Encouragement and word needed

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Cahlah

Guest
#1
#1
My husband and I have been attending a church together. We have been married for 7 years he is 13year older than I and we have a blended family of 12 children. We have been separated for nearly two years, but have been trying to reconcile. I stayed in the church home with our two children 4 & 5 and my daughter, he moved away with his two daughters and son. At the beginning of the year he started bible study with our men's group which was a blessing but recently division crept in our church and it split due to doctrinal differences and my husband wanted to leave with the people who caused the division. I chose to stay but he was undecided as the leader of his men's group said hehad to make a choice. He chose to stay with me and our kids, but he was not happy with his decision and kept picking out things that were wrong or making comments like he was betraying the others who left. I guess what I am trying to say is I don't know what to do. He is now out of the house again and will not contact me unless i contact him. When he does this he wont even call our children, our daughter and son were so happy because he told them he was going to move back with us but he changes his moods frequently. Through it all I have prayed andsought God and will continue to do so but at wits end.
 
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kenisyes

Guest
#2
#2
I'd like to know more about the doctrinal differences. The simplest, and probably the most Godly, is for your husband to follow his doctrinal preference and for you to follow him. But I can think of reasons that might be impossible and not be God's will at all, especially with your various ages. One of my concerns is that you use the phrase "with the people who caused them", as this may be a statement about your perception of lack of love, rather than mere doctrinal disagreement. In God's ideal plan, which you might be able to help achieve, you and your husband may actually have a call to higher level of ministry than either of you suspect, and this could be just the enemy trying to hold that back.
 
yac11

yac11

Senior Member
#3
Mar 24, 2013
580
19
18
#3
I will pray for you.

Father,

I ask that you give cahlah wisdom in her marriage regarding the circumstances which are dividing her and her spouse. I ask that you make it abundantly clear as to whether her husband is a man of God or if the reasons for prior separations where due to perhaps sin on either part. I ask that when she makes her choices that affect the family and herself she keeps you and your word first. I also pray Father that no matter what the situation at hand is that you reunite these two back into the covenant that they made with you. That they become stronger than before and that the love you give them to heal they in turn will pass on to other couples so they too can be healed.

I ask this in the name of Jesus, Amen.
 
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Cahlah

Guest
#4
#4
Thank you for your reply and encouragement. The difference that is between us is that I believe God, Jesus and the holy spirit are one where as my husband believes they aren't. We have husband and wife who pastor our small church and husband and wife who are leaders of our bible study. Our pastors teach what I have believed from the first time I became a christian, and our study leaders who do not. The phrase I used is because I do not think it was done right the and there was no love, also my husband and I were used as examples or ammunition to get a point across. I could say this is the only issue but its not as my husband also mentioned that we both serve different Gods due to our differences. At the time of our marriage the vows we said were "your God will be my God and your people my people", how did it turn out so wrong?
 
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Cahlah

Guest
#5
#5
Thank you Lord for your encouragement and thank you Yac11, such a blessing to be a part of the family of God.:)
 
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AmberGardner

Guest
#6
#6
Wow. I'm so sorry!! You and he and everybody else should watch this video.

1Corinthians 3:3 for you are still controlled by your sinful nature. You are jealous of one another and quarrel with each other. Doesn't that prove you are controlled by your sinful nature? Aren't you living like people of the world? 4 When one of you says, "I am a follower of Paul," and another says, "I follow Apollos," aren't you acting just like people of the world? 5 After all, who is Apollos? Who is Paul? We are only God's servants through whom you believed the Good News. Each of us did the work the Lord gave us. 6 I planted the seed in your hearts, and Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow. 7 It's not important who does the planting, or who does the watering. What's important is that God makes the seed grow. 8 The one who plants and the one who waters work together with the same purpose. And both will be rewarded for their own hard work. 9 For we are both God's workers. And you are God's field. You are God's building.

Demolishing Denominations: A Prophet Word from the Lord
Demolishing Denominations: A Prophetic Word From The Lord - YouTube




 
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kenisyes

Guest
#7
#7
Cahlah said:
Thank you for your reply and encouragement. The difference that is between us is that I believe God, Jesus and the holy spirit are one where as my husband believes they aren't. We have husband and wife who pastor our small church and husband and wife who are leaders of our bible study. Our pastors teach what I have believed from the first time I became a christian, and our study leaders who do not. The phrase I used is because I do not think it was done right the and there was no love, also my husband and I were used as examples or ammunition to get a point across. I could say this is the only issue but its not as my husband also mentioned that we both serve different Gods due to our differences. At the time of our marriage the vows we said were "your God will be my God and your people my people", how did it turn out so wrong?
Click to expand...
This is definitely the devil trying to divide both your church and your marriage. Every theologian who has delved into the question has decided God is "One in Three" or "Three in One", and that no theological statement can possibly resolve the exact issue. We still get into some real arguments on this in the CC threads about once every two months. Both positions are correct, and both factions are wrong because they insist the other is not acceptable.

If you can stand it, here's a few resources (with undoubtedly TMI) to prove what I have summarized for you.
https://bible.org/article/trinity-triunity-god
Survey of Theology 2. The Doctrine of the Trinity
Trinity - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

What will work for the two of you I cannot say. If it were me, I would leave the church, tell both factions they are acting like idiots, and invite them to return to the roots of Chrisitanity and true fellowship. Of course, the letter would mean nothing until you and your husband can do so first.

