Engaged

  • Thread starter MYSAVIORJESUSCHRIST
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MYSAVIORJESUSCHRIST

Guest
#1
No...not what your thinking...not me:p

My cousin who is maybe a year younger just got engaged with his girl friend, found out just last night, who he dated in high school, been maybe 6 years ago.

Very happy for them. He dated 3-4 girls in between and I was there for each breakup and it was never a good time...

He was probably one of my closest friends growing up but since then we've both went our separate ways...but still have been friends, just not buddy buddy when were were much younger.

I'd say about 6 of my friends that I know got married in the last 3-4 years and I am always happy to see people come together like that and then start a family on their own.

It seems like I never take it fully well however, seeing friends get married while I don't, nor do I want to, at least at this time. Then I step back each time and God affirms my single hood again and am happy I am single and get to focus on Him.

I'll be honest when I say this, I am human, and when this happens, I hurts at least just a little. Wondering if my life would be better if I got married at some point. However, I get to use my being single to focus on God but I am very confident in my relationship with Him and he's done so much for me I want to be a blessing in other people's lives....

That being said, I find this hard to do. Whether I support in a Bible study group, a church, small group, children's program, program for teens, trying out a missions organization, go to school, go to work, CC etc. I just am not able to express God's love the way I want to or found that niche yet.

As people get older in the faith they tend to be well grounded and in need of less and less support from others in regard to their faith because they have learned to put their faith in God and not other people.

I wonder myself if married people feel incomplete sometimes because even though they have a family and kids they get to provide for and love may wonder sometimes why they are here, although I find that pretty hard to believe.

I usually get over this feeling, has happened before, probably will again. Just not a fun feeling to have.

Any support?

(I am posting this in the singles forum as well as the married since I would like support from both groups/so if you see the same thing twice don't re-read it, it will save you some time.):cool:

Blessings!
-Ben:)
 
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MYSAVIORJESUSCHRIST

Guest
#2
Don't everyone give advice at once.:p
 
Jun 23, 2015
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#3
Well,in the first place.. it was not necessary to post in two places for all to see or even respond.

Im not sure what kind of response you are looking for! It kind of seems to me that you are feeling envious for a bit with each engagement and then you get over it. '
Id advise you to keep thanking the Lord for your singleness. Marriage is not all it is cracked up to be unless you marry your best friend and God is the center focus at all times. Marriage is hard work. Too many are in love with the thought of "happily ever after" kind of thing but have no idea the dedication it takes to make it work hence the high divorce rates.

The worst thing you can do is stay in that mind set that they have more than you because they are married!
Look at it this way, you have your singleness and God has you all to himself with nothing whatsoever distracting you from focusing on HIM solely! Theres that saying it is better to be alone than be with someone who makes your life miserable.Guess what! I know that to be a true statement. Embrace your singleness!!


Get involved in the bigbrother -bigsister society. Bless a kid at risk . This may be your niche. Keep focusing on God. He will work it our for you and show you the right way to go! Just keep walking.God will make your path straight.
1Corinth 7:8

7Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. 8But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.…
 
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MYSAVIORJESUSCHRIST

Guest
#4
Blondie:

Thanks for responding...and thanks for the encouragement!:D

Envy...hmmm...describe this envy you talk about...:eek:

I posted in both single and married because I want both views, I'm sorry you felt personally offended by this...never my intent:p

Yes. Agreed. Single is recommended and that is the verse that I find comfort in regards to the specifics of this concern.:cool:

Thanks again for the advice, a lot of good food for thought!

Blessings!
 
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blue_ladybug

Senior Member
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
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#5
Blondie:

Thanks for responding...and thanks for the encouragement!:D

Envy...hmmm...describe this envy you talk about...:eek:

I posted in both single and married because I want both views, I'm sorry you felt personally offended by this...never my intent:p

Yes. Agreed. Single is recommended and that is the verse that I find comfort in regards to the specifics of this concern.:cool:

Thanks again for the advice, a lot of good food for thought!


1.) There is no married forum here, this is the FAMILY forum.

2.) The mods don't like people making duplicate threads in multiple forums.
 
