Do you love yourself? Do you even like yourself?

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breno785au

Senior Member
Jul 23, 2013
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#21
Thank you, J-Kay-2. Very beautiful words. You are right, He loves me so much. The changes in my life over the last year have been due to the love I feel for Him. If only I could love myself the way He loves me. I honestly do not feel worthy of the love He gives me. I still struggle with that. Why does He love me so much when I am so, so imperfect?
Do you have any children? If so, theres your answer :)
 

mystdancer50

Senior Member
Feb 26, 2012
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#22
So, I was trying to find some articles online regarding loving self versus being in love with yourself, mainly because I'm too lazy to write it myself. :) The first one I found was worldly and, though it had good advice, I didn't feel it applied. She ended her blog by stating that you'd eventually madly love yourself. Though loving oneself is key to this thread, it is so that you can truly love others, not just so you can love yourself, if that makes sense.

Anyway, so the next one I found was Christian and started out really well (source will be provided at the end of this post):

Love as described in the Bible is quite different from love as espoused by the world. Biblical love is selfless and unconditional, whereas the world's love is characterized by selfishness.
I thought, "Yes. That is helpful." And then, after they listed some Scriptures, I read this paragraph:

The statement "love your neighbor as yourself" is not a command to love yourself. It is natural and normal to love yourself. The fact that the vast majority of people in the world care for their own needs is testament to the fact that love for self is not lacking. The statement "love your neighbor as yourself" is essentially saying treat other people as well as you treat yourself. The idea of loving yourself as a command of Scripture is not accurate. The Bible presumes that people already love themselves too much—that is our problem. We are to take our eyes off ourselves and care for others. At the same time, self-hate is equally unbiblical. The Bible nowhere instructs us to hate ourselves.
"It is natural and normal to love yourself." Is it? I daresay, though it is normal for us to love ourselves, I wouldn't say it was natural in the sense that we just do it, especially as Christians. I think this is part of our problem. Let me explain...if I can.

As Christians, we are called to become like Christ, to be holy as He is holy, and to look for the leaven of sin in our lives daily and, by power of Holy Spirit, purge and remove and deal with sin in our lives. In so doing, we see, as Paul did, that we are wretched sinners in the presence of a holy and just God. So it is that loving oneself doesn't come as naturally as one would like.

When one can ignore sin and failure, it is easy to love yourself and even be in love with yourself, but as we draw closer to Christ in our walk with Him, we develop humility and we see the truth in His word, the light of which shines into our darkness deep within and shows us the mess inside. Lovingly, tenderly, He begins to deal with sin and we respond. Sometimes it's painful, sometimes not, but always refreshing when the chains are broken and we're free to lift our hands, stomp our feet, and dance in the presence of the Lord.

The paragraph goes on to say that it isn't a command to love yourself and returns us to the point discussed earlier in this thread of one loving him/herself too much. This is definitely going on, though I think it is rarer among true Christians than it is elsewhere. Why? Because how can you truly love who you are when you see the horridness within?

At least, that's my struggle.

So, in order for me to know what love is, I must go to the source: God. As I commune with Jesus and know Him, as I draw deeper into Him and leave the mentalities of this world behind, I can see that all the good and beauty within me come from Him. That's a reason to celebrate. Considering that He loves me, and loved me even when I was rejecting Him, should help me to love myself with His kind of love and should, therefore, lead me to be able to love others with His level of amazing love.

Considering the love chapter in the Bible, it is something that can make us feel more miserable and dark and lessen our ability to love ourselves so that we may love others. I think I may do a study on this in a very deep level soon, as this love your neighbor as yourself is really hitting home with me.

Thanks for listening. :)

Source: What does the Bible say about self-love, loving self?
 
Oct 31, 2011
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#23
I learned to love myself. It took many years to find a "me" to love, and it is a blessing to me.

I lived apart from my mother until I was almost six, and when I went to live with her she told me I would need to change. It took her awhile to convince me, but she finally did, but she was never satisfied with anything of me. No matter how I tried, I couldn't change enough to please her. By the time I reached high school age, I couldn't even stand straight but slumped through life trying to hide. It was terrible. It went on for years.

