M
it is a long one, so I am sorry....
I grew up in the Church of Christ churches. the churches i went to as a child were ultra conservative, and taught in ways that i believe were wrong. there was a boy at one of these churches that i adored from the age of 8. he was cruel to me, but i was that child that knew you forgive and love no matter what. So i let him torment me and prayed continuously for 9 years. when we were 17 he changed, became my friend. or so i thought. turned out he was dating my married sister whos husband was in Iraq at the time. I tried to look past this sin and love them both anyway. My sister asked me to go with her to her house to pack up and move back home. i went for a week to her house which was 5 hours away from home. This boy was there. they had arranged it to where he had the opportunity to sexually assault me. this boy was the preachers grandson. I left the church after this.....
2 years later i met the father of my two daughters. we were together and became pregnant before marriage. he had a lot of drug problems, which at the time for some reason i didnt care about. but when i found out i was pregnant i told him it all needed to stop. he ended up leaving us and moving 3 states away without a word when i was 8 months pregnant. our oldest was born without him there, and he did not meet her until i moved us out to where he was when she was 6 weeks old. we ended up getting married when she was 3 1/2 months old. we moved to the town we are currently in when she was 6 months. I became a member of the most amazing church i have ever found. it is also a church of Christ. My husband continued to have issues with drugs, and endangering our daughter. he left her home alone at 2 years old, he stole money from me when i was the only one working, so he could buy his drugs. we separated for about a week in 2012 but then i let him come back because he had nowhere else to go, he promised yet again that he would stop and be the father and husband he needed to be. I was at this point about 5 or 6 months pregnant with our youngest. he was there for the birth of our youngest.
back in April of 2013 my sister, who live on the other side of the state we are in told me she could get him a job down there, so i sent him on the bus to go down there. after a few weeks he got a job and i took the girls and moved down there. we lived there for 5 weeks and while we were there he was baptized, but i couldnt take it anymore, i missed my church family, and my home.... so we came back and he got transferred. a few weeks after being back in town i started noticing drug remnants and pipes and stuff around the house. he tried to lie about it. i took what i found to the elders and to one of the ministers that he is friends with. i begged for their help. they tried talking to him, but after a few weeks i found the remnants of his drugs in my baby's mouth. when i went to the minister about it he brushed it off like it was nothing. So i packed up my girls and we went to stay in a shelter. after 5 weeks i felt pressured to go back home so i did. he started going to drug counselling and was going to church every once in a while. but i still didnt trust him. i wouldnt leave the girls alone with him, i started working and we started fighting more and more. he told me sometime in november that he was going to move out on December 5th of 2013. I went before the church and told them of his decision, and asked for prayers, advise and support to know how to handle this situation in the best way. most were understanding, and knew that me not stopping him from leaving was in the best interest of our children. but some, like the minister he is friends with, hate me for it. they say that i made him an outcast in the church and that i have prevented him from grown spiritually.
He moved out on December 5th of 2013, and to protect my children i got legal aid to help me in filing for sole managerial conservator-ship, and him getting supervised visits, and with filing for a divorce. he has since dated at least one other woman that i know of. i have seen countless text messages and email that he has sent to other women that are of sexual content, and he has always had an issue with pornography.
I am torn.... i have so many people who support and love me, but i want to be doing what is right by God. Yes i know divorce is not what God wants. but i believe that God wants me to protect my children. I tried for 4 years to make it work with this man. i tried to seek the help of others. i have asked God countless times to change him. but at some point i had to say enough is enough.
Am i wrong to protect my children before saving my marriage? Was I wrong for filing for divorce? do i not have the right to move on from this and have hope that me and my girls will have a better future? yes i pray and hope that he becomes who he needs to be but i just cant be with him anymore.... is that wrong?
I grew up in the Church of Christ churches. the churches i went to as a child were ultra conservative, and taught in ways that i believe were wrong. there was a boy at one of these churches that i adored from the age of 8. he was cruel to me, but i was that child that knew you forgive and love no matter what. So i let him torment me and prayed continuously for 9 years. when we were 17 he changed, became my friend. or so i thought. turned out he was dating my married sister whos husband was in Iraq at the time. I tried to look past this sin and love them both anyway. My sister asked me to go with her to her house to pack up and move back home. i went for a week to her house which was 5 hours away from home. This boy was there. they had arranged it to where he had the opportunity to sexually assault me. this boy was the preachers grandson. I left the church after this.....
2 years later i met the father of my two daughters. we were together and became pregnant before marriage. he had a lot of drug problems, which at the time for some reason i didnt care about. but when i found out i was pregnant i told him it all needed to stop. he ended up leaving us and moving 3 states away without a word when i was 8 months pregnant. our oldest was born without him there, and he did not meet her until i moved us out to where he was when she was 6 weeks old. we ended up getting married when she was 3 1/2 months old. we moved to the town we are currently in when she was 6 months. I became a member of the most amazing church i have ever found. it is also a church of Christ. My husband continued to have issues with drugs, and endangering our daughter. he left her home alone at 2 years old, he stole money from me when i was the only one working, so he could buy his drugs. we separated for about a week in 2012 but then i let him come back because he had nowhere else to go, he promised yet again that he would stop and be the father and husband he needed to be. I was at this point about 5 or 6 months pregnant with our youngest. he was there for the birth of our youngest.
back in April of 2013 my sister, who live on the other side of the state we are in told me she could get him a job down there, so i sent him on the bus to go down there. after a few weeks he got a job and i took the girls and moved down there. we lived there for 5 weeks and while we were there he was baptized, but i couldnt take it anymore, i missed my church family, and my home.... so we came back and he got transferred. a few weeks after being back in town i started noticing drug remnants and pipes and stuff around the house. he tried to lie about it. i took what i found to the elders and to one of the ministers that he is friends with. i begged for their help. they tried talking to him, but after a few weeks i found the remnants of his drugs in my baby's mouth. when i went to the minister about it he brushed it off like it was nothing. So i packed up my girls and we went to stay in a shelter. after 5 weeks i felt pressured to go back home so i did. he started going to drug counselling and was going to church every once in a while. but i still didnt trust him. i wouldnt leave the girls alone with him, i started working and we started fighting more and more. he told me sometime in november that he was going to move out on December 5th of 2013. I went before the church and told them of his decision, and asked for prayers, advise and support to know how to handle this situation in the best way. most were understanding, and knew that me not stopping him from leaving was in the best interest of our children. but some, like the minister he is friends with, hate me for it. they say that i made him an outcast in the church and that i have prevented him from grown spiritually.
He moved out on December 5th of 2013, and to protect my children i got legal aid to help me in filing for sole managerial conservator-ship, and him getting supervised visits, and with filing for a divorce. he has since dated at least one other woman that i know of. i have seen countless text messages and email that he has sent to other women that are of sexual content, and he has always had an issue with pornography.
I am torn.... i have so many people who support and love me, but i want to be doing what is right by God. Yes i know divorce is not what God wants. but i believe that God wants me to protect my children. I tried for 4 years to make it work with this man. i tried to seek the help of others. i have asked God countless times to change him. but at some point i had to say enough is enough.
Am i wrong to protect my children before saving my marriage? Was I wrong for filing for divorce? do i not have the right to move on from this and have hope that me and my girls will have a better future? yes i pray and hope that he becomes who he needs to be but i just cant be with him anymore.... is that wrong?
