HAVE I FORGIVEN?

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BLINDSIDE_CHIK

Guest
#1
#1
It just kinda hit me. I know some of you have seen my posts recently about my family and how my Dad recently divorced my mom getting remarried to someone else.

I have accepted that my family is the way it is right now. But, I haven't talked to my Dad since then. Have I forgiven him? I mean, when you forgive someone - you forgive them. But when I think about how my family is I start feeling mad and sad. I know its human but I want to get past that. I thought I have forgiven my Dad but I haven't talked to him so what does that say about me?

I'd really like anyone's input who has actually gone through this. Thanks...
 
my_adonai_

my_adonai_

Senior Member
#2
Mar 19, 2012
818
22
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#2
when the Israelites sinned against God, creating the idol that they did. Moses had to get back up again, and RECONCILE them with GOD. Idolatry severed the relationship the nation and GOD had, so Moses had to do some priestly work. He was succesful at the expense of the followers of KORAH, God again did not want to lead them as HE DID. But Moses pleaded with HIM to do so, to RESTORE what they once HAD. israelites and GOD that is.
When a relationship is severed,
forgiveness first, forgive and believe that you have done so from THE HEART. Then reconcile with him, and pray for restoration of the relationship you Two had.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
Forgiveness does not have to involve accepting a person in your life. If i know someone is bad to have in my life, i can keep them out without holding a grudge. Being aware of a persons negative impact in your life and choosing not to have them in it is not the same as not forgiving them.
In the bible Abraham and hmm.. i think it was Lot were traveling together to look for new lands, i believe (i forget some details). Basically they found this great area and Lot, the tag along, claimed the best area of land for himself. This angered Abraham and they had a huge argument. In the end Abraham forgave Lot for his selfishness, let Lot have his choice, but chose to separate himself from Lot.
Though unless your father has a history of mistreating you, i would say it sounds more like you haven't forgiven him. And sounds as though you are still angry over the situation with your family. Understandably. That kind of healing takes time. And often times help from an outside source. Perhaps some counseling will help. Preferably a Christian based counselor.
 
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intercessorginger

Guest
#4
#4
You could give him a call. I bet he would be happy to hear from you.
 
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BLINDSIDE_CHIK

Guest
#5
#5
I think I have forgiven him. I think the thing is about him being in my life that I'm not sure what to do about. I think he should hear from me but at the same time, him being there would only hurt me because then I'd have to get involved with his things and other wife possibly if I started talking to him again.
 
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destinyinjesus86

Guest
#6
#6
Hi Blindside,
Read your story. Similar to what I have been through. Yep. Completely not only understand you, but feel what you feel. To make my long story short. My dad left me when I was a kid to tend his mother and my mom could not live with her cause she had lot of fights going on over there. Been brought up by my granny (mom's side). Have lived a hell of a life. Believe me ... I understand what you could go through if not given proper Godly advice. I did not find proper advice and found it late. I was told my dad was careless about me ..etc. I did not believe that saying from my mom's side. At last my dad's friend told me my dad's a good guy. I believed him. I was faced with a difficult decision as to my mom's side told me if I were going to my dad's place, I was not putting step foot back there. I choose to forgive my dad and left for his place. He made my life there much more living hell than what hell my other end put me through. Then I left that place and began living alone in a city where I just had an online friend (yes, you read it ryt) . She was /is not a perfect christian, but thank God there was someone!!! Don't know where would I be today otherwise. Today, am back in the city and thanks to my aunt and my unc who could help me get a home to live in. Yes, people are careless in this world. Its such a tragedy to know one's own flesh and blood could put someone he created in a living hell.
I think would like to have a chat with you further.Please Pm me.
Jesus Bless,
Ruby.
 
looking2Jesus

looking2Jesus

Banned
#7
Jan 28, 2012
56
0
0
#7
Forgiveness is the hardest thing to do with family , I am praying for you that God will help you with this, sometimes the hurt can be to be so bad it can take some time to heal , But God can also give you the strength to help you ..
 
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wonder777

Guest
#8
#8
I have expressed interest in forgiving one who abused me as a kid. He died 14 years ago this year. At age 36 (37 at the end of this month), it's all about resolution for me. I just want to go on with life and what God has for me. The hardest part is the waiting.
 
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BLINDSIDE_CHIK

Guest
#9
#9
Thank you all for the prayers, and advice I do appreciate it.
 
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wit2Christlv

Guest
#10
#10
Im sorry to hear about your family. I went through somewhat of that situation with my family. I to had a hard time forgiving my dad and I didnt talk to him as much cus I was so hurt. I lost alot of years being upset and hurt about choices my dad made in life. I wish I would have just forgiven him and just accepted what kind of man he was, cus he had a very hard life and been through so much. I could never get those years back. Im glad I ended up forgiving him in the end because in 2011 he passed away. God tells us to be quick to forgive, and I wish I didnt have to learn the hard way. Just forgive your dad and love him the way God loves us. Life is too short to hold on to hurt and anger. God bless you and your family.
 
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jinx

Guest
#11
#11
If you feel that you haven't forgiven him, then you could ask GOD to have HIS forgiving power to work in you and change your heart. GOD will do this! Because GOD wants us to be able to live a life without bitterness and resentment.
Forgiveness is not a human trait. It's a GOD thing. ask and you shall receive. still unsure after you ask the first time, keep asking, until you feel it working in your life.

forgiveness2.jpg
 
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Lucy68

Senior Member
#12
Jan 21, 2011
2,538
22
0
#12
Sounds like you're in the process of forgiving your dad. Learning how to relate to him in a different setting will take a little while. But he is your dad, not perfect and just as much in need of forgiveness as the rest of us. Praying for you...may the Spirit lead you and your dad into a healing relationship. And especially for healing for your mom.
 