Finally, God got through to me. I belonged to God, God created me. My parents had no right to say what God created was wrong. I had no right to do that, either. What God asked of me in regard to my parents didn't include following their ways of being, but God's ways. I took a backpack trip all alone in such back country I could shout out my freedom to just be. I told my parents so, even if they couldn't hear me. I fell in love with myself as God's child.
 
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biscuit

Guest
#24
So, we are called as followers of Christ and true believers in the Bible as the infallible word of God, holy and alive and sharper than any two-edged sword, to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and to love our neighbor as ourselves. So that brings to mind the question: do you love yourself?

There are times when I really and truly dislike myself. I wouldn't go so far as to say that I hate myself, for if that were true, I would be a horrible self-abusive person, who would deprive myself of food and water and air and light and fellowship and entertainment and so on and so forth. Sometimes, though, my words and thoughts can be extremely self-abusive, to the point that I wonder if I truly love myself or if I just tolerate me because I'm stuck with me. You know?

If we are to love our neighbors as our ourselves, we must then treat them as we treat ourselves. But, what if we are abusive to ourselves? What if our concept of love is so marred when it comes to our own failings and weaknesses and flaws that when we 'love' others, we appear to be cold and cruel and hateful to them, simply because this is how we treat ourselves?

I am very rigid and self-condemning and very, very firm with myself. I think that if I give myself leniency on any gray area, I am doomed to fall face first into sins that I have either never dared touch or have been long since delivered from and set free. So it is that when someone excuses sin in their own lives, or claims there's a gray area to morality, it irks me. This isn't because I don't love them as I love myself, but rather because I am loving them in the way that I represent love to myself: firm, harsh, and demanding. That isn't love, though. The Bible defines love clearly for us in the 'love is...' verses.

What do you all think? Is this making sense? Do any of you struggle with this? It is a matter of appearing cold and unloving when in truth you are loving your neighbor as you love yourself...you just don't really love yourself the way that Christ loves you. So, therein lies the area that must be cleansed and changed.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me, that I may sit at Your feet and learn what love is, learn what it means to love myself as You love me, so that I may love others, too.
IMHO, I believe most Christians are not saved and filled with the Holy Ghost and Satan is feasting on them. If one is truly saved and filled with the Holy Ghost, he or she is a new creature in Christ (2Corinthians 5:16). When one is saved it is 'difficult' to go back to those evil, sinful ways. Yes, we all have lapses & relapses, but we can repent those sinful, evil ways and ask for forgiveness & strength. The Comforter is a "powerful tool" that the Lord has given us to manage our lives in His name. I just think most Christians are not saved ... but lukewarm. Truly saved Christian are likely to love themselves & neighbors than lukewarm/unsaved Christian. IMHO, a lukewarm, saved Christian is not really saved. How can a Christian tell if he or she is saved? He or she find it extremely difficult or repulsive to go back to the old sinful ways. I believe the love we have for ourselves & neighbors is embedded in our love for Christ. Yes I love myself and my brethens & sister in Christ. I love you all.
 
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J-Kay-2

Guest
#25
Thank you, J-Kay-2. Very beautiful words. You are right, He loves me so much. The changes in my life over the last year have been due to the love I feel for Him. If only I could love myself the way He loves me. I honestly do not feel worthy of the love He gives me. I still struggle with that. Why does He love me so much when I am so, so imperfect?
Because He is LOVE. Only He is perfect. We strive to please Him as we would our
earthly father. But.... we don't have to do that Toska. We simply reach out and take
His Love by faith. You are the apple of His eye. Beautiful and wise. Sharing the LOVE
He has given His life for. Your serving Him in your occupation and a wise counselor.
You are loved.
 

breno785au

Senior Member
Jul 23, 2013
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#26
IMHO, I believe most Christians are not saved and filled with the Holy Ghost and Satan is feasting on them. If one is truly saved and filled with the Holy Ghost, he or she is a new creature in Christ (2Corinthians 5:16). When one is saved it is 'difficult' to go back to those evil, sinful ways. Yes, we all have lapses & relapses, but we can repent those sinful, evil ways and ask for forgiveness & strength. The Comforter is a "powerful tool" that the Lord has given us to manage our lives in His name. I just think most Christians are not saved ... but lukewarm. Truly saved Christian are likely to love themselves & neighbors than lukewarm/unsaved Christian. IMHO, a lukewarm, saved Christian is not really saved. How can a Christian tell if he or she is saved? He or she find it extremely difficult or repulsive to go back to the old sinful ways. I believe the love we have for ourselves & neighbors is embedded in our love for Christ. Yes I love myself and my brethens & sister in Christ. I love you all.
It must be a horrible thing walking around believing most of your brothers and sisters are not saved. I really can't understand how a person can continue walking with God with that on their mind.
 

