Didn't Marry Her Sisters

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Mweaver82

Guest
#1
#1
OK, been married for 3 years now, and things continue to get worse. I have been made to choose between my wife and my parents, which I chose my wife, because biblically I should leave and cleave. She has invited her family into our family's business and most of the time uses them collectively to run the place. I feel not only betrayed, belittled, but also hindered from serving God because I cannot run my own house without ending our marriage. I have unconditionally loved her, and even worked hard to put an occurrence of adultery behind us, and yet she is still like this. Claims to love me and tries apologize when I am ready to leave. I'm on the verge now, and I am not saying anything to her, communication is gone because its basically he'd and the family's way or nothing. I want counselling and she does not, because we can't afford it, I offered to work a second job to pay for it, but she would rather use extra money to pay down debt, of which there is little except her own spending habits. What do I do? Feel like I have turned my back on God and my family.
 
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BarlyGurl

Guest
#2
#2
In Genesis, there is a little verse involving what "fallen man" marriage is going to look like. God says "your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you". God made woman FOR man and because of the fall he specifically says "the appointed order will be GOD, man, wife,.... Women through an assortment of wrong instructions thru culture and society and their own individual rebellious selves have been bucking this order since.... creation.

I empathize with your situation... your home and marriage is disordered and your wife is over-ruling you and putting you in a position below herself and her family. SHe has never "leaved or cleaved".

It seems to me, you forgave her for her adultery and she not only has no appreciation for the forgiveness you gave. That said, you can't "unforgive her" so divorce NOW is not really an option. YOU can however make some CHANGES to the program by stepping up to the position of authority God has ordained for you. WIll she and her family like it... probably not and it isn't going to be fun for a while.... but in so doing you open the door for GOd to move and orchestrate in their lives for you (and himself) while art the same time close the doors the enmey has been afforded thru her rebellion... make sense?

So what I am encouraging you to do is figure out (prayerfully) WHAT needs to be done to restore order to your family in practical ways... and we can discuss those things further if necessary. Then you sit her down and TELL her... these are the changes that I am making to honor GOD in our home... our home will serve the Lord.

There are only 2 possible outcomes for doing so...1) she will leave after a dreadful battle of wills to have her way 2) she will submit to God's conviction and begin to work with you

EITHER of the scenarios will be difficult... but God id FOR YOU when are following his will. Prayer is very important, dig into the word. Be absolutely assured... God does not want his children TORN to serve him, he will change your wife or remove her and set your free.

That said... DO be clear... you can't outwit God so your motives must be pure in your pursuit of righteous living.
 
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Mweaver82

Guest
#3
#3
I have discussed with her that the only way a marriage will work is to put God first before all and your spouse next. It never seems to last long once her family gets involved somehow. I have drawn a line in the sand and saidnwe either seek Christian counsel or its the end. I have been praying and this is the last thing I am led to do. I have loved unconditionally, not saying harsh words until recently, of which I apologized. I am prepared to start the separation process or the healing process. I put the ball in her court, and all I can do now is PRAY. I have consulted a pastor friend to refer some good counselors in my area. So I have prepared the way, and waiting on God to soften her heart or for her rebellion to him.
 
Dan58

Dan58

Senior Member
#4
Nov 13, 2013
1,991
338
83
#4
Mweaver82 said:
. She has invited her family into our family's business and most of the time uses them collectively to run the place. I feel not only betrayed, belittled, but also hindered from serving God because I cannot run my own house without ending our marriage. I have unconditionally loved her, and even worked hard to put an occurrence of adultery behind us, and yet she is still like this. Claims to love me and tries apologize when I am ready to leave. I'm on the verge now, and I am not saying anything to her, communication is gone because its basically he'd and the family's way or nothing. I want counselling and she does not, because we can't afford it, I offered to work a second job to pay for it, but she would rather use extra money to pay down debt, of which there is little except her own spending habits. What do I do? Feel like I have turned my back on God and my family.
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Try to be happy that she has gotten some of her family members to help run the business. Why would that make you feel betrayed or belittled? And why would her help hinder you from serving God? Sounds like 2 separate issues. You say that you can't run your house without ending your marriage? No offense, but that sounds very controlling. If your business is doing good, be satisfied that she and her family are helping you to succeed. You don't need to choose between your wife and your parents, you can have both. You say your wife claims to love you and apologizes when you threaten to leave. It just sounds like your making a mountain out of a mole hill. I don't see where she has done anything to warrant a divorce. jmo
 
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AgeofKnowledge

Guest
#5
#5
I'm probably not the right person to ask. I'd just help you light the fuse. You're better off attending a codependency support group in your area.
 
Olerica

Olerica

Banned
#6
Apr 15, 2014
2,050
38
0
#6
Dan58, I believe that he means that her family is in their PERSONAL business not as in a money-making business. :)
 
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Mweaver82

Guest
#7
#7
For correction, I do mean personal business and financial affairs. The decision was made to purchase a new car for my wife without blessing. I had planned on saving money I had been making on the side to purchase a good used vehicle to avoid the stress of a new car payment. It was decision made between her, her sisters, and her mom. She said she could pay it with her part time job but I have paid all but one payment. They also butt in our personal affairs by telling her that they would do this or that, and wouldn't be biblically sound. For example, instead of talking about decisions that should be our decision, she asks them then asks me, and says well my mom said or my sister said, and that is what she does. I am in no way controlling but when her actions do not have a satisfactory outcome I am always to blame, although I advised otherwise. I try to be practical and base our life on the bible, but it is like she rebels.
 
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