I
of my local catholic church 
After visiting the postoffice with the nice people whom work there i troddled off to church.
It was closed all but a small prayer room.
I dare not to go in with my orange nail polish on my visible feet I did not feel dressed, ready or appropriate to prayer there.
So found my self sitting on a bench by statue of Mary, and there I spoke to her and to God.
(not out loud)
I cried and prayed and felt i am welcome to the church and it is Gods will I attend.
As I fear humans i should fear God more lol
Humans not wanting me in church may be less to fear than God wanting me in church.
Raised by atheists.
Rideculed and got in trouble if prayed or spoke of such.
I felt jesus all my life ever since childhood but never embraced fully perhaps.
I felt stigmatha without the blood and felt other things experienced.
I was ready to give up idea of attending church, thinking people may this and that.... afraid of exclusion, not fitting in, judging and bullying etc
But I could not deny all feel and jesus keeps coming back into my life and willing me to be true.
Maybe next time i will enter prayer room.
With covered shoes.
Next step may be attending service.
It is a catholic church and I know I am welcome.
I spoke with her and spoke with God and was answered, I am welcome.
If people do not welcome me or they judge me based upon things they may not know full story of or disorted truths or etc
then that is with them.
The true reason of church has welcomed me and i felt that this day.
Still, i fear people because of my past.
Step by step.
Next is prayer room, lonesome.
And to prayer better at home not "aaaaa, i prayed with my soul and spirit"
It may be nice put hands together also and make a ritual with the body as well.
Was nice anyway : My first encounter to local church.
Tears and heard myself entering the name and various other things.
A start is a start.
A men
and God bless
After visiting the postoffice with the nice people whom work there i troddled off to church.
It was closed all but a small prayer room.
I dare not to go in with my orange nail polish on my visible feet I did not feel dressed, ready or appropriate to prayer there.
So found my self sitting on a bench by statue of Mary, and there I spoke to her and to God.
(not out loud)
I cried and prayed and felt i am welcome to the church and it is Gods will I attend.
As I fear humans i should fear God more lol
Humans not wanting me in church may be less to fear than God wanting me in church.
Raised by atheists.
Rideculed and got in trouble if prayed or spoke of such.
I felt jesus all my life ever since childhood but never embraced fully perhaps.
I felt stigmatha without the blood and felt other things experienced.
I was ready to give up idea of attending church, thinking people may this and that.... afraid of exclusion, not fitting in, judging and bullying etc
But I could not deny all feel and jesus keeps coming back into my life and willing me to be true.
Maybe next time i will enter prayer room.
With covered shoes.
Next step may be attending service.
It is a catholic church and I know I am welcome.
I spoke with her and spoke with God and was answered, I am welcome.
If people do not welcome me or they judge me based upon things they may not know full story of or disorted truths or etc
then that is with them.
The true reason of church has welcomed me and i felt that this day.
Still, i fear people because of my past.
Step by step.
Next is prayer room, lonesome.
And to prayer better at home not "aaaaa, i prayed with my soul and spirit"
It may be nice put hands together also and make a ritual with the body as well.
Was nice anyway : My first encounter to local church.
Tears and heard myself entering the name and various other things.
A start is a start.
A men
and God bless