Divorce

[phil-uk]

Ok here we go. Up until a few months ago I was an atheist. I married my wife another atheist 8 years ago in a registry office. I am now a fully committed Christian. We have a young son together and she has 2 older daughters of her own. Basically we have a disastrous marriage where we are only staying together for the sake of my 8yr old son. I refuse to leave because she has threatened me with limited access to my boy. Alot of men would have done a runner by now I'm sure but I'll sacrifice my own happiness for my son's. I'm sure one day when my sons old enough we will most likely separate. will I be sinning by getting a divorce or does it not count seeing as I got married only by law and not by God? And does that also mean I could remarry in a church should I meet someone else later on? I know this is a bit of a mess. Welcome to my world. I'm just glad i've found God who'll help me through the hard times. God bless. Phil

 

[APebbleThrown]

I did the same, i attempted to stay with my boys mother and try to give him a secure family unit but it got worse and worse. Even after our relationship ended i suggested still living together just for the sake of my child. But it turned ugly quite quickly.

Now we were never married, but I still understand why you would want to try and stay together. But honestly my friend, it will create a much worse environment for any kids that are there. They soak negative energy up like a sponge.

As an atheist, the answer for me is a simple one. Leave and leave quickly.

You have to put your child before everything. My son is the happiest he has ever been since me and his mother parted ways.

 

[phil-uk]

It's the threats I can't deal with, she has said she would severely limit me access to my son. You're right though it will no doubt end badly regardless of what I do now. What makes it worse is the relationship I have with him is very close. Probably more so than usual because of the threat hanging over me. Father's rights here in the UK are a joke to be honest.

 

[presidente]

I don't think the getting married outside of a church is an issue at all. So did Adam and Eve. There is no record of anyone getting married at church in scripture.

What you can do is pray and fast and seek God to win your wife. I was reading some statistics about families coming to the Lord. I don't remember the stats, but I think if the man became a Christian, there was something like a 67% chance the family would follow. If a child converted first, it might have been in the 40% range. If the wife converted, it was somewhere around the 20 or 30% range. Those are stats not the promise of God, but it's interesting. There are some former atheists who are Christians. God answering prayer can work wonders on a marriage, so pray diligently.

Also be wise about your son. You might secretly talk to an attorney and see if you can figure out a way to make it more likely for you to be the one to get custody if she decides to leave you.

 

[chestertonrules]

Ok here we go. Up until a few months ago I was an atheist. I married my wife another atheist 8 years ago in a registry office. I am now a fully committed Christian. We have a young son together and she has 2 older daughters of her own. Basically we have a disastrous marriage where we are only staying together for the sake of my 8yr old son. I refuse to leave because she has threatened me with limited access to my boy. Alot of men would have done a runner by now I'm sure but I'll sacrifice my own happiness for my son's. I'm sure one day when my sons old enough we will most likely separate. will I be sinning by getting a divorce or does it not count seeing as I got married only by law and not by God? And does that also mean I could remarry in a church should I meet someone else later on? I know this is a bit of a mess. Welcome to my world. I'm just glad i've found God who'll help me through the hard times. God bless. Phil

The Catholic Church has a detailed process to determine if your original marriage was indeed sacramental, ie. a marriage that was blessed and accepted by God. It is possible that your marriage was invalid from the beginning. Given that you and your wife probably did not understand the sacramental nature of marriage when you made the decision, I think an aunnulment would likely be provided.

 

[4enlightment]

Ok here we go. Up until a few months ago I was an atheist. I married my wife another atheist 8 years ago in a registry office. I am now a fully committed Christian. We have a young son together and she has 2 older daughters of her own. Basically we have a disastrous marriage where we are only staying together for the sake of my 8yr old son. I refuse to leave because she has threatened me with limited access to my boy. Alot of men would have done a runner by now I'm sure but I'll sacrifice my own happiness for my son's. I'm sure one day when my sons old enough we will most likely separate. will I be sinning by getting a divorce or does it not count seeing as I got married only by law and not by God? And does that also mean I could remarry in a church should I meet someone else later on? I know this is a bit of a mess. Welcome to my world. I'm just glad i've found God who'll help me through the hard times. God bless. Phil

1 Corinthians 7:12To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her.

1 Corinthians 7:14For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

1 Corinthians 7 15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.


God want his children never to break an agreement under any conditions; they must fulfill it to the end, but if the other ( The non-believer) break the agreement then it'll be okay. Because they aren't under his household rules, because they haven't agree to followed them. But there's a chance that they might follow Christ as you once were a rebel to His words and became a follower. So just give her a chance as you were given a chance.

