J
Does Your Life Match Up?
Like...at all? I think it is safe to say mine doesn't.
The more I hear and learn the less likely salvation seems to be. I once had a saying that said "Jesus lived the life I can't on my behalf." Which has a certain level of truth to it in my opinion but there is more to it than that. Another saying I used to use was "I'm not who I need to be, but praise God, I'm not who I was." That sentiment used to be 'good enough.' I am a "work in progress"---being sanctified(I hope). There are changes in me, big ones. I am different. But it isn't enough.
After a lot of searching and reading I just see more and more the dire warnings all over that go something like this: "IF you do ____ then you will be cast into hell" and belief(trust) in Christ seems to have little or no effect on the outcome. I suppose the idea is that if you are truly Christ's you wont do those things for long(or ever? :-/ ).
I go through 1 John and I can see SOME of those things in my life but I know as believers we are supposed to see all of those things being wrought in us. Do I love Christ? I can never bring myself to confidently say so because I don't want to start to believe it if it isn't true, to avoid further deceiving myself. Is it possible that when I think of Him I sometimes well up with tears of longing and sometimes joy that I secretly(unbeknownst to myself) really truly love Him? If I do, why is my life so far from the examples set in the bible?
There are those that blow the trumpet all over the internet and chant "FEW WILL BE SAVED! FEW! FEW! " Like it is their mission to strike unquenchable terror in the hearts of any and everyone. And maybe it is. Well, it is working.
I desire to do good. To be different. Better. More faithful. More loving. Less sinful. Yet when the words "obey" or "repent" are spoken it is like a punch in the gut. I compare it to someone strapping me in a chair with a gun to my head and telling me if I don't get free and stand up, that trigger is going to pull. Do not misunderstand this as me saying God is not fair or just or anything of the sort, I am simply feeling incapable to do what He asks of me and the only end result will be hellfire. What can I do? How can I escape?
Do I need the Holy Spirit baptism? Do I need to be baptised(I know I do, but is that THE reason I am this way?)? Do I need to sell all I have and move to Liberia and die in the jungle? Do I need to settle into a dead church somewhere? Do I need to just relax and trust that the LORD can and will save me one day? Do I need to believe I am saved in order to be saved? No man can really tell me unfortunately...it is all guess work at this point.
Forgive my random word vomit...I just don't know what to do. I understand I may get a number of opposing responses here, some harsh and convicting, some which lean towards their denominational beliefs, some which are totally out of left field and deceiving, but I do hope one of them will be the real truth and I am able to see it.
Does your life match up? If so, HOW? If not, HOW are you able to function in life?
_____________________________________________________
Like...at all? I think it is safe to say mine doesn't.
The more I hear and learn the less likely salvation seems to be. I once had a saying that said "Jesus lived the life I can't on my behalf." Which has a certain level of truth to it in my opinion but there is more to it than that. Another saying I used to use was "I'm not who I need to be, but praise God, I'm not who I was." That sentiment used to be 'good enough.' I am a "work in progress"---being sanctified(I hope). There are changes in me, big ones. I am different. But it isn't enough.
After a lot of searching and reading I just see more and more the dire warnings all over that go something like this: "IF you do ____ then you will be cast into hell" and belief(trust) in Christ seems to have little or no effect on the outcome. I suppose the idea is that if you are truly Christ's you wont do those things for long(or ever? :-/ ).
I go through 1 John and I can see SOME of those things in my life but I know as believers we are supposed to see all of those things being wrought in us. Do I love Christ? I can never bring myself to confidently say so because I don't want to start to believe it if it isn't true, to avoid further deceiving myself. Is it possible that when I think of Him I sometimes well up with tears of longing and sometimes joy that I secretly(unbeknownst to myself) really truly love Him? If I do, why is my life so far from the examples set in the bible?
There are those that blow the trumpet all over the internet and chant "FEW WILL BE SAVED! FEW! FEW! " Like it is their mission to strike unquenchable terror in the hearts of any and everyone. And maybe it is. Well, it is working.
I desire to do good. To be different. Better. More faithful. More loving. Less sinful. Yet when the words "obey" or "repent" are spoken it is like a punch in the gut. I compare it to someone strapping me in a chair with a gun to my head and telling me if I don't get free and stand up, that trigger is going to pull. Do not misunderstand this as me saying God is not fair or just or anything of the sort, I am simply feeling incapable to do what He asks of me and the only end result will be hellfire. What can I do? How can I escape?
Do I need the Holy Spirit baptism? Do I need to be baptised(I know I do, but is that THE reason I am this way?)? Do I need to sell all I have and move to Liberia and die in the jungle? Do I need to settle into a dead church somewhere? Do I need to just relax and trust that the LORD can and will save me one day? Do I need to believe I am saved in order to be saved? No man can really tell me unfortunately...it is all guess work at this point.
Forgive my random word vomit...I just don't know what to do. I understand I may get a number of opposing responses here, some harsh and convicting, some which lean towards their denominational beliefs, some which are totally out of left field and deceiving, but I do hope one of them will be the real truth and I am able to see it.
Does your life match up? If so, HOW? If not, HOW are you able to function in life?
_____________________________________________________
