but when you let that get to you and you have thoughts of suicide, you're letting the Devil into your head. I used to be depressed too. But with God's love, you can overcome this. It may take time, but you have to be fully committed to it. God loves you, and so does everyone here man. You can beat this. Next time you get sad or have a thought like that, just pray. Pull up some Jesus Culture or Hillsong United, and pray.

If you need anything man just PM me. I'll try to check it as soon as possible.

pickles · Aug 11, 2014

Im so sorry you are struggling so much, but please remember, that we cannot overcome anything on our own, that is why Jesus came to us, suffered for our sins.
If we could overcome sin ourselves, than why Jesus's sacrifice?
Jesus came and not only just took our sins for us, but overcame all sin for us, He won this victory, so that we may come to
know and recieive His victory.
You have said that many times you have fallen, but gotten up again,because your hope is in Jesus.
Every one of us struggles against something, it is in Jesus we hold our hope, knowing He will bring us to victory.
You know that suicide is not the answer and even though you feel defeated right now?
Look to Jesus, not at your sin, for it is when we keep our eyes on Him that He shows us the way.

There are others here who struggle with this very difficult addiction, and Im sure once they see your post, they will be willing to share their hope in Jesus and support with you.
Just give them a day or so to read your post.

You are in my daily prayers in Jesus, for all that is His victory, peace and the joy of salvation promised.
Remember, scripture says, He who has begun a good work in you will bring it to compleation.

For He who is perfect, remains faithful, even when we do not.

In Jesus, God bless
pickles

blue_ladybug · Aug 11, 2014

LonelyTeen, I have written 2 threads in the Miscellaneous forum on my battle with depression and suicidal thoughts. I will include the links for you on here. If by some chance, the links dont work when clicked on, my threads are on pages 8 and 9 in the Miscellaneous forum and the titles are: "Depression: A Ladybug's True Story Of Dark vs. Light" and "Suicidal Thoughts and Attempts/Loss of Loved Ones To Suicide".

Alot of people on here are struggling with the same things that you are right now. My pm box is always open so you can message me if you ever want to talk.

Here are the links to my threads:

christianchat.com/miscellaneous/95082-suicidal-thoughts-loss-loved-ones-suicide.html

christianchat.com/miscellaneous/94727-depression-ladybugs-true-story-dark-vs-light.html

Please take some time to go read these. I have had many people who read them pm me and tell me how much my story helped them with their own battles. I believe my stories will help you also.

Rudimental · Aug 11, 2014

Hey Micah, I'm 36 and I still struggle with the same thing as you. .

It's like oh man what have I done.. Why have I done that when I know how much I hate it. Why why why!!!

Give it 2 or 3 days and you start to feel somewhat like a normal human being again. But come the weekend and you have some time alone at home and find yourself back on the PC looking at things you shouldn't be looking at.

In times like this I love to be reminded of Romans 7:15. For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.

You must realize that the flesh is already corrupted. It's fallen.

23 but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.

You must remember Micah, YOU CANNOT LOOSE YOUR SALVATION.

Once you have confessed with your tongue and believe in your heart that Jesus was raised from the dead and lives today. Your eternal salvation is sealed for ever. In the twinkling of an eye, we will be called up to Him to meet Him in the clouds. You will be given a new incorruptible body. You will have a brand new and pure mind. There will be no more sorrow. That means, you wont be looking back in regret. You'll only be looking forward in pure and brilliant awe and happiness at our father in heaven.

Sounds to me like old hairy legs is trying to rob you of your joy that comes through your faith in Christ. He does this by using our own weaknesses. He does this by using things that we want. But are not necessarily good for us.

Sure you will slip up every now and then. NOBODY is perfect! But all that matters is, is that you confess your sin to Him, and He is just and willing to forgive you for your sins. Because He loves you sooo much more than I can even begin to show you.

You are young still. You are a young and bright and young person. You have a very good heart and no doubt have a sense of humor too. Don't let old hairy legs tell you that you are worthless or anything like that. He loves to drop these little things in your ear afterwards. But he has no right to tell you anything.

PS. It is not your sisters in Christ that you need to repent to. They cannot forgive you of your sins any more than a rock in your garden can. It is only God and yourself that you have sinned against. You need His forgiveness. Then you need to forgive yourself.

