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Hello folks, I have a nice little topic that can have some monumental effects sometimes, in my experience. All of us have, or have had friends in our lifetime. Maybe not as many have had friends with a mutual caring for each other, or a relationship where that caring feeling comes into play often. I wanted to bring up a couple issues that can prevent the development of this mutual kind of caring relationship. It comes down to if we in ourselves, are truly empathetic to that person's needs, or practice a prescribed empathy.
I'm going to start with the first kind of ''practice'' that will usually damage more than it helps. Simply put, it can be described as talking out of turn. To expound, talking to make sure OUR point is heard, because everything WE say is important. To borrow some terminology from a dear brother, ''shake n' bake Christianity'' falls under this category. When someone comes to us describing an issue, as Christians we often forget to separate ''boiling off'' from seeking advice. Regardless of the situation, we are quick to throw cliche' sayings, and shallow preprepared advice like dodgeballs. The truth in the sayings isn't in question, the TIMING of which, and the placement are the negative components. We can't be so quick to need to make a point that we forget WHO we even want to make the point for in the first place. We are all guilty of this at some point, and in some fashion. A person in a delicate situation needs to be treated delicately. We can't take a souffle through a stadium, so not everybody in a group needs to shed their opinion on what someone should do, and sometimes no one should. Sometimes we just need to listen to feel them out, which brings me to the next destructive ''practice''.
Empathy is often practiced, but rarely out of love. The nearest thing I can hypothesize that seems to nudge our brand of empathy, is obligation. We are SUPPOSED to be empathetic to people, DUUUUUH! Yes, indeed we should be, but why? (a question a believer should always ask before we do anything) That isn't a why for God, but a why directed at ourselves. My favorite chapter is 1 Cor 13, because it makes you feel good, as much as it can chastise. Are we motivated to empathize with an individual because we care for THEM, or are we motivated because if we don't, it would be wrong? So here's where the mistake comes, this one, potentially more damaging than the other. We let people know," it's okay, talk it out. I'm here for you". They will take us up on this offer, and even invest a lot of time coming to us. At some point, they will begin to trust us, begin to want to know us. For some reason, this catches us off guard. So we feel like they are ''buddies'' now. Except to them, they'll eventually come to realize there's a disparaging difference in how much you know about each other. We know 5, 6, 7 months worth about them, and they might know that we go to the store on weekends, and what our favorite TV show is. This becomes a slow, anxious struggle for that person as they come to realize that the trust, and thus the friendship/relationship, is one sided. This can be heartbreaking. Someone that has thought that every laugh you had was genuine, now questions those and other experiences. The anxiety of non-information creeps in. It completely collapses the relationship, due to imbalance. How do we avoid this one? It's not as self explanatory as the first problem (shut up). So what to do? What to do? When we run into that, we should typify our relationships on Earth, as that with our heavenly father. A large difference being, that people don't know everything about us. I kind of like to put it into my mind this way: When we don't lie, does that mean we only tell parts of the truth but leave some out? '' Technically I didn't lie, because I didn't say the opposite.'' Noooooooooooooooooo. When we don't tell the whole truth, it's still deception isn't it? When we don't share with people we are comfortable sharing with, it's deception just the same. A mixture of self deception has to make us think we're okay, we don't need to say anymore, then a dose of '' Look over there!It's shiny! '' for the other person.
We can't start something we can't finish with people. We need to be forthwith with the truth. Not telling can lead someone astray just as easily as telling wrongly. If you're friends, be a friend. If you aren't, let THEM know that. Ripping off a bandage stings, but unless you change it, the wound will fester.
I am Tandemtruths, and I approve this message
I'm going to start with the first kind of ''practice'' that will usually damage more than it helps. Simply put, it can be described as talking out of turn. To expound, talking to make sure OUR point is heard, because everything WE say is important. To borrow some terminology from a dear brother, ''shake n' bake Christianity'' falls under this category. When someone comes to us describing an issue, as Christians we often forget to separate ''boiling off'' from seeking advice. Regardless of the situation, we are quick to throw cliche' sayings, and shallow preprepared advice like dodgeballs. The truth in the sayings isn't in question, the TIMING of which, and the placement are the negative components. We can't be so quick to need to make a point that we forget WHO we even want to make the point for in the first place. We are all guilty of this at some point, and in some fashion. A person in a delicate situation needs to be treated delicately. We can't take a souffle through a stadium, so not everybody in a group needs to shed their opinion on what someone should do, and sometimes no one should. Sometimes we just need to listen to feel them out, which brings me to the next destructive ''practice''.
Empathy is often practiced, but rarely out of love. The nearest thing I can hypothesize that seems to nudge our brand of empathy, is obligation. We are SUPPOSED to be empathetic to people, DUUUUUH! Yes, indeed we should be, but why? (a question a believer should always ask before we do anything) That isn't a why for God, but a why directed at ourselves. My favorite chapter is 1 Cor 13, because it makes you feel good, as much as it can chastise. Are we motivated to empathize with an individual because we care for THEM, or are we motivated because if we don't, it would be wrong? So here's where the mistake comes, this one, potentially more damaging than the other. We let people know," it's okay, talk it out. I'm here for you". They will take us up on this offer, and even invest a lot of time coming to us. At some point, they will begin to trust us, begin to want to know us. For some reason, this catches us off guard. So we feel like they are ''buddies'' now. Except to them, they'll eventually come to realize there's a disparaging difference in how much you know about each other. We know 5, 6, 7 months worth about them, and they might know that we go to the store on weekends, and what our favorite TV show is. This becomes a slow, anxious struggle for that person as they come to realize that the trust, and thus the friendship/relationship, is one sided. This can be heartbreaking. Someone that has thought that every laugh you had was genuine, now questions those and other experiences. The anxiety of non-information creeps in. It completely collapses the relationship, due to imbalance. How do we avoid this one? It's not as self explanatory as the first problem (shut up). So what to do? What to do? When we run into that, we should typify our relationships on Earth, as that with our heavenly father. A large difference being, that people don't know everything about us. I kind of like to put it into my mind this way: When we don't lie, does that mean we only tell parts of the truth but leave some out? '' Technically I didn't lie, because I didn't say the opposite.'' Noooooooooooooooooo. When we don't tell the whole truth, it's still deception isn't it? When we don't share with people we are comfortable sharing with, it's deception just the same. A mixture of self deception has to make us think we're okay, we don't need to say anymore, then a dose of '' Look over there!It's shiny! '' for the other person.
We can't start something we can't finish with people. We need to be forthwith with the truth. Not telling can lead someone astray just as easily as telling wrongly. If you're friends, be a friend. If you aren't, let THEM know that. Ripping off a bandage stings, but unless you change it, the wound will fester.
I am Tandemtruths, and I approve this message
