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I was in church and I love to pray there because the body of Christ is there and where two or more are gathered in His name He will be there. You can just feel God's presence there and so it is a good time to pray about stuff. Esp. stuff I have dealt with. But today God was flustering me on some old odd issues. He once told me if I was a man He'd give me more. And then proceeds to point out to me I'm a woman. Ever been in an odd conversation with God before. I try to dismiss this as I"m uncomfortable. Under no way do I feel like a man but then I don't think much of myself as a woman either. I always liked to hunt and fish. Like country things. I don't like to shop for clothes or make up. Or dazzle up my hair. I don't like to scream over silly things and spend time on the phone. So I never really felt like a typical woman either. I didn't think of myself as sexless. I don't think I'm butch in any form. But God has proceeded to call my womanlyness to my attention. I tried to shoo the conversation but God being God can't be swayed. And wow some of the images He'd pass me of this godly women were amazing. Well in church he was saying I'm beautiful and I'm like no I'm not and pushing subject aside. I"m a large woman and my walk isn't all that strong yet I've been struggling for a long time. But God pushed it. I would say so I'm beautiful but I bet you don't tell the christian men that they are handsome. Sort of just a women need to be pretty thing. Well leaving church I was still trying to brush the idea away and it hit me. God was calling me a beautiful woman of God. With godly woman beauty. And um I balled like a baby Yeah my eyes are all red and puffy. I'm not like yeah I'm beautiful that is something I always wanted, though I don't want to be ugly , God has never let me feel ugly on the inside. Sometimes I look in the mirror and like dang I'm fat but I don't feel it in my spirit. But the beauty God showed me wasn't about look factor though He can fix that in my new body when I go to heaven. I was over my godly character that He was forming in me on the inside. Balling. Here I worry and struggle cause I want to get up and even in my struggles whether I am up or not my God thinks I'm beautiful.
Well I often consider us christian the teary eyed bunch. Homesick, happy tears, tears of relief, tears of pain , and you name it . Darn here are some more heart tears.
Well I often consider us christian the teary eyed bunch. Homesick, happy tears, tears of relief, tears of pain , and you name it . Darn here are some more heart tears.