Then that's it! Leave it. Old hairy legs will try and bring it up again but tell him that God has forgiven you and that there is no reason to repent or feel bad over it anymore because the almighty God has forgiven you already.

What a wonderful and loving God we have. Even loving the most wretched of men that He is willing to lay down His life for. Love has no better friend than this.

Your name is written in the book of life Micah.

I'll see you when we get there.

jer2911 · Aug 11, 2014

Hope you have read my Private Message to you about my nephew. Stay connected and God bless

bluebirdchaser · Aug 11, 2014

I'm praying for you too. I'm sorry I don't have many words. I'll confess I am feeling anxious and depressed too over sin in my life and not knowing what to do. But one thing I do know is that God is mightier than both of our sin. And depression, though it doesn't make you weak to have it, wants to convince us sometimes that nothing will ever get better and there's no hope for us. It lies. In God there is always hope. Even when we're sinners Christ died for us. I'm praying for you.

Rudimental · Aug 11, 2014

Yep. No matter what you do. There is nothing that can separate you from the love that Christ has for us.

Romans 8:38-39 says For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

It doesn't matter what you do. How much you sin. Or what sin that you do. NOTHING can separate us from God.

So don't worry about your sins because one day they will be no more nor will they come to mind.

Isaiah 65:17 For I will create a new heaven and a new earth; the past events will not be remembered or come to mind.

Psalm 103:12 as far as the east is from the west,so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

So don't fret over your sins. Just keep your eyes on Him. He is BIGGER than all of our sins put together!

Don't let old hairy legs try and bring you down because of past sins that have been confessed and forgiven.

He loves to try and do that but because of the work that Christ done for us, we are now more than conquerers and can boldly go to God.

penknight · Aug 11, 2014

It's okay, we understand. I'll definitely pray for you. Don't get the guilt ruin you, the fact that you want to stop is proof that you're a child of God.

LonelyTeen17 · Aug 11, 2014

Thank you everyone! Especially, you Rudimental! I like the way you called the devil "Old Hairy Legs".

KBond · Aug 11, 2014

God can and will deliver you if you don't give up. Praying for you! God bless.

Rudimental · Aug 11, 2014

You're welcome Teen17. It's all a learning curve. God cares for you very much and has a mighty plan for your life.

Did you know that even the hairs on your head are numbered?

Luke 12:7 Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.

Did you know that Gods thoughts for you are more than the grains of sand on all the shores in the world?

Psalm 139: 17-18 How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.

And in case you don't know it, I would like to share with you my favorite poem that has got me through some dark times.

It's called 'Footprints in the Sand'

One night I dreamed a dream.
As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
there was only one set of footprints.

This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
"Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
You'd walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
there was only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."

He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
When you saw only one set of footprints,
It was then that I carried you."

levi85 · Aug 12, 2014

Lord Jesus give him knowledge, wisdom and your strength to overcome his challenges ,Amen

wademach1977 · Aug 12, 2014

My King my Lord My God show this person hope and allow them to see their worth and that Jesus values their life very much. I ask this of you Father to show this person that they are someone you love very much. Please My Lord allow them to see this. I ask this in the name of the Lamb of God who is Jesus Amen.

RickyZ · Aug 12, 2014

Maybe this will help...

Caution. Adult dialoge. Viewer discretion advised.

The first thing I’m going to do when I get to Heaven (ok, the second) is to seek out Adam. What the heck he was thinking, eating that fruit? Remember now - he was created naked, and woman likewise; and they ran around for God knows how long that way. It wasn’t until they ate from the tree that they thought it was odd to be naked and covered up. (Please note that it took both of them. But, one simple rule, just don’t do this, and what does woman do? Initiate something we men then take responsibility for

. But really, Adam, man, talk about blowing’ it in Biblical proportions. If you hadn’t eaten that apple, Maxim could print pictures of women who are actually naked. The human body is God's greatest art form after all.

Oh that human body, that fallen flesh. God made it. All of it. Yeah, everything. Even that. And these. And here, there, and this little spot way under … giggle … All those wonderful nerve endings ... His design. Those organs, hormones and neural pathways, with the sole purpose of making you want to become one with another… His design. Born naked ... His design.

