Feeling confused!

[Tina1988]

Hello everyone,
so here is my story! I'm a 24 year old woman, married with one child and currently expecting. My childhood was an ok one, growing up I did experience some things a child should never go threw. Any who, I always felt unloved so when I hit 17 I started to date this guy and yikes! I thought he loved me but boy was I wrong. I lost myself with him. I couldn't do anything, not even look at him in the face or I would get a hit. Then I met my husband! Wow for the first time in my left I felt safe loved, protected, free! So now 7 years later and a wonderful life I thought we had was a lie. A few months ago I found out he was talking to a woman from work and it broke my heart. He told me it was her that was harassing him but that I did not have to worry that he was going to fix the problem. An everything went back to how we used to be. A happy family! A few weeks after that I found out I was expecting our second child and things got even better. Then again about a month and a half ago I find out my husband is talking to another woman from work and that she sent him a picture of herself just in underclothes. I thought I was going to die I confronted him and he said he had a problem that it became easy for him to lie and do the things he did but that he promised he never did anything with her. Then I find some emails that he never really stopped talking to the first woman from months back. I confronted him again and he told me he loved me and that it was all like a game for him. That he became unhappy with our marriage and he felt like it was a everyday routine. And that we needed to get help and that this time around things were really going to change. No more lies or going behind my back. We started counseling and everything seems to be getting better but I'm so afraid that he is still talking to both women an is just pretending. Idk what to do or think anymore. I love him with all my heart and he knows that. I don't understand how we got to this point. I just want my family back an I want to be able to trust him. One of the girls he was talking to was his carpool an I think he is still giving her rides not sure on how to ask him again to stop that.

 

[Tina1988]

any advice will be wonderful thank you!

 

[Jorina]

Dear Tina1988,
First of all, im not even in a relationship and i never have been in a relationship so i dont think im the right person for giving you an advice. But i just want you to know that someone has heard your cry out for help, and i promise i'll help you in the best way in can: i'll be praying to our their Father in Heaven who knows your heart, who knows your husbands heart and so praying for you, your husband, your kids and even the women your men has been talking to is very important. The Lord loves you dear Tina and He wont put you trough all this without being there to guide you on your way. I really hope that someone who is able to advise you will react on your questions and might be of great help. If you ever need a listening ear: send me a message and ill be listening . Take care dear sister in Christ. May God bless you and everyone around you!

 

[richie_2uk]

Hello, I'm not sure as to whom you wanted advise from male or female. But also like Jorina, I too cannot give you any advice regarding your relationship. as I too not in one. But you have raise this question, and Amen Jorina, God has heard Tina's cry. and believe this when I say. God hears you Tina. and I know that spirit of confusion will no longer be there, as God will deal with it for you. Just believe, focus your question to him, lift your concerns to God. and I know for sure. you will be blessed with answers. God bless. Trust in the one who created us, he knows the blue prints of our lives. God bless and be blessed...............

 

[Bluecomet]

Hello Tina, I am Bluecomet. Welcome to CC. Do you go to church ?

 

[Tina1988]

No I do not attend a church at the moment but I pray every night that god helps me get threw this situation. I love my husband and i do believe people change for the good.

 

[Bookends]

True love always seeks reconciliation. But reconciliation is a two way street. If your husband repents and tries his best to be faithful, then you should stick it out, forgive him, seek ways in which to please him. If he repents and goes back to the same ol routines then his repentance wasn't heart felt or genuine. At this point if he has cheated on you, are free to divorce. But I would also not recommend that either for if you really love him, your faithfulness may win him over. If you are really having a tough time with his unfaithfulness however, I would suggest a temporary separation to see if he'll wake up to the possible losses that would come with a permanent divorce. Read 1 Corinthians 7.

I would also advice you to seek a well balance bible teaching/preaching church where you can seek support and advice during and after this ordeal. I really can't understand why a Christian would not gravitate to a community of believers to give and take of all the blessings that the body of Christ can offer, edification, teaching, conviction, etc. etc. I will pray for you.

