Husband is Drifting Away

[c61443017]

Oh, Donabel ... I am very sorry for your heart ache. Please understand that praying to God is not a lucky charm. You need to put Christ in your heart full center, He is #1, NOT YOUR HUSBAND. I sense you are from India and I have lots of India friends. Most of them are in IT and work for Wipro or Accenture. I love the India women and think they are the most beautiful women on the planet. The only thing I struggle with is that they are raised to put their husband up on this high pedal stool. No man deserves to be put up on a pedal stool unless his name is Jesus Christ.

Let your husband move on, I promise you he wont be happy. You love him and became dependent on him You became his servant, you trusted him and gave all of yourself to him and he is cheating on you. Have respect for yourself and be done. I would have done the same thing as you did on facebook but I also would try and sue the women who is cheating w/my husband. She is a home wrecker and she is just as guilty as he is but your husband I feel sorry for because he is really a stupid STUPID man.

DON'T LET YOUR HUSBAND MAKE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF. Say what an American women say, "There's the door don't let it hit you on the way out" -- DONE

I am praying for you, most Christians wouldn't respond the way I do but I'm telling you that I know your culture and I understand divorce is a bad thing and is sometimes blamed on the women. This is not your fault. If your parents set the both of you up blame them for giving you a stupid husband.

God Bless,
Send me an e-mail if you need to talk more.
[email protected]

Hi, I'm new here. I was hoping to get some advice on what to do about my husband who's ignoring me.

Let me give you a background story.

We've been together 12 years in total, but married only since 2006. We've always been very close, very dependent towards each other. Before he left for Dubai in 2010, our worlds revolved around each other, our kids, and Church.

October 2011, he started not to communicate with me and he stopped sending money to us all together. People were saying that that was a sign that he was cheating on me, but I refused to believe that he could cheat on me. I trusted him completely.

He came home for a vacation last March, apologized for misbehaving and explained why he acted the way he acted. He said it was because he spent so much time with his friends partying and boozing. He said he was stupid for doing that and that he was never going to do it again. I believed him and forgave him and moved on. I got pregnant.

He went back to Dubai in April. I didn't want him to go back. He didn't want to go back, but because his contract wasn't finished, he had to go back because we were being practical and we were thinking about our children and our finances.

June. NO COMMUNICATION FROM HIM WHATSOEVER, but he sent financial support.

July. One night I was being abnormally anxious about so many things, except the issues I was having with my husband, I wasn't even thinking about my husband! Something or someone, an almost audible voice, told me I should check my husband's inbox. I never check his inbox except for when he asks me to help him email something or access something from his inbox. Even then, when I decided to go into his inbox, I wasn't expecting to find anything, because I trusted him completely.

I WAS DEVASTATED when I saw multiple messages from a woman telling him she loves him "too". I investigated further and found that their relationship started since that OCTOBER, when he started not to communicate with me. And to make things worse, while he was home in March, I found that my husband was still communicating with her behind my back.

To say that I was angry would be the understatement of the century! I retaliated. I accessed his Facebook account and posted stuff on there to humiliate them both. I wanted them both to go to jail for their adulterous actions. I contacted the police, the courts, their employer but to no avail.

I cried, I prayed, I cried some more... I asked God to take control. I asked Him to just help me with the pain... I asked him to lead me to a place where I can find peace. Then an almost audible voice told me to BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD. As I was meditating on those words, peace came over me. I knew then, that my vengeance will come from God and that He will not leave me and that He will get me through this.

Everything I was reading points me to forgiveness. And to be honest, just the thought of forgiveness, gave me peace. My family was not supportive of my decision to forgive and to try and work things out with my husband, but I told them, this is where God was leading me and it was where I was finding peace.

I DECIDED TO FORGIVE HIM. We talked and talked. I cried some more and cried some more, but I forgave him and I am giving him the chance to make things right.

I told him that he cannot stay in Dubai another minute longer while he was so close to temptation. I was afraid of what the other woman could do or what could happen. To pacify me, he said he would come home as soon as he can so we can start over. But as days pass, it was pretty obvious that he didn't want to come home because he was absolutely humiliated about what happened and that he doesn't know how to face everyone who knows about what he's done.

I told him that I was going to be beside him and that I will hold his hands as he apologized to people and that what matters most is that we fix what we need to fix in our marriage together, not apart. He seemed to have been convinced and promised to come home in September as soon as he's served his 1 month resignation notice. However, it turns out that if he resigns, the company will not pay for his ticket to come home. He isn't earning a lot of money there, but better than what he can earn if he was in the Philippines.

September became November, then November became "I'm not ready to come home"

I told him that as long as we are apart, we will not be able to work on our broken marriage and that things will just be worse. He asked for me to give him a little trust even though he knows that's a long shot. I told him, okay and that he can come home whenever he feels he's ready. As far as when that is, I don't know. I asked him the only thing I need is for you to communicate with me constantly. He promised that he will do that. But he keeps going back on his word, taking back whatever hope and whatever peace I have.