Toska

Senior Member
Nov 16, 2013
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#27
Because He is LOVE. Only He is perfect. We strive to please Him as we would our
earthly father. But.... we don't have to do that Toska. We simply reach out and take
His Love by faith. You are the apple of His eye. Beautiful and wise. Sharing the LOVE
He has given His life for. Your serving Him in your occupation and a wise counselor.
You are loved.
You are so right, I do love Him with all my heart. His love in return is the most incredible gift I can ever imagine. We are so blessed to have such a loving God.
 
J

J-Kay-2

Guest
#28
"Love" thy neighbor as thyself. Do we know how to love our friends
and enemies as we do ourselves? I was thinking earlier how "LOVE"
can be narcissistic. Do you know anyone like that ? Does that person
love our Lord in same manner? I don't think it is possible, do you?
Also I was thinking how many people confuse 'love' and 'lust'. Or
how easily we use the word 'love.'

That being said, wouldn't it be wrong to say, 'oh, I love that song?'
If God is LOVE, are we not using it two ways ? Is it wrong?

I also was thinking of how we do see God as our earthly father and
how difficult it is for many to relate to God. I know those who had
no father figure in their home find God is distant. They feel like He
could not really care for them, so they with hold their emotions from
Him. Men seem to find it more difficult, but women who have been
abused by father, also can find it difficult to relate to Him as a loving
Father.

May we remember those who have issues that need to be healed of
wounds and let the walls come down. Our Lord is our Creator. He
made us and we are like the clay on the potters wheel. And the
Word says, " how can we say to our maker (God the potter ) I don't
like the way I am made ?

One nice thing is, if we feel that way, and who hasn't, He is forgiving
and will help us be all He desires us to be. Bless His Holy name. ~J~K~2
 

mystdancer50

Senior Member
Feb 26, 2012
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#29
A few years ago, I had the misuse/casual use of the word love brought to clarity to me. So, I try to say, "I really like pizza" or "I really enjoy this movie". Every once in awhile, though, I find myself using 'love' again casually, but I am always aware and it doesn't slip my notice. The same thing with 'awesome' and 'amazing', etc.
 
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J-Kay-2

Guest
#30
A few years ago, I had the misuse/casual use of the word love brought to clarity to me. So, I try to say, "I really like pizza" or "I really enjoy this movie". Every once in awhile, though, I find myself using 'love' again casually, but I am always aware and it doesn't slip my notice. The same thing with 'awesome' and 'amazing', etc.

I stand guilty also. It is so easy to say 'I love'.... and your opening this thread
and reading the topics.... made me think of LOVE. Maybe we can really recall
this question before we use it . So easy to slip up. ~ God bless and good night~ J~K~2
 

Toska

Senior Member
Nov 16, 2013
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#31
Do you have any children? If so, theres your answer :)
Unfortunately I was never blessed with children of my own:(.

But, I am a teacher and there are over 100 kids that I teach each day that need love. Plus, nieces, nephews, and a very special little boy at church.
 
B

biscuit

Guest
#32
It must be a horrible thing walking around believing most of your brothers and sisters are not saved. I really can't understand how a person can continue walking with God with that on their mind.
It is a reality of life. Why are so many Christian churches closing their doors, or changing them into a nightclub environmement just to keep them open to survive? Many Christians leave the faith because they feel Jesus abandoned them in their time of needs. Well, if one is a so-called Christian and isn't saved, they don't have a relationship with the Lord. Sometimes, Jesus will put many Christians to the test, trials & tribulations to see if they are worthy of His love and the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost doesn't not come "automatically" by being a Christian, it is EARNED. I hear time after time from Christians complaining how nothing is working for them and their life is turned upside down. It is only then they want Jesus to bail them out and too often it doesn't happen. Jesus knows our hearts and knows if our life with Him is legit. He will not be mocked. I tried to warn my former friends about their behavior and to no avail, they continued their sinful evil ways even though many claimed to be Christians. I had to bid them goodbye and without regrets. As tough as these last 6 years have been to many Americans, mainly because of the recession of 2008, these last 6 years have been the best 6 years of my life. And I contribute all of it to Jesus.
 
