I also need some advice.

[HeIsHere]

Thank you for your advice. It might not come as a surprise to you that letting it go is easier said than done, but I am working on it for sure as far as I can.
However,whether we like it or not the world we live in does require us to live up to timeliness, manners and other social and professional protocols. Everyday execution of this is made a whole lot harder when simple tasks are an unnecessary struggle. God knows I hold my tongue. And I am actively seeking non confrontational ways of handling this while getting the desired result both with our child and his father.
I agree with you that learning when I was a toddler seemed a lot less formal. Education systems differ across countries and regions. Here our government sends workbooks to the nursery schools that are expected to be completed in Math, Writing Skills and Literacy. I don't expect my toddler to spend an hour with book and pen in hand. Certainly not! A puzzle to reinforce shapes here, a printable with a bit of tracing and colouring there and perhaps a picture study to reinforce the social concepts taught during the week. We may count and group a few items by colour, shape or size and not all at once either. My goal is for him to participate at home in a few activities to remind him what is being taught.

I am shifting my thinking a bit, it may not be as personal as wanting to undermine your authority but rather that he has a different parenting style perhaps due to his own upbringing, he may see your approach as too restrictive and demanding.

You are in the situation so you are best able to determine motivations etc.,

Toddlers are known to go through a phase of asserting their independence so bear that in mind, it is important to provide choice and a sense of their own control.

 

[Ali]

I am shifting my thinking a bit, it may not be as personal as wanting to undermine your authority but rather that he has a different parenting style perhaps due to his own upbringing, he may see your approach as too restrictive and demanding.

You are in the situation so you are best able to determine motivations etc.,

Toddlers are known to go through a phase of asserting their independence so bear that in mind, it is important to provide choice and a sense of their own control.

I truly believe it's a bit of both the undermining as well as the guilty parenting. He is a very "old school" man when it comes to who is in charge in the house.
It may have started as guilty parenting and then evolved into the former. Either way it's a problem simply because of the mixed messages it sends to our son.
I am simply asking for compliance in the things that are necessary for normal life. Things that HAVE to be done. I am not asking for anything stringent or rigid.
Imagine if you will...a toddler without a bedtime that watches shows on his tablet until he falls asleep, if it's taken away he cries. Then he is too sleepy to get up in the morning and has to be woken up twenty times and taken to the bathroom to brush his teeth to which he will protest fifteen more minutes. After throwing himself down on the ground and running to find his dad they curl back up for hugs and if you are lucky in another ten minutes he emerges to tell you he will brush it later.
At breakfast time he wants chips and refuses to eat anything else . In the spirit of compromise you offer some chips along with what was prepared. He eats the chips and very little else. You know he will be hungry before snack time in school.
Shower and dressing time is an agonizing 50 minutes or more full of interruptions and "I don't want to" tantrums broken up by " why do you have the kid crying so much?" And "Daddy save me", "Jesus save me I don't want to"
And of course multiple breaks for " comforting".
Once dressed you instruct him to sit and wait for a few minutes while you ensure the house is locked up and the appliances switched off and cameras and alarm are on and set, but by the time you get that done he has gotten into something that gets his uniform all messy and you've got to change him before school.
You arrive at work in time by a hairs- breadth and just sit in the office for twenty minutes to catch a break.
Now I know parenting isn't easy, and lots such scenarios exist the world over, but the difference is "are the parents in it together?"
It's solely my responsibility to prepare meals and do housework and do the necessary things for the daily functioning of our home and the people in it, shopping, laundry, bath times etc.
I feel like I just can't go on when my husband quite carelessly refuses to lend even his verbal support with our son to make things work.

 

[Ali]

I truly believe it's a bit of both the undermining as well as the guilty parenting. He is a very "old school" man when it comes to who is in charge in the house.
It may have started as guilty parenting and then evolved into the former. Either way it's a problem simply because of the mixed messages it sends to our son.
I am simply asking for compliance in the things that are necessary for normal life. Things that HAVE to be done. I am not asking for anything stringent or rigid.
Imagine if you will...a toddler without a bedtime that watches shows on his tablet until he falls asleep, if it's taken away he cries. Then he is too sleepy to get up in the morning and has to be woken up twenty times and taken to the bathroom to brush his teeth to which he will protest fifteen more minutes. After throwing himself down on the ground and running to find his dad they curl back up for hugs and if you are lucky in another ten minutes he emerges to tell you he will brush it later.
At breakfast time he wants chips and refuses to eat anything else . In the spirit of compromise you offer some chips along with what was prepared. He eats the chips and very little else. You know he will be hungry before snack time in school.
Shower and dressing time is an agonizing 50 minutes or more full of interruptions and "I don't want to" tantrums broken up by " why do you have the kid crying so much?" And "Daddy save me", "Jesus save me I don't want to"
And of course multiple breaks for " comforting".
Once dressed you instruct him to sit and wait for a few minutes while you ensure the house is locked up and the appliances switched off and cameras and alarm are on and set, but by the time you get that done he has gotten into something that gets his uniform all messy and you've got to change him before school.
You arrive at work in time by a hairs- breadth and just sit in the office for twenty minutes to catch a break.
Now I know parenting isn't easy, and lots such scenarios exist the world over, but the difference is "are the parents in it together?"
It's solely my responsibility to prepare meals and do housework and do the necessary things for the daily functioning of our home and the people in it, shopping, laundry, bath times etc.
I feel like I just can't go on when my husband quite carelessly refuses to lend even his verbal support with our son to make things work.

Also let me add that I am as doting and caring as the next mom who waited five years for her first and only child.
Because I have more of a stable, year round job, I am the one that splurges on the expensive toys and presents and big birthday parties. I am the one that loves to order the cute outfits and plans the trips to kid themed events and parks.
But I do it from a different place not from a place of him demanding it by throwing a tantrum or trying to get his way by crying about nothing.
I honestly feel that the lesson our toddler is leaving with is that the way to get what he wants is to throw a tantrum until the other person gives in.