RedTent

RedTent

Banned
#13
Oct 31, 2011
8,200
182
0
#13
Forgiveness happens when you stop trying to handle a problem yourself but just let God handle it. God says He will.

Heb 10:30 For we know the one who said, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay." And again, "The Lord will judge his people."
 
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jkalyna

Guest
#14
#14
RedTent said:
Forgiveness happens when you stop trying to handle a problem yourself but just let God handle it. God says He will.

Heb 10:30 For we know the one who said, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay." And again, "The Lord will judge his people."
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YES WE FORGIVE WITHIN OUR HEART HOLDING NO ANIMOSITY. THE WICKED ONE TRIES TO BRING CONDEMNATION SAYING IF U FORGAVE THEN WE NEED TO FELLOWSHIP WITH THOSE WHO WALK IN DARKNESS, WHEN CHRIST CONVICTS US NOT TO. THE GAME DOSN'T STOP THERE, NEITHER DID IT AT THE CROSS, THE WORD IS GOD IS DEAD, BUT I JUST TALKED TO HIM THIS MORNING.
 

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nathan3

Guest
#15
#15
Yeah forgive and be free.

The same thing happened to me, when I was in my teens. I held animosity against my dad & his new girl friend. Having those feelings against my dad hurt me, and it hurt him. And it made me forget all the good times and how good of a father he really was .He tried, and I count trying as perfect in my book.

No ones perfect, that is what I realized. When I became a Christian finally, I learned that in order to be forgiven I would have to let go of any hate in my heart and forgive everyone around me. Then I could ask God to forgive me for all that I had done by my poor feelings against my dad. ( and for breaking one of the commandments. Honor thy father and mother )

Seeing the error of my ways, my relationship with my father healed. I even respect his girlfriend and get along with her well and treat her with dignity and respect. You have to allow yourself to mature in that way.

Over time i learned how much my dad really missed the good times we had together. I learned he even cried.. My dad dose not cry. so that was a shock and it hurts me now even to think about it.

No ones perfect. So my advice would be forgive him totally and move on. Because you might be missing out on some good times with your dad. And he may deep down really miss you. Let go of any ill feelings towards his new wife too.. ( give up any conversations that might draw you into dark feelings and thoughts; of mistrust, etc )

There is no time for that. Hope this helped.
 
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BLINDSIDE_CHIK

Guest
#16
#16
nathan3 said:
Yeah forgive and be free.

The same thing happened to me, when I was in my teens. I held animosity against my dad & his new girl friend. Having those feelings against my dad hurt me, and it hurt him. And it made me forget all the good times and how good of a father he really was .He tried, and I count trying as perfect in my book.

No ones perfect, that is what I realized. When I became a Christian finally, I learned that in order to be forgiven I would have to let go of any hate in my heart and forgive everyone around me. Then I could ask God to forgive me for all that I had done by my poor feelings against my dad. ( and for breaking one of the commandments. Honor thy father and mother )

Seeing the error of my ways, my relationship with my father healed. I even respect his girlfriend and get along with her well and treat her with dignity and respect. You have to allow yourself to mature in that way.

Over time i learned how much my dad really missed the good times we had together. I learned he even cried.. My dad dose not cry. so that was a shock and it hurts me now even to think about it.

No ones perfect. So my advice would be forgive him totally and move on. Because you might be missing out on some good times with your dad. And he may deep down really miss you. Let go of any ill feelings towards his new wife too.. ( give up any conversations that might draw you into dark feelings and thoughts; of mistrust, etc )

There is no time for that. Hope this helped.
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I understand that, and yeah it helped. But the reason why I was wondering had I forgiven him or not is because I don't talk to him. Some people say that if you forgive someone, that doesn't mean you have to involve them in your life again and that doesn't mean you haven't forgiven them. I guess it depends on the case?
 
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nathan3

Guest
#17
#17
BLINDSIDE_CHIK said:
I understand that, and yeah it helped. But the reason why I was wondering had I forgiven him or not is because I don't talk to him. Some people say that if you forgive someone, that doesn't mean you have to involve them in your life again and that doesn't mean you haven't forgiven them. I guess it depends on the case?
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No, you dont have to be around or talk to him... but it would be nice if he knew you forgave him? right ? because , what if" ., he may be hurting in anyway shape for form ? . just a thought
 
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jinx

Guest
#18
#18
Forgiveness comes from an open heart, and without condition, or it doesn't come at all.
 
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hattiebod

Guest
#19
#19
BLINDSIDE_CHIK said:
I think I have forgiven him. I think the thing is about him being in my life that I'm not sure what to do about. I think he should hear from me but at the same time, him being there would only hurt me because then I'd have to get involved with his things and other wife possibly if I started talking to him again.
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I think when you say , whenever you think about him you feel mad & sad...thats a clue that this is still very raw for you and not worked through. Having a relationship with your father will hopefully only include his new wife, when you feel able to deal with that. At the moment, sounds like its a big ask to have a relationship with your father....so start with that? Also, your relationship with your father, ought to be separate from your mothers...you are his daughter. You are not in the marriage guidance business :) Just the precious daughter business!! End of. You and he need to work on that. He is your father but he may not be able to be what you want him to be...ask yourself what you want? and what you expect? and is it reasonable...how could it happen...and through it all? Pray. God is a God of peace and restoration, things may not be restored to the way they were or the way you had hoped, but, they can be 'good enough' again, if God is in charge and you rely on Him. God Bless you, <><
 
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