If I go by the Scripture of your vows, my opinion is you both have the same God. You also have the plaster of a lot of words and a lot of hurt from the church, covering up this reality. I would think that "your people and his people" lie elsewhere. I think God may have even allowed this to happen to test the specific wording and intent of that vow as you chose to make it, and to let the two of you break through to a better understanding of exactly who "your (plual) God" is.
 
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ptlman

Guest
#8
#8
It is good that u are seeking help from ur brothers and sisters here. Know that we are here for u and will be praying for u. 2 Cor 5:18-21 talks about God's reconciliation and how He's given us the spirit or reconciliation. That tells me God loves restoration and reconciliation. He wants ur marriage to be restored and made into a vessel fit for His use. This will take Gods help, but both of you will have to do ur part.I dont understand the part about u both having different Gods and being the same. I do believe that u need to find a new Church together. With the restoration needs a New Christian Family. A place thats about love and not tearing down. A place thats about unity and not division.I hope and pray both of u allow God to work in ur hearts, the marriage, and ur family. Those children need you both together. God will work it all out. Read Eph 3:20. God has done that verse in my life and He'll do it for u too. Read my testimony and u will see His Power and Provision. He is so GOOD!!!!!!!!!!
 
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BishopSEH

Guest
#9
#9
I am surprised that no one suggested it. Have you considered that both of you may have out grown that church, joined or split? It happens all to often. See when the congregation gets to a certain point where the teaching does not keep up with growth, spiritually speaking, of the membership and the church leadership is either willfully or unintentional blind to the change a split can sometimes occur.

Why not try looking for a new church? I assure you it won;t hurt you or your husband. But staying clearly is. If a church split effects a household in this fashion the correct choice is often to seek biblical teaching and discipleship from a new church.

If you can't accept the view of the side that left and he can't accept the view of the side that stayed then leave. Find a church where both of you and your children are fed. No one, not even the Lord God Himself would command you and your family to remain in a toxic situation. Remember the very first Church was a husband and his wife and later their children. It took over 1000 years before the concept of corporate worship was introduced via the tabernacle and later the Temple which lead to Synagogue which would lead to the House Church and then the Corporate Church.

Further, the primary source from biblical discipline should not come from a "church" as we call it today but from the Husband and Wife working together to raise up godly children that will in turn grow into godly adults and then parents themselves who will pass the flame of faith to the next generation. In the event of conflicting doctrinal beliefs, such as the nature of God's triune nature, which can not be explained nor fully understood by sinful and moral man, teach both sides and let the children pray and meditate on your teachings and the Word and let God provide them a specific direction.

People make faith so complicated. Pride compounds it. Both of you need to let go of your pride both in your sense of "rightness" and in these particular congregations, pick up your cross and follow the Lord and not some list of doctrinal standards which are causing division.

It may be that you are repulsed by this idea but ask yourself why you are, if indeed you are, and also ask yourself if you are willing to pay the price of a divided family rather than humble yourself to the Word and the God that gave it. Please let us know what decision you make and keep us updated on your situation. I will be ever praying for you and your families restoration be it the Lord's will.

In Christ,

Bishop SEH
 
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Cahlah

Guest
#10
#10
Thanks all very helpful today reading your replies help get me through the day and constant prayer. I hear you all, it just pained me to see people caught up in trivial issues. I will take on board everything said and keep you updated with progress.
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#11
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#11
Church conflict is a very sad thing. If it isn't about a salvation issue I say leave it alone. But it is especially sad when it affects a marriage. I agree about looking for another church to attend; and concentrate on your marriage issues as the most important thing right now.

Theology should not divide a couple. Sometimes it's best to agree to disagree (if it's not a salvation issue). God is more concerned about you following your marriage vows than settling a dispute that may have been going on for decades. There is a lot of theology that is just not provable...God cannot be fully understood by the human mind.

Praying for you both....wisdom and guidance from the Holy Spirit.
 
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Share55

Guest
#12
#12
A marriage split because of doctrinal differences and a church split for the same reason. So who worships who? God, the church or the Bible?
Outgrowing a church even! We are all on different levels in God but it certainly should not call for a division or a split.
I would go back and ask your husband who the both of you are worshipping, God/church/Bible. We cannot possibly agree on the teachings of the Bible. I have heard a great many well known evangelists say that this is their belief but may not be held by others, Why? because we are on different planes of knowing God's Word and in some cases we have not the experience to help us grasp what others see. God says, I will make the blind to see and make those that see to be blind.

I recall when there were a lot of children suicides in our area and there was talk of no church services or burials because of their great sin so I asked the question, who taught these children about God? there is no sin if sin is not known.

Think of the situation and don't point blame. We could be all wrong or we could be all right. Only God knows. When a church group comes into a disagreement on a doctrine ask 'What does God say of this and is it worthy enough to Him to cause a split or is there an ulterior motive to the split? You might ask your husband if it wasn't for this doctrine difference if he still loves you.
I am very forward in my relationships and when something smells wrong I ask. If you don't ask you are burying your head in the sand but reality happens to find a way to slap it in your face eventually.
 
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