M

MYSAVIORJESUSCHRIST

Guest
#6
Forgive me, I am human.:(

First time I was told.:(
 
M

MYSAVIORJESUSCHRIST

Guest
#8
Thanks for letting me know blue_lady bug!:)

Should not happen again!
 
Feb 24, 2015
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#9
I usually get over this feeling, has happened before, probably will again. Just not a fun feeling to have.
There is an illusion, that marriage is a coming together in understanding. If anything most of a marriage is learning how to be different while sharing together. It has the best of togetherness when things are going well and the worst of hard times because you cannot get away.

As a single person it is easy to ignore your failings because there is no one their to point them out, but when you live in community, everyone is on display and normally becomes an issue at some point. It is often the case when people have been single for a long time, they find it very hard to bend and accommodate another in their space.

It is far far easier choosing your time of sharing and participating as a single person, but if you need company and would like to share to have companionship then being a couple can really work well.

Taking all this together, you need to find your place and where you work best.

It sounds like at the moment you are happy, so that is brilliant. Life is very full, and making space for another is a sacrifice, but somethings are learnt in this process, but it can be a baptism of fire.

The biggest problem is around children. They radically effect and change you, push you in ways you never imagined, challenge your whole existance and make you question who you really are. It is great if you are strong enough and ready, but taking your time is 100% recommended because you cannot turn the clock back and it is a 20 year minimum commitment to the complete unknown.

Does this help at all?
 
Jun 23, 2015
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#10
Envy...hmmm...describe this envy you talk about...:eek:
You had stated in your OP :
It seems like I never take it fully well however, seeing friends get married while I don't,. This looks like envy to me or maybe a lil of self pity? I say that because the focus was on YOU

I posted in both single and married because I want both views, I'm sorry you felt personally offended by this...never my intent:p
I wasnt personally offended. Read the rules of chat. They are there for all who are on this site. Its called duplicate posts.

Yes. Agreed. Single is recommended and that is the verse that I find comfort in regards to the specifics of this concern.:cool:

Scripture is to renew our minds therefore our words reflect the change in our hearts. You seem double minded. Keep studying God Living Words. Its a process. Its a daily surrender to do all things Christ so that the sanctifying change continues.
 

Angela53510

Senior Member
Jan 24, 2011
11,782
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#11
If God has called you to be single, then focus on that. It is not my calling, but you need to be obedient to God. Maybe work on the envy a bit, but keep on doing what you are doing.

I have been married 35 years, with 4 chidren and 4 grandchildren. Not every day was perfect. But my husband is also a Christian, and he has never minded if I study the Bible, go to Seminary, or do a lot of ministry. He is glad he married a godly woman, he has told me! (And I am glad I married a godly man!)

I know God called me to be a mother, grandmother, wife, teacher, pastor and mentor. I guess that for some, a relationship may interfere with what God has told them to do, but I have never found that for me. I used to work full time, and I was active in lots of church activities, as well as a lot of personal outreach. And of course, taking care of my family.

Even seminary turned out really well for me. My husband was working, and on the road a few times a month. I studied when he was a work, and did papers, exams and things of that sort when he was out of town. My husband (and my father) did wonder WHY I was doing it. But when I started doing chaplain work, the whole journey made sense.

I had to stop doing chaplain work because my RA meds failed and walking became too difficult, but God has opened up new doors for me to minister to the lost, the hurting and broken, and now being a mentor.

I'm only explaining this, so you understand that if your heart is right, you can serve God anywhere, in any relationship or none, and in any country, sick or healthy. Our hearts have to be continually turned towards God, and it doesn't really matter what worldly encumberments we have - with God all things are possible!
 
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MYSAVIORJESUSCHRIST

Guest
#12
Everyone's feedback is very much appreciated!

Thanks you!:cool:

Also after I tried to dispel the assumption that some made that I'm envious that is a personal attack on me, you don't know this please stop judging me!:(

It seems every time I ask a personal question on this site I have some people who use my weakness and exploit it. This is very discouraging.:(

For those of you still accusing me of doubling posts...I already addressed this

I'm sorry, forgive me, I am Human!:(

Blessings!
 
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