 

[Huckleberry]

Ok here we go. Up until a few months ago I was an atheist. I married my wife another atheist 8 years ago in a registry office. I am now a fully committed Christian. We have a young son together and she has 2 older daughters of her own. Basically we have a disastrous marriage where we are only staying together for the sake of my 8yr old son. I refuse to leave because she has threatened me with limited access to my boy. Alot of men would have done a runner by now I'm sure but I'll sacrifice my own happiness for my son's. I'm sure one day when my sons old enough we will most likely separate. will I be sinning by getting a divorce or does it not count seeing as I got married only by law and not by God? And does that also mean I could remarry in a church should I meet someone else later on? I know this is a bit of a mess. Welcome to my world. I'm just glad i've found God who'll help me through the hard times. God bless. Phil

Phil, I recommend that you simply follow the instructions given to married couples in the Book of Ephesians. Love her as Christ loves the church. Be the head of your house in such a wonderful way that might be drawn to follow you in your walk with God. Be the saviour of her body, insomuch as she allows you to. All you can do is try. Don't give up. Choose to stay in love with her. Do every thing you can that might cause her to choose to stay in love with you. Consult your pastor. I don't know what else to tell you. brother. It sounds like a volatile situation, but, Miracles happen. I pray this situation is resolved to the glory of the Lord.

 

[directline2iam]

Proverbs 25:22 In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his ...
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[TD="class: s"]... for you will heap coals of fire on his head, and the LORD will reward you. ... For you
shall heap coals of fire upon his head, and the LORD shall reward you. ...

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[/TABLE]
Romans 12:20 On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him ...
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[TD="class: s"]... Therefore if your enemy hungers, feed him; if he thirsts, give him drink:
for in so doing you shall heap coals of fire on his head. ...

[/TD]
[/TR]
[/TABLE]

In the mean time work up a backup plan to get your own place with 2 beds, one for you and one for your son. And move on with life and be happy and full of piece. And stay in your faith. God always answers in a way that is best for us. Trust Him.

 

[crossnote]

Remember you represent Christ before her...He loved you while you at one time hated Him.

 

[phil36]

Hi Phl,

You've been given some great advice above. You are the faithfulness witness to your wife and son. You know, give it to God it's in his providence he is always in control. My advice Phil is to love your wife like you once did, remember you made a covenant agreement with your wife, which now being in Jesus you understand more.

Don't forget that she will be confused as to your new found freedom in Christ, your new Love. But show her Jesus by how you love her, and how you interact with the family as a whole. After all this and she wants to leave well that's a different story..but let that be a last resort if you can at all help it.


Be praying for you your wife (son and stepdaughters)

Phil

 

[woka]

Hi there Phil, I think Huckleberry hit the nail on the head. The only thing the Lord can hold us accountable is for our own actions. Love her as the Lord tells you to, read up in Ephesians, faith is an action is it not? I know it sounds like a cliche to say that it will all work out to the glory of the Lord, if you are seeking his face through it all.
It is hard very hard to love someone who doesn't want to be loved by you......the rejection, the insults, to many to mention.

I was the lady being loved by the man when I didn't want to be loved, when I had given up, when I could not stand to be in the same room as the man, He loved me, and loved me, and loved me some more. When you think Phil that the Lord Jesus got up on a cross for one reason and one reason only, and that was Love, it gives us an idea of how powerful that is.

My hubby who loved me through it all, has me in a way I did not even think possible, so love does conquer Phil.

I have prayed for you and your wife Phil, please feel free to email me, should you want to talk further.

The Lord Bless you

 

[phil-uk]

Hi there Phil, I think Huckleberry hit the nail on the head. The only thing the Lord can hold us accountable is for our own actions. Love her as the Lord tells you to, read up in Ephesians, faith is an action is it not? I know it sounds like a cliche to say that it will all work out to the glory of the Lord, if you are seeking his face through it all.
It is hard very hard to love someone who doesn't want to be loved by you......the rejection, the insults, to many to mention.

I was the lady being loved by the man when I didn't want to be loved, when I had given up, when I could not stand to be in the same room as the man, He loved me, and loved me, and loved me some more. When you think Phil that the Lord Jesus got up on a cross for one reason and one reason only, and that was Love, it gives us an idea of how powerful that is.

My hubby who loved me through it all, has me in a way I did not even think possible, so love does conquer Phil.

I have prayed for you and your wife Phil, please feel free to email me, should you want to talk further.

