K
At 9 years old I became a christian. Dancing and having the Holy Ghost. the Spirit of God was all over me. Then as i was about 12 the devil came in and ripped me right out of church. Drinking and drugs became a big part of my life until it finally was all my life was about. Addiction really is a demon from the pit of hell. I was with this guy who really controlled everything even my thoughts. I felt for a very long time I was trapped with no way out. I walked away from God and his name was no longer a part of me. I was so far out. I ran fast and hard for a long time. I finally walked away from the man that had so much control of me. I had enough of drugs, so on my own i tried to quit. It seemed i would do good for a while and then i would relapse. few years later i met another man who i thought would be a great man. he was so nice so loving. one day he decided to walk off and leave me for another woman. I cried and begged for him to stay i knew in my heart what was going on. my heart was torn right out of me. I thought about killing my self for a long time anyway, i just didn't act on it. my heart hurt so bad and it was so hard to breathe. i felt more alone than i ever felt in my life. suicide thoughts ran more in my mind, this time i wanted to act on it. so i ran into a few friends and we decided to trip on cough medicine. for a week we were out of our minds on the medicine. it was on memorial day weekend me and my friends were just walking around town. i decided to stop i felt something was very wrong. i turned around and walked the opposite direction of my friends. it was dark and i felt so much pain inside so empty so lost. i felt my soul was leaving my body. i ran into a yard where people were playing horse shoes. dropping to my knees i looked up and started to pray, begging for God to change me and forgive me. this man that knew me took me to his house i called my mom. ate a sandwich, and had some milk. i remember something pulling me out of the door. i started screaming Jesus is coming. i then turned around and i knew Jesus done left me standing all alone. Fear, confusion, pain, sadness and so many emotions ran through me that night. i remember they took me to the suicide floor of the hospital. all i could do was lay and beg for God to give me a chance, just one more chance not to leave me. i don't know how long i was there but i knew that they were gonna come and get me and throw me into hell. for months i went through this i knew i wasn't tripping because i hadn't done the medicine in a few days. God allowed me to experience what people will feel the day he parts the sky and takes his children home. if i didn't change that's what i was gonna feel with everyone else who wont accept Jesus into their heart and repent. God reached me with what he knew would get me to listen. the experience was very life changing. i felt every emotion except hope and love. i wish i could tell you this testimony in the words that you could close your eyes and imagine that day so if you are a sinner you would know that i beg you PLEASE DON'T RUN FROM GOD. there is nothing in this life worth feeling the feeling of God leaving you behind.
I know that feeling you spoke of. I felt in a dream about the end of the world. Everyone was crowding up to see the False prophet like he was some kind of rock star. I was stuck feeling that hopelessness you testified about and crying.