^Clearly this guy isn't here to help so it's better just to ignore those types.
Ceesmith, I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with such a hard situation in your marriage right now. First of all, I just want to say that you should know that your husband's sin does not say anything about who you are or your self-worth. Don't allow the enemy to creep in and cause you to believe any lies about yourself that aren't true as a result of this.
As for your husband, I would gently but firmly continue to challenge your husband to take steps to cut this sin out of his life. It is true that it really is a psychological addiction on some level, so it may take some time, but it's totally possible to break free from it. He just needs to be all about breaking free. Jesus basically said that if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. That's kind of a gross metaphor, but the point is that we're to take whatever measures we need to in order to cut sin out of our life and put us in the best place to resist temptation.
It's also important to remember that this is not just about modifying behavior, but about his mind being renewed and his heart being changed. Even if you cut off internet access and took away every computer and television, an addict will still find a loophole unless his heart is being changed and his mind is being renewed.
Here are some resources and ideas that could help your husband in this situation:
-
Covenant Eyes - This is a program that you pay $9.99/month for (annoying that you have to pay, but totally worth it) that tracks viewing history and flags any inappropriate websites that are visited. It will then send a weekly e-mail to one or two accountability partners that he chooses, and they will know if he has visited any inappropriate sites. Covenant Eyes also offers an internet filter as well, but that will cost more money than they basic software.
-
Setting Captives Free - This site offers a few different free courses for people with various addictions. The one related to sexual purity is great because it walks you through biblical principles that can help lead to recovery, as well as asking accountability questions at the end of each lesson. When you start the course, you are also paired with a person online who you can communicate with via e-mail for purposes of accountability, questions, encouragement, etc. It's really a great tool.
-Books and blogs - There are some good and helpful books out there on this subject including
Pure Desire by Ted Roberts (I highly recommend this one),
Porn Nation, and
Why Good Men Are Tempted. There are also many blog posts out there that I have personally found to be extremely encouraging and helpful. There are others I'm sure, but just reading a few pages out of these books every day can help.
-Personal, face-to-face accountability - This I think is the most crucial and helpful one. I don't know if you and your husband are plugged into a church (if you aren't, I would really recommend trying to find one), but if you are, keep your eyes open for a man or a couple of men that your husband could reach out to in order to confess what he's going through and find some accountability. One of the most powerful things a person can have in their life is a friend who is willing to ask the hard questions out of love for the person's well-being. If you do nothing else, I would so highly recommend at least taking this step.
-Prayer - I know this is a cliche one, but prayer really is powerful. Pray for your husband that his desires would be centered on God, that he would develop a distaste and a disgust for pornography, that he might break free from it. And even lay your hands on him and pray for him out loud. That can be such a powerful thing. Also encourage him to pray. The more he prays for freedom, the more I truly believe that he gives himself the chance to break free from this addiction. Also just remember that if he has accepted Jesus into his life, he has been given the power in the Holy Spirit to break free from sin. It's just a matter of him surrendering himself to God and taking steps to put sin out of his life by limiting avenues by which he is tempted. War language really does apply well here. This is a complete dogfight that we are powerless to overcome on our own, which is why we need God. And his aim should be to make war against this sin and put it completely to death, lest it rob him of the good things God has given him in marriage with you and even his salvation.
