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This is my story, a story of a young girl who had it all: good looks; a great body and more money than she needed. Yes, I had it all; but then one morning I woke up and realized that I really had nothing.
I learned the hard way.
Back then, as with so many young girls today, I was looking for love, but I didn’t know where to find it. As the song goes, I was looking for love in all the wrong places – looking for love in all the wrong faces. I always knew that pre-marital sex was wrong, but I just ignored those feelings. My need and desire to “be wanted”, overruled any inhibitions I may have had in regards to what I was doing. But as time passed, and I got older, I began to realize that I was not getting the real love I was seeking. I started to feel used and worthless, as my life spiraled down into one of despair and depression. What follows are a few brief excerpts about the loneliness of my party-girl existence during my late teens and early twenties. It is my hope that by sharing some of the things I have learned, that my experiences will be of help to other girls and young women.
I have often wondered if women really like being treated as a sex object - as a thing - instead of a person. I can only speak from my own personal experience, having been there and remembering all the attention I used to get from guys who were only interested in my measurements and what they could get for their own temporary pleasure. They were such empty and shallow people who really cared nothing for me as a person. I was just a toy to them, something to play with. I remember many lonely nights when I felt so cold and empty. With all the supposed friends I had, I really had no one. My body had many admirers, but the real person inside that body had no one who cared for her.
I could have graced the pages of many porn magazines, as so many other girls have tragically done, but, fortunately for me, I never went down that road. In spite of my many failings, from a moral point of view, I did have one saving grace or habit. I was, and still am, an avid reader; I love books. This trait may well have been my salvation.
One day, when I was in a old book store, I came across a used copy of a book called "Dressing With Dignity"; It was a real eye opener, and was very instrumental in starting me down the path to a new lifestyle. After reading it, I was glad that I had resisted to temptation to get into body art – tattoos & piercing. Young girls don’t realize that tattoos are hard to remove and mark them for life. Our bodies are beautiful as God made them and we don’t need to “uglify” them just to try and bolster our weak personalities.
I started dressing very modestly and ladylike and was really surprised by the respect I received, and the different type of real gentlemen who noticed me, not for my body, but for the person I was. I will admit, however, that learning to dress like a lady was easy, learning to act like one was more difficult, but in time I was able to make the transition.
I now understand that a godless existence in pursuit carnal pleasures, sooner or later, leads only to a life of emptiness and despair. If one would doubt the truth of this statement, they need only investigate the short, high profile, life of Shannon Wilsey. I first learned of her when came across an internet article about dead porn stars & models. I was shocked to learn how many of these young girls died violent deaths.
The most tragic story, in my opinion, and the one that impacted me the most, was that of Shannon’s. Shannon Wilsey, better known as “Savannah”, entered the adult movie industry in 1991, making more than 100 adult videos. But the pornography industry that gave her her fame, also took her life. Shannon Wilsey died in the summer of 1994 from a self inflicted gun shot wound. She was only 23. A mere three years in the porn industry had destroyed this beautiful young woman. Unable to handle the pressures of her lifestyle, and apparently lacking any understanding of the real purpose of her life, she became just another victim of the false values that are foisted upon young girls today by our society.
The point I am making here is, that while our culture makes social “saints” out of all these glamorous people, and we glorify their exterior lives of sexual promiscuity and pleasure, in reality, most of their interior lives are in shambles. And it doesn’t matter whether we are famous, or just a little nobody, as I was, we can still get caught up in a lifestyle that is more than we can handle. When we put too much importance on looks, money, pleasure, or fame; and loose sight of a person’s real value, and what our purpose in life is all about, it only leads us to ruin. I thank God that He gave me the grace to change my life before I reached the point of no return.
Let me conclude with the hope that what I have written here will help prevent other girls from getting involved in a promiscuous lifestyle like I did; or if they are already in one, that they will have the courage, and good fortune, as I did, to leave it. Abstinence until marriage is by far the best choice. We should remember that no one ever died from a lack of sex - no one ever died from a case of “virginity”.
