J
I'm Jaden, a 19 year old male looking for some place where I could take off some load off my heart. Although I believe I belong on the 'teens' page but I kinda need some mature views on this.
Here's a little background about me. I didn't grow up in a Christian environment. The activities I do, and engage in are most of the time deemed ungodly. I'm a rebel, not like those gothic kinds, more like those who parties, drinks excessively, smokes, I'm one who goes against my parents when they try to put a leash on me that sort of thing. But it was through rebelling I've gotten into Christ (they objected having a Christian at home). I used to be strong and positive. People called me a contraindication to Christianity, a sinful child. I may be one that smokes, have a tattoo up my leg, but I am the one too, who prays every time before meals, every night, every morning, and whenever I see someone in pain.
As you know, World Cup just ended and at the place where I live, betting is highly popular. I know I should never have tried but I fell to temptation. All I wanted was some extra money for my much awaited road trip next year. I ended up losing yet I kept trying even though I knew I was sinning. I'm so afraid that God might be pissed at my actions, being in debt of up to $700 (initially $1200) and then begging Him for help. I confess that I have stole some of the cash for payment and I felt so terrible for what I've done.
Thing is, money isn't exactly the issue here. I can't get over the fact that I've screwed up over and over and over again. I feel like I'm a mess, that there isn't really a future for someone like me. I admit I've contemplated suicide for the millionth time. I mean, what's the point if I never get to sort my life out? I'm too afraid to reach out this time, knowing the shame that awaits me. Small things like being late or simply forgetting my keys at home could get my eyes teary which shouldn't be the case. I'm afraid of what's happening and I feel so abandoned. I don't know what to do except looking to confide in Godly words? It's pretty much my last resort. I feel so done.
Here's a little background about me. I didn't grow up in a Christian environment. The activities I do, and engage in are most of the time deemed ungodly. I'm a rebel, not like those gothic kinds, more like those who parties, drinks excessively, smokes, I'm one who goes against my parents when they try to put a leash on me that sort of thing. But it was through rebelling I've gotten into Christ (they objected having a Christian at home). I used to be strong and positive. People called me a contraindication to Christianity, a sinful child. I may be one that smokes, have a tattoo up my leg, but I am the one too, who prays every time before meals, every night, every morning, and whenever I see someone in pain.
As you know, World Cup just ended and at the place where I live, betting is highly popular. I know I should never have tried but I fell to temptation. All I wanted was some extra money for my much awaited road trip next year. I ended up losing yet I kept trying even though I knew I was sinning. I'm so afraid that God might be pissed at my actions, being in debt of up to $700 (initially $1200) and then begging Him for help. I confess that I have stole some of the cash for payment and I felt so terrible for what I've done.
Thing is, money isn't exactly the issue here. I can't get over the fact that I've screwed up over and over and over again. I feel like I'm a mess, that there isn't really a future for someone like me. I admit I've contemplated suicide for the millionth time. I mean, what's the point if I never get to sort my life out? I'm too afraid to reach out this time, knowing the shame that awaits me. Small things like being late or simply forgetting my keys at home could get my eyes teary which shouldn't be the case. I'm afraid of what's happening and I feel so abandoned. I don't know what to do except looking to confide in Godly words? It's pretty much my last resort. I feel so done.