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J-Kay-2

Guest
#33
Hi Biscuit... I enjoy some of what you posted, but it caught my eye when
you speak of 'earning' Gods love, or our trials are His testings to see how
we will react. I know I have paraphrased, sorry if I have misunderstood.

I am your friend, and appreciate your thoughts on many issues. But....
I personally feel we can't 'earn' Gods love. We don't have to think of Him
like our earthly father. Now that is the one we had to work to earn love.
Not so with God. He is LOVE and you already know we are going to be
the best we can be because He is our Father and we love Him. Jesus
covered us with His Blood and it is by Gods Grace He did that.

I do not believe in Churches doing what they are doing to get people in
either. So we agree on that point. The other issue is we can't say God
puts us through tests and trials to see how we are going feel toward Him.
Maybe I misunderstood, and if I did please forgive me and let me know.

I know tests and trials are a part of life because we live in an imperfect
world. And as Christians even, we have flaws. I would not dare say I
am perfect and am not flawed, because I am.

You have pulled yourself away from friends, for what reason ? Because
they aren't Christian ? Or because they don't walk the Christian walk as
you do ? That part confused me.

I hope you accept this as a conversation. No argument. I would ask
you this if you were in my home having a cup of tea or coffee with me.
God bless you ~ J~K~2


 
J

J-Kay-2

Guest
#34
Unfortunately I was never blessed with children of my own:(.

But, I am a teacher and there are over 100 kids that I teach each day that need love. Plus, nieces, nephews, and a very special little boy at church.
Toska, in the OT the Lord speaks of the Women of God who will be a Mother to many.
I know as painful it must be to want to be a Mother, you are blessed. You see, you have
many children and you make an impact on their lives, their parents maybe can't. Often
times it is hard to even love our own natural child and deal with their rebellious ways.
You on the other hand, have a way of reaching your 'children' and they will listen to you
where most will tune the parent out.
I know that is not making the heartache go away on days you yearn for a child of your
own. But, I believe in the final day the Lord shows you what great love and wisdom
you allowed Him to flow through, you will have a great reward.
I love you and I know a little 6 yr old buddy of yours.... loves you this----------much. (( HUGS))
 

mystdancer50

Senior Member
Feb 26, 2012
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#35
I was singing along with the Whitney Houston Song, "The Greatest Love of All" and I realized just how horribly wrong the message of that song is. It starts out okay but then it says:

Everybody's searching for a hero
People need someone to look up to
I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs
A lonely place to be
And so I learned to depend on me
Instead of offering what she was seeking in others, sowing and reaping, she takes on the attitude that most of us do, that we can't count on anyone and that we can only trust in and rely on ourselves.

The song goes on to say:

Because the greatest love of all is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all inside of me
The greatest love of all is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all
This 'love yourself' isn't the kind that the Bible speaks of, or that I was speaking of, because, as you see, this love isn't turned out to anyone else. This song just specifically states that she can't depend on anyone and, essentially, she finds no love anywhere, except within herself, and so she loves herself, and that's where it stops.

Isn't it interesting the songs we sing without even thinking? This was my sixth grade teachers absolute favorite song.
 

mystdancer50

Senior Member
Feb 26, 2012
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#36
A thread bump...but not really. :) Today, this topic was touched upon in church and I thought, "I know I looked into this awhile back...but where?" I searched my blogs...nothing! Then I thought, Hmmm, I think it was here. And it was!

Galatians 5:13-15 says, "For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. For the whole Law is fulfilled in one word, in the statement, "YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF." But if you bite and devour one another, take care that you are not consumed by one another."

Refocusing on what matters: love. :)
 
S

sassylady

Guest
#37
I can honestly say I like the person I have become through the Lord's work in my life. He is all I have and I have had to totally rely on Him just to get through each day, pay bills, etc. I would not be who I am if I had not been through the things I have with Him.

Due to stress and disappointment in my life, I hate my body. I'm not obese but could lose 40-50 lbs. I feel totally undesirable and unattractive. Then I had to take high blood pressure medicine and my hair started getting so thin I had to start wearing a wig. I know I could be a good companion for somebody but don't feel like I would ever attract one.