Ok, I simply must bring up this book. I want to know how many of you read it and what you think of it. I read it when I was 18. I had been first published the year before. I wished I had read it when I was 13 or 14, when all my friends started dating. I gave a copy to my old church for their library and the pastor's wife, who reviewed it, said she wished she had it when she was a teenager.
It is, in a nutshell, an awesome book. The thesis of the book (in my own words) is that people who are young (under about 21) who get into serious relationships too often compromise themselves emotionally, physically and spiritually, and it's a better idea to wait until one can get married in the forseeable to get seriously involved with the opposite sex. Why shop if you can not yet afford to buy? That's just opening yourself up to temptation.
See, when I was a teenager, in youth group and other Christian books and stuff the message about dating was very clear. There were two rules: 1. don't have sex 2. only date Christians. Harris, who's about 6 or 7 years older than me, was raised on the same thing. He brought up the whole question emotional attachement and compromise and questioned the necessity of teenaged dating in the first place. For those of us who have been through serious relationships as teenagers, he said a lot of things that we felt needed to be said.
BUT, what really bothers me about I Kissed Dating Goodbye (hereafter referred to as IKDGB) is that people don't read it for what it is. What it is: a 21 year old guy saying, "I think teenagers dating is a bad thing because..." What some people think it is: "I have Biblical proof that dating is a sin." He's not a theologian or a relationship expert. He's just some guy sharing his views, Biblically grounded they may be.
The reality is that the Bible is not as clear on how we're supposed to go from single to married. I mean, it's very clear if I was an Old Testament Jewish woman, who's husband died before I could bear him children. In that case I'd have to marry my late husband's brother. But we're not Old Testament Jews, we're 21st century Chiristians who don't practice arranged marriage. A couple is expected to know each other and even be in love before marriage. See, the author, Joshua Harris says that dating is a very modern (20th century) concept. This is true. But, this doesn't make it a bad thing. Being in love before marriage is also a relatively modern concept, and yet pretty much everyone is in agreement that's a good thing. The other thing that I think is a factor in the modern world is that we know a lot more people over the course of our lives. I mean you look at a lot of the characters in books like Anne of Green Gables, Little Women and Little House on the Prarie, they people marry other poeple that they've known their entire lives. You didn't need to look for someone who also wanted kids (kids were inevitable), was a Chrsitian (if you were a Christian you were likely surrounded by other Chrisitans and being spiritually compatible wasn't as much of a priority). People probably didn't think as much about finding someone with the same values and ideas because those things varied so much less because there wasn't the same access to information. I mean, I have a well defined world view, and I want someone with similar views. But in the 19th century, I wouldn't have much of a world view. I wouldn't even be able to vote. I mean, I might have been a member of the Abolishionists or the WCTU, but if I wasn't married to a guy who passionately supported those causes, I probably wouldn't care.