All of which has been totally screwed under satan's authority. That which was so innocent has now become so vile. And our flesh, like a leash, drags us into that villainy. But what can we do, even when it's not being tempted by satan it's still flesh, fallen and opposed to God. The only way to be truly free of it is to be done with it. But that's not a choice we're supposed to make for ourselves.

So the battle is not to try and be rid of the urges (as the Borg say, resistance is futile), but to learn how to manage them. You must have a plan. That includes confessing your failures, and asking forgiveness. When you submit to a demon yanking on your leash, you empower it over you. Confession is the way you rebuke that. In God's mind, salvation forgiveness is a once for lifetime event, and the power of sin has no effect on it. But the power of sin in the here and now is that if you submit to an authority, you're submitted to an authority... until you rebuke it. So bring it before God, confess what you got dirty in (again), and pray the Blood of Christ be poured out upon and within you for the cleansing it brings in both spirit and body. Pray the Holy Spirit be poured out upon you as well, filling your spirit to be stronger against the flesh. Be specific in your prayers. And confront the enemy and his minions who are going to use that flesh of yours. They're going to taunt and tease and do their best to entice you. Heck, they've built a global society around it. Be aware of that, and like the verse paraphrases, if your HBO causes you to sin then cut it off. That or your hand, but I'd try the HBO first

Know how I fought my addiction? I came here. I told myself that when I was tempted, I would come here first, and that if 30 minutes later I was still worked up I'd go ahead. I'm still here. Maybe you could make such a pact.

God bless you for fighting the fight.

Beckster · Aug 12, 2014

LonelyTeen17 said:

I want to truly thank you from the bottom of my heart for being honest and stepping out. That is so hard and terrifying. You are truly a child of God no matter what you do. He loves you and I would be so honored to call you my dearest friend.

Please, please don't consider ending your life as a solution. God gave you this life because He knew you and you alone would be strong enough to live it. You are irreplaceable to Him and to your family and friends.

What you are struggling with, I'm sure you know that you are so very not alone. Addiction cannot be killed over night. It is, unfortunately, a painful, tiresome process. From reading what you posted, I hear your desperation and determination. You have everything you need to fight and beat this demon. God wants more than anything to see you set free. You are not doing this alone. If you have any bestfriends or mentors, ask them to help you by keeping you accountable. When you feel that urge coming, just drop onto your knees, seriously... Fall onto your knees and pray out loud. And then call someone who you can talk to so you aren't left alone.

I had a different addiction: cutting. Everytime I was angry, or depressed, I went for the razor or a piece of glass. When I finally decided to stop, it was beyond hard. I practically screamed out loud from the pain of trying to stop myself from grabbing that sharp object. So then i just started running. I took off and did not stop until my sides hurts. Or i would drop to the floor and do push-ups. Anything that would get me tired and kill the urge. I also cried out loud to God, whether it be in my car or room. I cried and spoke with Him, telling Him that I was hurting but I did not want to cut. I was His daughter and a Princess does not cut.

You are a Prince. Nothing can change that, no matter what sin you commit, you are His. What also helped me a lot was thinking of my future spouse. As soon as I got the urge and I was about to cave in, a thought would sneak in: "Do you think that your future husband would want to see you do this to yourself? Do you think he will like all these scars marring your body?"

If you plan on getting married in the future, think: would my future wife like me doing this? No. She would want you to fight and to not stop fighting. Perhaps this can give you more motivation.
It is going to get harder but the good news is that you can overcome it because Jesus already died on the cross for you. He took all of your sins. All. He was tempted as well so He knows and understands you. On your toughest days when you don't have the strength to fight, He will carry you.

You are not a failure or a disappointment. And nor have you lost His kingdom. I don't know who has filled your head with these lies but they are not of Him. He has you under his wing. You are His and always will be. His love for you never lessens. Don't give up on Him or on yourself. You have come a long way. Like a child runs to their parent, you run to God and never let go. He's got you.

You are a child of God. You have the greatest power in the universe inside you. You can break any addiction and overcome any stronghold.

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Depression and suicide

LonelyTeen17

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Star-Lord

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pickles

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blue_ladybug

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Rudimental

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jer2911

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bluebirdchaser

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Rudimental

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penknight

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LonelyTeen17

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KBond

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Rudimental

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levi85

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wademach1977

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RickyZ

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Beckster

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