Friends no more

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J

Jennyyyyy

Guest
#1
#1
Little dilemma,

I have a not-so-friend friend, who I've been avoiding for the last few months.
We were good friends in high school, grew apart the last few years, had a big fight over something really stupid, and now I never talk to her and I don't respond to her messages.
I know it's really really bad, but we're just not compatible as friends, I cannot force myself to talk to her about this, so at least we're on good terms.
What should I do, any advice?
 
O

OFM

Guest
#2
#2
continue to love her as a christian pray for her i am going through that now too
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
If the fight was over something 'really stupid' then whats the big deal in discussing it? Something doesn't add up.
 
J

Jennyyyyy

Guest
#4
#4
It's hard to go into details about exactly how our friendship looked like. But it wasn't a very good one.
The fight wasn't the pinnacle of the badness, it started off ok, she was new to the country in high school, but as she started growing more comfortable and over the shock of being somewhere new, I guess things just started to come out, her true personality that is.
I should have added that we never really see eye to eye with anything, she is very judgmental, I have a hard time talking to her, and she's incredibly matriarchal and condescending. We had some big fights, small ones, the normal kind of ups and downs, but what I realized was that it was like a bad relationship kind of where it's just not working. The chemistry isn't there, i don't feel comfortable telling her things, and she doesn't seem comfortable either.
Just so incompatible as friends.
 
P

piper27

Guest
#5
#5
unfortunately, I think thats a part of growing up. The things that you had in common as teenagers, you wont have in common as young adults. As you mature, the less these things are important. Let it ride; forgive her, and offer her peace. It may be impossible to 'change her mind' on anything (just like youve described her being judmental and matriarchal). Let her be -- offer her love. Thats it.
Greiving the change in a relationship can be hard. Best wishes to ya.
 
M

Matreshka

Guest
#6
#6
u named something what u dont like in ur friend , but i am sure ur friend has good in her too , it cant be all bad . u need to give a try not to focus what happent in the past . past is the past , ppl change . if tht friendship ever meant something to u then u two will talk .
 
A

AgeofKnowledge

Guest
#7
#7
Try telling her the truth?

Jennyyyyy said:
Little dilemma,

I have a not-so-friend friend, who I've been avoiding for the last few months.
We were good friends in high school, grew apart the last few years, had a big fight over something really stupid, and now I never talk to her and I don't respond to her messages.
I know it's really really bad, but we're just not compatible as friends, I cannot force myself to talk to her about this, so at least we're on good terms.
What should I do, any advice?
Click to expand...
 
J

Jennyyyyy

Guest
#8
#8
piper27 said:
unfortunately, I think thats a part of growing up. The things that you had in common as teenagers, you wont have in common as young adults. As you mature, the less these things are important. Let it ride; forgive her, and offer her peace. It may be impossible to 'change her mind' on anything (just like youve described her being judmental and matriarchal). Let her be -- offer her love. Thats it.
Greiving the change in a relationship can be hard. Best wishes to ya.
Click to expand...
I guess this is what I'm mostly leaning towards-- I don't want to completely walk away from her if she really needs me. I wouldn't even do that to someone who was a true jerk.
I really appreciate your understanding on this, it is truly a difficult thing. You don't want to let go and walk away, but you don't want to worsen the situation for both parties. :(
Thanks though, really.
God bless.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#9
#9
This is a common problem i see in women. And i don't mean that insulting, but i see it as a real, and common problem among women. That is to fight for every friendship, no matter how bad, unhealthy, or unwanted it is. I'm not saying to give up on every friendship soon as it hits a rocky time, but there are some times when a friendship is just over and needs to be let go of because there's nothing healthy left. Women will cling to them by the very last, thin thread of existence, and i think this is an unhealthy attitude and puts women in bad positions.
I suggest moving on. There is nothing healthy here. Nothing worth hanging on it. Doesn't mean you have to storm off angry and bitter, just recognize that this is bad for the both of you and the ideal thing is to stop torturing each other in some sad attempt to keep a dead friendship alive.
 
error

error

Senior Member
#10
Oct 23, 2009
1,244
10
38
#10
If your so called friend makes you feel bad-she's not (and never was) your friend.
I had a similar problem. If you want to talk about it-you can PM me.
 
W

WIJeff

Member
#11
Nov 27, 2012
55
7
8
#11
I've "fired" a few friends over my lifetime and not felt any worse for it later.If you are that different that you can't see eye to eye, I would let her go peacefully and move on, but "yes" continue to love her as a Christian should love everyone. Sometimes you gotta cut off the dead branches of a tree in order for the rest of the tree to blossom
 
E

eagle4031

Guest
#12
#12
OFM said:
continue to love her as a christian pray for her i am going through that now too
Click to expand...
you can also send a civil reply. if you broke up over something stupid, maybe there is room for reconcilaition
 
L

Lucy68

Senior Member
#13
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#13
You can still be friends but you may want to be careful how much of yourself you share with her. I suggest reconciling with her and setting healthy emotional boundaries. You will be more at peace with yourself knowing that you can still offer friendship but realize that you don't have to offer your entire 'self' in that relationship. There are, in reality, only a few people that we feel totally comfortable with getting to know on a deeper level. At least, I've found this to be true in my life :).
 
