Failing at Loving My Husband Properly

[BeMercifulToMe]

We are to love others as Jesus loved us...I know that this is difficult and we will always struggle. However, I find myself holding back love and affection from my husband. He is so sweet and loving but he makes me so mad/sad sometimes. When I feel like this it makes me think that he doesn't deserve my affection. I feel like I need to tell him how I feel but I can't even put it into words. It's like all these frustrations don't make sense when I say them out loud and I sound silly and stupid. Or when I do voice what I'm feeling I end up having such a guilt complex that I apologize for what I said or feel guild ridden for days after a confrontation. I'm afraid to say what I feel because words cannot be taken back....what if I hurt him terribly only to find out I'm wrong!?

 

[Born_Again]

Being divorced, I can only help so much. But I can say the silence or lack of communication in these matters certainly contributed to the end of our marriage though it was not the sole cause. That being said, we didn't have a Christ centered relationship either. In the end, we were very unevenly yoked. I began to search for Christ and she pulled away.

What I can contribute is this...

Talk to him. But talk to him with love and passion of Christ. Know, if God is in your marriage, He will guide it. Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance. Words can hurt, but only if said with the intention to hurt. Be receptive to what he says. Most importantly, pray together. If you don't already, its never too late to start. If you need to, ask Christ back into your marriage. He would be more than happy to do so. With God in your marriage, it cant fail. He wont let it.

Remember, marriage is a two way street. It has to be a 50/50 of give and take. Its when it becomes one sided that it begins to fall. Its unfortunate for me that I didn't use this advice in my own marriage. I have a new life in Christ now but I wish I had gotten it right earlier in the game. Don't let your feelings in this matter fester any longer. It can only do harm, my friend.

Christ can not only save us, He can save our marraiges too!

I hope this helps. I will pray for you both. I pray that the Holy Spirit guides you and that your husband hears you with an open heart and mind.

God Bless,

BA

 

[jb]

We are to love others as Jesus loved us...I know that this is difficult and we will always struggle. However, I find myself holding back love and affection from my husband. He is so sweet and loving but he makes me so mad/sad sometimes. When I feel like this it makes me think that he doesn't deserve my affection. I feel like I need to tell him how I feel but I can't even put it into words. It's like all these frustrations don't make sense when I say them out loud and I sound silly and stupid. Or when I do voice what I'm feeling I end up having such a guilt complex that I apologize for what I said or feel guild ridden for days after a confrontation. I'm afraid to say what I feel because words cannot be taken back....what if I hurt him terribly only to find out I'm wrong!?

Don't "see" your husband's "faults" BUT see him!

(I'm not referring to your husband's obvious bad traits/sins/transgressions, like lying, deceit, which should be confronted and dealt with, but with personality differences to you own)

1Peter 4v8...

 

[Denice]

JB please if you find the time PM me. I find my seft in a similar boat. I would live to chat with you. Thanks God bless

 

[FaithCharity]

I know I'm young and I can't sympathize but only empathize, but I love reading (Christian fiction, nonfiction, marriage help guides, biographies, random things) and I know a couple books that might help you, if you're into reading.
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman is a marriage counselling book that talks about the ways people communicate their love and how some people want to be loved; sometimes we or our partner feel rejected/unloved because we aren't expressing love in the way they understand.
Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers is a Christian Fiction retelling of the book of Hosea, it really goes in to talking about loving like God would love, though definitely in a more severe situation.

I can't remember what counseling book this is from, but I think it's a funny little quote from a real marriage that might apply to you wanting to talk to your husband, it went something like this: "People used to be amazed when we told them we never argued/fought with eachother, they thought our marriage must be great, but it wasn't (our real feelings were hidden). Now we have a bunch of small arguments ever week and we're doing better than ever!"

 

[sharkwhales]

We are to love others as Jesus loved us...I know that this is difficult and we will always struggle. However, I find myself holding back love and affection from my husband. He is so sweet and loving but he makes me so mad/sad sometimes. When I feel like this it makes me think that he doesn't deserve my affection. I feel like I need to tell him how I feel but I can't even put it into words. It's like all these frustrations don't make sense when I say them out loud and I sound silly and stupid. Or when I do voice what I'm feeling I end up having such a guilt complex that I apologize for what I said or feel guild ridden for days after a confrontation. I'm afraid to say what I feel because words cannot be taken back....what if I hurt him terribly only to find out I'm wrong!?

Sounds like you may have some legitimate interpersonal issues with your husband, but it's being made hard to resolve by your own personal issues. Which I think is normal challenge that people face in relationships. Perhaps a marriage counselor, or a minister, would be helpful. A third party to help you two not get lost in an established 2-person dynamic when you talk about stuff. And also to help you separate what's going on between the two of you, from what's going on inside you personally.

 

[keep_on_smiling]

​This may seem odd, but while reading your post, a thought kept coming to me. You need to respond to your husband in love (being kind, patient, caring etc.) if you feel you can't do that in the moment, step away and talk with the Lord. THEN once you've calmed down, talk with your husband. Communication is key, however if you aren't able to do it effectively without making matters worse, give yourself a moment and talk later.

You aren't always going to be able to make others happy and yes, sometimes you will even hurt people, BUT the same is true for others. Your husband isn't perfect and he will frustrate you and hurt you, but maybe (hopefully) not intentionally. Try not to hold is against him and refuse to love him. I'm sure you do the same to him, just as others do in their relationships.

It sounds to me that you just need to seek the Lord in how to respond to your husband. I pray that the Lord helps you lovingly respond to your husband. I pray you will be greatly blessed in seeking out to do better in this situation! God bless!

 

[20]

KJV.1Thessalonians3;12-13,12.And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men,even as we do toward you. 13.To the and He may stablish your hearts unblameable in holiness before God, even our Father, at the coming of Our Lord Jesus Christ with all His saints.; You just ask Father to filled you with His love, according His Word.It's going happen when you fully obey to Him only.