The Lord Bless you

Thanks Woka, I really need strength to be able to do this. My wife is an atheist as I said and there is absolutely no chance of her converting she has made that clear to me. If i'm being completely honest my new found faith is a personal secret. As she said to me a long time ago when she saw me reading the bible that if I converted she would show me the door. I just want to be able to live on my own and share my faith happily with people I choose to. Obviously when I met my wife I was also an atheist and quite a strong willed one at that. I've had experiences happen to me lately such as avoiding a car crash (My foot hit the brakes and I hadn't even seen the oncoming car). I also prayed for my cat to return who had been missing for days, he was then sitting on my lap within an hour lol. I've found God now and I don't want obstacles in my way. I want my faith to grow and do good works for the Lord. I'm not giving up on my wife because of this. Things have been very bad pretty much since my son was born. I know I sound like I've given up all hope it's because I have. I don't hate my wife I love her but I am not in love with her. I need to pray and ask God for guidance on this matter. I will go through hell to get to the Lord. Thankyou for your blessings everyone. God bless you all

 

[phil-uk]

I don't think the getting married outside of a church is an issue at all. So did Adam and Eve. There is no record of anyone getting married at church in scripture.

What you can do is pray and fast and seek God to win your wife. I was reading some statistics about families coming to the Lord. I don't remember the stats, but I think if the man became a Christian, there was something like a 67% chance the family would follow. If a child converted first, it might have been in the 40% range. If the wife converted, it was somewhere around the 20 or 30% range. Those are stats not the promise of God, but it's interesting. There are some former atheists who are Christians. God answering prayer can work wonders on a marriage, so pray diligently.

Also be wise about your son. You might secretly talk to an attorney and see if you can figure out a way to make it more likely for you to be the one to get custody if she decides to leave you.

what I mean is I got married literally by law. God wasnt even mentioned in the ceremony

 

[jonathanbchristian]

God excepts marriages outside the church. You are married. We know because the Bible says people were married who did not have a church wedding. Jesus gives the only reason God allowes divorce in Matthew 5, which is sexual sin. The word used in Greek means any sexual sin, best translated by the NIV as sexual immorality. This could be adultery, homosexuality, pornography, or anything sexually immoral. Remarriage is adultery if God does not grant you a divorce because you are still married.

 

[crossnote]

what I mean is I got married literally by law. God wasnt even mentioned in the ceremony

Ultimately God instituted marriage (thru witnesses) whether the State recognizes Him or not.

 

[BananaPie]

First of all, calm down, be brave, and don't fret. Trust God for her conversion as well.

In God's eyes, you are the governor over your wife and children in your household. Consider befriending her all over again, but this time around, love her with the love of Christ in you. Forgive her reprobate mind for as long as peace can be accomplished in the home. Give her rest; use prudence when approaching her, and pretty much, provoke her with kindness into trusting you again.

Intentionally be her blessing; don't give her any motive to curse you, or to curse anyone else. Tell her how sweet and beautiful and special she is to you. Hug her plenty even when she's not expecting kindness from you, you take the lead to love her sweetly, and provoke her to joy rather than to madness.

This is one of those situations which the thoughts of St. Francis of Assisi can be useful, "Preach the gospel at all times, and when necessary, use words."

Try wholeheartedly to win her heart back as a wife, then God's kindness will lead her to repentance as well. Don't give up. It's best to restore her with the love of Christ, than to loose her to divorce court. After all, the Lord Jesus bled and died for her too. The Lord is good.

 

[vic1980]

Ok here we go. Up until a few months ago I was an atheist. I married my wife another atheist 8 years ago in a registry office. I am now a fully committed Christian. We have a young son together and she has 2 older daughters of her own. Basically we have a disastrous marriage where we are only staying together for the sake of my 8yr old son. I refuse to leave because she has threatened me with limited access to my boy. Alot of men would have done a runner by now I'm sure but I'll sacrifice my own happiness for my son's. I'm sure one day when my sons old enough we will most likely separate. will I be sinning by getting a divorce or does it not count seeing as I got married only by law and not by God? And does that also mean I could remarry in a church should I meet someone else later on? I know this is a bit of a mess. Welcome to my world. I'm just glad i've found God who'll help me through the hard times. God bless. Phil

Pray to God to guide you brother phil-uk with him all is possible, I belive he can make her see the light

2 Timothy 2:25 In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;

2 Timothy 2:26 And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.

God bless

 

[danschance]

If I may suggest, be obedient to God and love your wife, as the bible commands us husbands. It might save your marriage and she might also be saved. Buy a copy of the love dare book. It helps by giving you things to do to show her you love her.

 

[APebbleThrown]

It seems this discussion has been more about pleasing god than doing what's actually right for the child.

Im sorry but If your prepared to mentally affect your child for The rest of his life just so you can keep god sweet then you deserve all the misery that this relationship wil bring you.

 

[danschance]

Pleasing God is what is right for that child.