Tommy4Christ

Tommy4Christ

Banned
#14
Feb 11, 2012
1,358
8
0
#14
Jennyyyyy said:
Little dilemma,

I have a not-so-friend friend, who I've been avoiding for the last few months.
We were good friends in high school, grew apart the last few years, had a big fight over something really stupid, and now I never talk to her and I don't respond to her messages.
I know it's really really bad, but we're just not compatible as friends, I cannot force myself to talk to her about this, so at least we're on good terms.
What should I do, any advice?
Click to expand...
Get yourself righ before God, repent of all vile sins and seek His mercy, love your ex friend by preaching the truth to them, but your obedience must be fulfilled first, you cannot call a kettle black when your is still black, you cannot offer someone something you do not possess yourself! we must love our enemies, pray for them, and offer them eternal life as Jesus commanded.

But if they refuse the truth, and live in wanton sin and rebellion, then you must dust your feet off, but warn them of their eternal desteny IF they do not repent, and come clean before God.

Very simple, it all boils down to where your heart is, dont worry about anyone elses until you are in the faith, not by some foreign provision, but by entering the narrow way as Jesus commands us to do!

The kingdom of Heaven is taken by violence!​
​
Mat 11:12 And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of Heaven is taken by violence, and the violent take it by force.​
Jesus boldly proclaimed who the greatest preacher of all times was, and it was John the Baptist! He preached repentance, and prove your repentance by your deeds, another words, the sin stops in repentance,(cutting it off at the root) you die with Christ, and crucify your flesh as commanded to enter the kingdom with great diligence, passion, and violent force, which is a far cry from the Billy Graham just confess, then receive Jesus into your heart!
Jesus made it clear, as well as John the Baptist, and many other followers of Christ, to take the kingdom of God by force, and the violence that comes from striving to enter, breaking through all the false teachings, that say you can get saved IN your vile sins, Jesus will clean you up, just believe, and you are in!
Does this sound like what Jesus and John the Baptist preached throughout their ministry? Does this sound close to taking the kingdom by violence and force!
I compare this to an army, coming against insurmountable odds, facing the giant so to speak, where the army is far outnumbered, but not defeated less they give up, look for the easy way out, as most professing Christians do today.
When you want something bad enough you will usually do whatever it takes to achieve it, as we see all the great sacrifices athletes make to be the best, as they put all their time and energy in becoming an elite in their chosen sport, but this is short lives, the great force and violence these athletes put fourth are going for nothing but short lived worldly gain and fortune.
Just think what would happen if everyone who professes Christ, put this kind of force, violence, and diligence into rightly dividing the word of God, standing fast against the false sin gospel, instead of defending it, and striving to enter the narrow gate by great force, and violently putting to death their old man, which can only come from real brokenness, clearing away all wrong doing, that only a truly repentant heart can accomplish!
So get ready to fight and strive by force to enter the narrow gate, repent of all vile sins, putting the old man to death once and for all, then stand fast against the forces of evil, the false teachers, and the apostate ministries that proclaim the easy done deal gospel, promising you the easy formula to success, which is a lie.
People spend their whole life perusing their own interests and achievements, usually putting all theyhave into reaching these goals, but neglected the weightier matters of eternal life. They fail to put their time and energy into the truth that transforms a poor helpless sinner, into a valiant warrior for Christ, where their efforts are not in physical prowess, but in spiritual power and violent force, where the power comes from the mighty word of God, not man, not man’s opinions, and especially not from the great reformation that has left the true gospel according to godliness in shambles, leaving many in bondage to an easy salvation void of any real works of repentance, devotion, commitment and force to enter the narrow gate.
Jesus made the way, He stated that the only way is through Him and many will reject this, and His free gift, but it can only come to the one who forsakes their sins in repentance first, as they seek Him with great force and violence against the wiles of the devil, living a life in obedient faith, not perfection, but open and dedicated to growing more and more in wisdom, love, peace and godliness as the spirit reveals their faults and imperfections, but the big sins of the flesh must be put to death, and kept dead by violence if need be.
This is the way to the kingdom, it’s not an easy path, but like the athlete mentioned above, It’s well worth the final prize which is far better than a mere trophy, endorsements, a huge pay check, that will soon fade away and, add up to nothing but vanity and eternal ruin!
What will a man give in exchange for their soul?
Luk 13:24 Strive to enter in at the narrow gate. For I say to you, many will seek to enter in and shall not be able.
Tommy 12-1-12
 
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