How do I forgive someone who has hurt me?

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Sophia-95

Guest
#1
#1
I was just praying today about relationships and had a little breakdown lol and felt God say to me I must forgive first before he brings the man he has chosen for me into my life .
To cut long story short I was involved with a non Christian guy who has played me for 4 years. He's made me so insecure and has broken my heart completely. He has made me go from the girl who had dreams about her prince charming to the girl who just settles for anything just to feel loved. I feel God is telling me to not lower my standards and that I will have my fairytale but I must forgive and forget and he wants me to regain all my confidence but I feel like its impossible. Which steps do you take to forgive someone. (I'm not prepared to have any sort of communications with the boy. He has his gf and kids I'd rather not give people the wrong idea)
 
ChandlerFan

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
#2
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
102
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#2
Hey Sophia, I'm sorry to hear that you've been so broken apart by this guy. I guess I just wanted to start by saying that I would be careful about getting into the mindset of "If I do [insert action here], God will give me a godly husband." God doesn't owe any of us a spouse and it is such an incredible act of grace on His part to give us one at all. So do what you feel He's asking of you because He's worthy of your obedience rather than as a means to end (in this case, marriage).

I think it's really cool that you want to forgive this guy, and I also know that it's so hard. I think something that helps a lot with this is to keep in mind all of the things that God has forgiven you of. I believe it was C.S. Lewis who said something to the effect that forgiveness is pardoning the inexcusable in someone else because God has pardoned the inexcusable in you.

From there, you really just have to ask God to change your heart and work to the point where you don't hold anything against this guy whatsoever. It's okay not to be in contact with him or trust him again, but forgiveness is really getting to the point where you don't hold anything against him or want to make him pay for what he did. Ultimately God will judge him for his actions here on earth, and that will be a whole heck of a lot scarier than anything you could do to him now.

Also keep in mind that while forgiveness can be a one-time decision, sometimes it's not. It's really a matter of waking up every morning and choosing once again to forgive the person who wronged you. I know this is all much easier said and done, but I also believe that you can do it with God's help. I wish you all the best :)
 
blue_ladybug

blue_ladybug

Senior Member
#3
Feb 21, 2014
70,869
9,601
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#3
Sophia-95 said:
I was just praying today about relationships and had a little breakdown lol and felt God say to me I must forgive first before he brings the man he has chosen for me into my life .
To cut long story short I was involved with a non Christian guy who has played me for 4 years. He's made me so insecure and has broken my heart completely. He has made me go from the girl who had dreams about her prince charming to the girl who just settles for anything just to feel loved. I feel God is telling me to not lower my standards and that I will have my fairytale but I must forgive and forget and he wants me to regain all my confidence but I feel like its impossible. Which steps do you take to forgive someone. (I'm not prepared to have any sort of communications with the boy. He has his gf and kids I'd rather not give people the wrong idea)
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Sophia, if this jerk has been playing you for 4 years, he will CONTINUE to play you until you put a stop to it!! God says we must forgive others, so that we may be forgiven. God has a plan AND a man for you. Don't "settle for anything" to feel loved. Settle for the man that GOD has for you!! It's hard to forget when someone does something to hurt us, but it IS necessary to forgive them. Cut all ties with this guy now and listen to God and prepare yourself for what he has in store for you. :) In life, you have to kiss alot of frogs before your prince comes along!! LOL. :) But God knows exactly who your prince is, and you will meet him soon.
 
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Roughsoul

Guest
#4
#4
Hey Sofia-95,

It starts with prayer pray for Jesus to help give you the strength to forgive your ex. Then imagine Jesus taking your pain and releasing it to the far ends of the universe. It no longer has control over you. Gods love for you is all you need to focus on because his love alone will heal your pain and deep scars. The devil loves to watch you hold a grudge or hold all that pain inside he wants you to settle for less so you can set your self up for failure in a relationship. Girl if you want that prince charming don't ever settle for less trust in God he will find the one he has matched for you so be patient and stay in his word.

Roughsoul.
 
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Sophia-95

Guest
#5
#5
Thank you all! Done some praying and crying and feel so relieved! May god bless you all!
 
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Ella85

Senior Member
#6
May 9, 2014
1,414
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#6
Hey Sophia -
I was in a similar situation, all I can say is in time you will see you don't need him.
Forming a relationship with Christ is all I need right now. Sad part is I was engaged so it was very hard, thought I had my life planned out for me but God had a different agenda. Trust in him with all your heart, just because you don't see it now you will eventually and when you do see it you will look back and think gosh God is REALLY smart! He puts things in our lives together so perfectly and when your eyes are open to it you will know truly just how special our Lord really is. Smile be happy there is a lot to live for and a lot more happiness yet to come your way. God Bless. xx
 
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