After he retired, my dad used to tell people he recently got out of prison. He was a prison guard, haha. He was at a bank and told a woman working there, said the whole time she was helping him she had this scared look on her face, and kept eyeballing him, haha.
Course he's the same guy that used to embarrass my mom. They'd get on an elevator and forget to push the button. Someone would say something to him, and in the thickest hillbilly accent he could muster he would say really loud to a full elevator 'i'm sorry, we're from Kentucky and we aint never been on an elevator before'. =P