 

[Ariel82]

does you husband know Jesus?

he isn't going to change unless something happens for him to repent of his adulterous heart. he may think its a game but i think its cruel for him to play with the emotions of the women at his work.

is there any way you could drop by with a picnic lunch or something and get to know those people?

I don't know. I'll keep your family in my prayers. May God show you the answers you need.

 

[Lucy68]

You have several things working for you I think. He knows he has a problem and admits it, and you both sound like you sincerely love each other. Christian marriage counseling would probably help you both get on track to a godly marriage. Playing around on the borders of temptation and sin is deadly to the soul and to relationships and he needs to realize this. Until he understands God's desire for complete commitment to a spouse, he will continue down this slippery slope until it's too late to turn around. Get him to counseling.

Also, start visiting churches together. Listening to God's Word preached is a great motivator for doing what is right. Plus, Christian relationships are very encouraging. He may meet a mature Christian man who can mentor him.

Praying for you both...wisdom and guidance from the Holy Spirit. I think many marriages suffer from 'wandering eyes' and the main solution is to fix those eyes on Jesus.

 

[Logan787]

Carpooling with a woman is not a good idea. Especially if he is driving. I would make him not give her a ride anymore. Also be open about his cell phone and emails.

 

[Tina1988]

Thanks everyone for the replies. I really appreciate it, we start Christian marriage counseling this upcoming Friday. We started going to counseling but our therapist made a comment I just did not feel it was appropriate she said and I quota " you know why you are hurting so much? It's because you saw the emails your husband sent the other lady, like I always say eyes that don't see is a heart that doesn't feel" I was so mad I could not believe she said that to me and in front of my husband. I felt like she was giving him the ok to keep doing what he was doing. So lets see how it goes with this pastor. @logan787 why do you say that carpooling with a girl and if he's driving its not ok? I did talk to him about it and said he told he wanted to respect me and he couldn't give her a ride anymore.

 

[ATKG]

Sounds you both are on the right track. As a women in that situation in the past, I know it's difficult for you to put that in the back of your mind. I would make a little index card binder with bible scriptures that you can whip out of your purse when you have these thoughts. The devil knows where to attack you now, however, scripture is your armor suit. Stay in the word, stay connected to your your church and surround your self with friends that have the same beliefs of you. Sometimes our hardships turn into blessings and it seems you both will gain a better relationship with God and that's the biggest blessings we gain from our troubles. May God pour his blessings on your marriage and protect your marriage, in Jesus name I pray.

 

[Logan787]

Tina
I agree with you on your comment of the counselor. She is pretty much saying, "what you dont know wont hurt you." If you didnt know, it still wouldnt be right for your husband to do those things and talk to other women like that. Be very careful about what kind of counseling you get. Test the spirits like the Bible says. Let God the Holy Spirit be your first Counselor. I hope things get better for you.

 

[megaman125]

I confronted him again and he told me he loved me and that it was all like a game for him. That he became unhappy with our marriage and he felt like it was a everyday routine.

This is why you need God to be in the center of your marriage (that goes for the guy too). Your story is just the sort of thing that happens when relationships are based on sex or feelings, and not rooted in God. It feels routine, boring, and old to him because that's what happens with feelings, they come and go. It's dangerous to base your relationship on feelings alone, because it will just never ultimately satisfy (that's more directed at your husband than you).

 

[yac11]

Hey,

I am so sorry for your situation. Forgive me for asking,,,,,,but your bio says your not Christian. Have you not accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior yet and repented. Maybe it was a error? All I know is that though God loves you right now. You must go through his son to get to him. In another wards if you want and need blessings with this marriage, in this walk called life you must include Jesus in your life and start walking with him. God will in his time, give you your heart desires.

Please also leave people with something so they feel blessed by you. I will pray for you to accept Jesus as your savior.