help please

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jason1970

Guest
#1
#1
im a bit embarresed by this but as i have nowhere else to turn to i thought id ask u guys and girls for advice....! im married,both christians,but my wife sex drive is slowing down ...a lot...due to menapause and other stuff. Now i love my wife but i have a HIGH sex drive and i dont know what to do! Weve spoke about it till were blue in the face,medicine isnt helping,docs dont seem too interested. Even things like cuddling and kisses are disappering. Should i feel bad for masterbating because that takes the pressure off of my wife? im new here so i hope ive put this across as much as i can? Any advice would be fantastic as weve tried everything.
 
A

A-miss-Saved-by-GRACE

Guest
#2
#2
My dear brother in CHRIST. I message you as a concerned sister in CHRIST you need
To go back to our LORDS word in this particular situation, for you to masturbate you are committing sin against our LORD. Masturbation is a form of sexual immorality a very very dangerous sin. I have provided below some versus below, please no that
1 Corinthians 10:13
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Now satan wants you to give into the desires of your flesh and sin, I have provided you with the truth. You now have a choice to obey GOD or disobey him. Also brother please Proverbs 3
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
7 Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.
1 Corinthians 7
3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband.
4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Ephesians 5
25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,
27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Colossians 3
18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Pray for your wife and continue being obedient to our LORD, I will pray for your wife and for you.
Remember the LORD is in control you now have what GOD says your choice on how you proceed.

GOdbless you,
Grace And peace in CHRIST
Kylie
 
K

kenisyes

Guest
#3
#3
Take it from someone in his sixties. Most women lose their sex drive as they get older. They do not lose their love or their desire for affection. You need to work out a trading agreement. There's a lot you can do for each other that is not masturbating, and is love, and is a celebration of God in your lives. (If you really can't figure it out, pm me.). I know that sounds callous, but it does work, and is Scriptural (do not deny one another - I Cor. 7:4-5)
 
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nathan3

Guest
#4
#4
Sex should'nt be all there is to a marriage.It's going to disapear eventually might as well get used to it. And dont masterbate....... : / Maybe you two can take up a hobby like painting together or going out more often.
 
T

TexasHallelujahGal

Guest
#5
#5
Our lives are celibate and I can tell you from experience that masturbating will make it harder for you to wind down ...God is in control and while your not cheating on your wife here its still flesh to overcome ...sex is first for procreation. but also stress relief in the marriage bed when we don't match our partners drive it can be very hard on the one forced to sacrifice to match the lack of it . Just realize that celibacy is attainable and the injustice of it all is a lie love does not require sex .the more she does not feel pressed to end a cuddle session with sex the more cuddle you will see . at some point just being nude in the same area passes for sex and life goes on unconditional love sir ...pray you can love her like God loves her and you will be fine .cut way back on the masturbation until it is no longer a focus . God is god over all things in our experience.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#6
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#6
jason1970 said:
im a bit embarresed by this but as i have nowhere else to turn to i thought id ask u guys and girls for advice....! im married,both christians,but my wife sex drive is slowing down ...a lot...due to menapause and other stuff. Now i love my wife but i have a HIGH sex drive and i dont know what to do! Weve spoke about it till were blue in the face,medicine isnt helping,docs dont seem too interested. Even things like cuddling and kisses are disappering. Should i feel bad for masterbating because that takes the pressure off of my wife? im new here so i hope ive put this across as much as i can? Any advice would be fantastic as weve tried everything.
Click to expand...
I really feel for you, brother. I would say for now be thankful that you have a loving wife, but here is some information from a medical website that may be helpful to both of you concerning menopause and sex drive and some ways to deal with it that may improve the situation. God bless.

Menopause and Sex: Sexual Problems, Causes, and Treatments
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#7
#7
nathan3 said:
Sex should'nt be all there is to a marriage.It's going to disapear eventually might as well get used to it. And dont masterbate....... : / Maybe you two can take up a hobby like painting together or going out more often.
Click to expand...
He never said it was all there was to marriage, thats an exaggeration of his point. He has a sex drive and his wife no longer does. Wanting to find a way to work this out doesn't mean he's making it 'all there is'. Sex is a part of marriage. Period. Even in the bible it says if you can't control your urges, get married. Also, the bible says not to with hold sex from one another, so the bible even makes a point of expressing the importance of sex in marriage.
Also, its not true that 'sex eventually disappears'. There are many older couples that still have a sex life. And for that to dry up in your early 40's is rough.
 
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tenderhearted

Guest
#8
#8
Hello,

Yes, a mans needs sexual intimacy, but a woman needs intimate conversation. Do you communicate with her well? Are you a good listener? If this need for intimate conversation is not met a women shuts down.

Another need for women is openness and honesty. Are you willing to share you life with your wife? Are you sharing your thoughts and emotions with her? Have you been open with her about your masturbation issue?

