How should I help?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
santuzza

santuzza

Senior Member
#1
Feb 12, 2013
1,609
38
48
#1
I have a relative who is really down on his luck. He was laid-off over two years ago and has been unable to find work. He is now on the brink of being homeless.

I want to invite him to live with me and my husband until he can get back on his feet, but, honestly, I don't know him very well (his family and mine were estranged until I reached out to him a few years ago). Also, my husband and I are not exactly rolling in the dough either (I was laid off a couple of years ago, but have found part time work to get us by).

I should also say that I don't believe my relative is a Believer.

So, what do you all think? How should I help?
 
H

hattiebod

Guest
#2
#2
santuzza said:
I have a relative who is really down on his luck. He was laid-off over two years ago and has been unable to find work. He is now on the brink of being homeless.

I want to invite him to live with me and my husband until he can get back on his feet, but, honestly, I don't know him very well (his family and mine were estranged until I reached out to him a few years ago). Also, my husband and I are not exactly rolling in the dough either (I was laid off a couple of years ago, but have found part time work to get us by).

I should also say that I don't believe my relative is a Believer.

So, what do you all think? How should I help?
Click to expand...
I think it is wonderful you are considering this but it could backfire badly. You say you do not know if he is a believer? and this could have implications...also about the estrangement from the family...I work with the homeless in the UK so I am not in a position to advise re the US but I think often relatives mean well and so want to help but can sometimes enable the person to stay stuck, but safe. There is then not drive to get their lives sorted out. Here we do have accommodation (not luxury!) and many different agencies that support people to get back on their feet re their debt re-payments and managing their limited benefits, in finding a home and setting up in it. In the end, its about independence, would you be taking that away from him by giving him the easy way out of this or giving him the room to find a better way forward. I would advise you to continue to be there for him of course :) supporting him as he finds his way through this...but maybe not actually provide a home for him until you really think through the repercussions. It could be that by offering him a place to stay you are able to assist him to turn his life around...we need to believe that is possible but you also need to be realistic. If he stayed with you, would he agree to accompany you to church as 'part of the deal' ? You would need to be firm with ground rules, helping with chores, laundry, taking his turn to cook, clean the home etc. Then it could possibly be productive. You and your husband just need to really pray about this, explore all the options and what will be best, not easiest and be totally united in the road ahead and with your expectations. What if it goes wrong? what could go wrong? If it does go wrong, it could be all the more damaging for him in the long run. I wish you all the very best. God Bless you. <><
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
The relevance of his being a believer should have no bearing. The key to this is making sure he understands the rules of your home, and that he is expected to follow them. Also that he needs to continue searching for a job. Perhaps even have a written statement and have him sign. Many people don't like doing that, but a lot of people learn the hard way its a good idea.
So if he doesn't keep looking for work, or follow the house rules, then he will understand he will be asked to leave.
Otherwise, it seems a nice thing to do if you believe you can pull it off.
 
B

BarlyGurl

Guest
#4
#4
Being a believer has no bearing. even believers can have incompatable lifestyles so whether you and your husband can accomadate your relative is at your discretion. If you can accomadate him like a boarding house does... I would lean toward that. I see you live in the US so I am wondering how a man cannot find any work... I would be more inclined to say to him... we will give you a room to stay with us as a guest in our home if you get a job... as in any job... and he has to keep it in order to stay with you as well as live by your house rules. It is not healthy or right for men to not work as GOd appointed them to do that and being a christian is also irrelavant in this matter.
 
A

Ariel82

Guest
#5
#5
what does your husband say?
 
A

answers

Guest
#6
#6
Before opening your home, I would fully talk and listen to your husband. Next, I would help your relative apply for positions, build resumes, look into support for them whether government assistance or charity, and find out if there is any drug or alcohol abuse to find adequate help for them. After all doors have been explored, and of course your husband is willing to have his home shared, I would set boundaries and a time frame.

With all that said, I have had my mom, and two brothers living with my family in the past and no matter the stress, inconvenience, and annoyance I would never turn away someone in need. The experience puts stress on your marriage, but it also teaches tons if you are open for the challenge.

Maybe, God would like your christian views to be shared with this family member. God helps those who help themselves, and if he/she does not know Christ then how could they help themselves correctly. Just a thought :)
 
B

BarlyGurl

Guest
#7
#7
>>>> God helps those who help themselves, and if he/she does not know Christ then how could they help themselves correctly. Just a thought<<<<

NOWHERE is this philosophy found in the bible. :(
 
santuzza

santuzza

Senior Member
#8
Feb 12, 2013
1,609
38
48
#8
Thanks for all the input. I made an offer to him, but he decided not to take us up on it at this time. Probably for the best.
 
B

BarlyGurl

Guest
#9
#9
how about that??... non issue!!
 
A

answers

Guest
#10
#10
BarlyGurl said:
>>>> God helps those who help themselves, and if he/she does not know Christ then how could they help themselves correctly. Just a thought<<<<

NOWHERE is this philosophy found in the bible. :(
Click to expand...

You are absolutely right about this not being found in the bible. I was merely saying that one cannot be expected to do things right by The Lord without knowing what The Lord wants them to do. I guess, I should have specified where I was coming from, someone who knows Christ helps themselves by walking in the lords word. Sorry for the confusion.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.