Now, how do I interpret his actions? I know that he isn't a man of his word. What do I do about it. I want to stop hurting. I want to stop crying. I just want to move on, but I don't want to give up on him....

I'm pregnant and I'm depressed and I'm always crying... What should I do?

Please pray for me and my husband. My name is Donabel and my husband is Anthony.

Thank you so much!!!

 

[krs27]

YOU WILL DEFINITELY BE IN MY PRAYERS!!!!!! I'M SORRY YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS, NO WOMAN SHOULD BE TREATED LIKE THAT!!!!! I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO BLAME YOURSELF FOR YOUR HUSBANDS ACTIONS. I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THAT YOU WANT YOUR HUSBAND TO CHANGE AND YOUR MARRIAGE TO WORK BUT HE HAS TO WANT TO CHANGE. YOU MAY DISAGREE WITH ME I FEEL YOU SHOULD ASK GOD FOR STRENGTH TO MAKE YOU STRONG SO YOU CAN MOVE FORWARD, DON'T BE WEAK AND LET YOUR HUSBAND TELL YOU THINGS YOU WANNA HEAR...YOU SHOULD OF NEVER TOLD HIM HE CAN "COME HOME WHEN HE IS READY".BECAUSE NOW YOU SAID HE'S NOT COMING HOME UNTIL JUNE 2013..THAT'S NOT FAIR TO YOU OR THE KIDS, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE BOTH MOMMY AND DADDY...I BELIEVE GOD IS ALWAYS TESTING US, SOMETIMES GOD WILL PUT US IN A RUFF SITUATION BEFORE WE CAN GET TO A GOOD SITUATION...I'M SURE GOD HAS SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOU

 

[psychomom]

I'm just so sorry...I sorrow and weep with you over all of this.

I wish I had some fantastic thing to say to you, beloved, but please believe that I lift your needs to our Lord, and I believe with all my heart that He hears us. He is not unaware of your plight! He sees you, and He loves each of you. Hang on to Him; keep Jesus your focus as much as you possibly can.

I am so happy you have updated us, and I pray you will continue to do so. We will pray for you, dear one!
with love in Jesus,
ellie

 

[thanksJesus]

God will be with you whatever happens. Cry to Him . He and only He knows how deeply you and your children need him. God sees your tears, He knows it all and He will answer. Keep on praying and one day , all the mountains will go down and you ll see your husband back. Just keep on praying for him and the tears God will change them in laught,

 

[Icantstoplovinghim]

Praying for you both donabel

 

[DonAraBel]

Thank you all for your advice. Sister, c61443017, I'm not from India. Just to correct. I appreciate your advice though. Thank you!

Thank you for all your prayers. I'm touched by your caring words and your sympathy. Please don't stop remembering us in your prayers!

Love,

Dona

 

[xXTroubleXx]

I think you need to give up on him, because he has obviously given up on you. You deserve better. Your child deserves better. You can still forgive him and leave him at the same time. He was the one who put YOU in this position, not the other way around. It's obvious from your post that you know he's "not a man of his word", and if you can honestly admit that, then the right thing to do is, unfortunately, going to be the hardest thing to do. But if he was willing and able to carry out an affair like this for as long as he did while simultaneously telling you he would fix things only to go back on his word, then what kind of future can you possibly expect from him? People change. That is a cold, hard fact of life. Some people change in a way that makes a marriage grow, while others do the opposite. I think it is important at this point to worry about yourself and your child. Your husband sounds more concerned at the fact that he's going to be humiliated. If he really loves you then he should come home IN SPITE of the fact that he humiliated himself.

Don't be so forgiving that you're willing to let him take advantage of you as a human being. This is what he's doing to you right now. The sooner you can get yourself out of this, the sooner you can move on from it. Staying in this limbo of "is he cheating on me, when will he come home" is only going to get worse over time. The damage is done. He has wounded you and now you have to heal yourself, because it seems like he's not interested in healing you. You have friends and family who care and will help you. Focus on them and the love that other people show you. Don't hang on to someone who is clearly not putting your best interests first in a situation HE created.

This is what I would do in your position. You are free to disagree with me.

 

[xXTroubleXx]

I also want to add...

I'm not a Christian... but if you do believe in God, then I think it is not unreasonable for you to believe that God will heal you and help you even if you choose to leave your husband. If you choose not to, then I'm sure your beliefs will give you some comfort as well as your friends and family. It would just be a real shame for you to continue to raise a child with someone who could inflict so much pain on you, especially now that you will never have a guarantee that he will never do this again. I am only speaking from my perspective. If you are willing to work through this, then I wish you the best, because I know I would have none of it. I just really want to emphasize that there is no shame in the possibility of leaving this situation. However, if you feel that you want to stay in this and work through it whenever he feels like showing up again, then that is by all means your choice, and no matter what happens you should at the very least keep your friends and family very close to you for support.

Keep us updated, and stay strong! Take charge of this situation in every way you can!

 

[shekaniah]

Prayers sent again...