Also, helping around the house helps too. This is also a form of affection toward her. By taking care of her needs first you may see a change in the way she responds to you.

Also, I don't think that your masturbation issue has anything to do with you wife not meeting your needs. You may have a stronghold in your life. Until you repent and give this to the Lord, the situation with your wife may not change. God loves you don't feel condemned. :)
 
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shekaniah

Guest
#9
#9
Prayers sent for you and your wife to have wisdom.
God Bless, Shekaniah
 
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psychomom

Guest
#10
#10
We call sex 'making love', right? :)

The way my husband makes love to me when I'm ill and in pain, or just so tired, is to let me sleep. ♥

If your wife were here, I'd be saying different things. :)

Praying for you both-
-ellie
 
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kenisyes

Guest
#11
#11
psychomom said:
We call sex 'making love', right? :)

The way my husband makes love to me when I'm ill and in pain, or just so tired, is to let me sleep. ♥

If your wife were here, I'd be saying different things. :)

Praying for you both-
-ellie
Click to expand...
Ah, the voice of experience.
 
O

oOfallen_angelOo

Guest
#12
#12
jason1970 said:
im a bit embarresed by this but as i have nowhere else to turn to i thought id ask u guys and girls for advice....! im married,both christians,but my wife sex drive is slowing down ...a lot...due to menapause and other stuff. Now i love my wife but i have a HIGH sex drive and i dont know what to do! Weve spoke about it till were blue in the face,medicine isnt helping,docs dont seem too interested. Even things like cuddling and kisses are disappering. Should i feel bad for masterbating because that takes the pressure off of my wife? im new here so i hope ive put this across as much as i can? Any advice would be fantastic as weve tried everything.
Click to expand...
It all boils down to self - control from a religious stand point.

Since our bodies are from the earth, the hormones and physical sexual urges we have are natural. However, it is a testament to one to exercise self - control with the flesh which the bible calls the " sinful nature."

I would definitely pray with all heart and soul to God, that he will help your body to manage these urges; he of course is the creator, and thus the only one who knows what triggers such a high sexual drive in you. Likewise, he can tame if you ask him.

It will also take some self - control on your part, that is, trying to avoid situations that get you riled up, or looking into ways to help yourself to mentally overcome.

I'm not 100% sure about masturbation and if it's really a sin or not; but if it will help you begin to get the balance you need here and control, it's a start I'd figure.

But most of all, just pray; ask God to really help you with this, and then put in the effort on your half to show that your willing to overcome this urging of the flesh :)

God Bless and I will keep you in prayer ^^
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#13
#13
oOfallen_angelOo said:
I'm not 100% sure about masturbation and if it's really a sin or not; but if it will help you begin to get the balance you need here and control, it's a start I'd figure.
Click to expand...
If you don't know if it is a sin or not, why would you encourage someone to do it? You may very well be encouraging someone to sin.
 
D

dee123

Guest
#14
#14
It's cool that you're asking for help... I think it's a great thing to care about what you can do that's pleasing to God, etc.

Have you told your wife EXACTLY what you just told us? Everything? Even about the cuddling and kissing... and how it's disappearing but you don't want it to? Have you expressed your true feelings to her?

I'd say be completely honest with her... honesty is cool, ask her what she thinks about it.

I've heard before that what 'orgasm' is for a man, 'talking' is to a woman... Try listening to her a lot-- since this might take self-sacrifice on your part, you show you love her. Take an interest in wooing your woman again... like in the beginning. Go out on dates. LISTEN to her. Surprise doing things daily that show LOVE... sometimes it's a turn off when the only time a husband will come close only for sex. How about true 1cor 13 love? This is what God wants.

Fasting will help you gain self-control in this area.
 
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psychomom

Guest
#15
#15
kenisyes said:
Ah, the voice of experience.
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For the sake of honesty, those were Mark's words. :)

When I asked him one morning shortly after our 30th anniversary why he hadn't waked me when he came to bed the night before, that's what he told me--that he had wanted to make love to me, and so he did it that way.

Not that I'd want him to do that every night... ;)
 
Bookends

Bookends

Senior Member
#16
Aug 28, 2012
4,225
99
48
#16
I been there friend.

Matthew 11:28
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

I pray that the Lord would change your desire for self-gratification to a desire to Seek the Lord.
 
K

kenisyes

Guest
#17
#17
psychomom said:
For the sake of honesty, those were Mark's words. :)

When I asked him one morning shortly after our 30th anniversary why he hadn't waked me when he came to bed the night before, that's what he told me--that he had wanted to make love to me, and so he did it that way.

Not that I'd want him to do that every night... ;)
Click to expand...
Boy, all those openings. And I'm going to pass up everyone of them. I'll just say:

Oh the voiceS of experience.
 
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