I think I'm doomed

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J

Jordache

Guest
#1
#1
Not that I'm actively searching, but I'm not blind or dead either. I do not see myself dating for at least a year.
Am I the only one? I feel like my church has a shortage of really good men in my age group. I have lots of guy friends but they are all college students in their early 20's. Then there are a few divorcees with grown kids in the 40-50 range. What happened to all the 30-something's? Come on Prince Charming! I don't ask for much. You just have to go through a few rigorous tests by my very protective pastors, pass the best friend test, love Jesus and worshipping Him with all your heart, be passionate about something, be creative, be muscal, having a living and growIng relationship with The Lord, treat your women right, protect the weaker ones, generally just be a man, be humble, affectionate, compassionate, intelligent, honest yet loving, and patient; have a good job, pursue goals, be financially responsible, love children, desire to be a father, be willing to initiate, lead, pray, study, and learn in all contexts, strong enough to forsake the good thing for the God thing, pursue righteousness, and live an honorable life.
Is that too much to ask?

To be honest, I'm just waiting for any 30-35 yr old to walk through the doors of my church. We don't even have any to evaluate. And I'm a little tired of getting pursued by middle aged men with children my age who are all too frequently still married.
 
P

Powemm

Guest
#2
#2
Raises a single hand while God holds the other one :)
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#3
#3
Do you feel like you would also meet the standards of this prince charming fellow?

It appears as if you've been through a lot of things, sister, and as someone in the midst of a divorce, you have been presented this wonderful opportunity to lean on God with alllll of your heart and establish your own strength and identity. You ultimately know what's best for yourself, but I would cherish the time to pursue some of my own goals and make sure I was in a healthier frame of mind before jumping into something else too quickly. Just be careful.
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#4
#4
This is the problem in being in your 30s, or in that general range. The 20 somethings are single, but too young. There are the divorced 40 somethings, but too old. The catch is, many people are married in their 30s and it creates a 'shortage' or options. Even on CC its the same way. Its harder to find even regular friends in the 30 age range as most of them are in marriages and busy with their families and not coming on to chat. Its mostly 20's and 40+. The sad fact is, its just a bad age to be looking.
 
K

kenisyes

Guest
#5
#5
Jordache, you need a few months with Jesus.
 
Z

zaoman32

Guest
#6
#6
I don't plan on starting any relationship until I see women who will literally stop me in the tracks when I see her. I'm not just referring to looks, but also personality so don't think it's a shallow statement.

After I left my wife one of the first things I wanted was a new girlfriend, I never got one, thank God. As others on this site suggested, and what is working beautifully, is giving Jesus the emptiness in my life and growing in Him.

The last thing you want for a relationship is a load of baggage, the more recent the baggage the heavier it is.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#7
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#7
Jordache said:
Not that I'm actively searching, but I'm not blind or dead either. I do not see myself dating for at least a year.
Am I the only one? I feel like my church has a shortage of really good men in my age group. I have lots of guy friends but they are all college students in their early 20's. Then there are a few divorcees with grown kids in the 40-50 range. What happened to all the 30-something's? Come on Prince Charming! I don't ask for much. You just have to go through a few rigorous tests by my very protective pastors, pass the best friend test, love Jesus and worshipping Him with all your heart, be passionate about something, be creative, be muscal, having a living and growIng relationship with The Lord, treat your women right, protect the weaker ones, generally just be a man, be humble, affectionate, compassionate, intelligent, honest yet loving, and patient; have a good job, pursue goals, be financially responsible, love children, desire to be a father, be willing to initiate, lead, pray, study, and learn in all contexts, strong enough to forsake the good thing for the God thing, pursue righteousness, and live an honorable life.
Is that too much to ask?

To be honest, I'm just waiting for any 30-35 yr old to walk through the doors of my church. We don't even have any to evaluate. And I'm a little tired of getting pursued by middle aged men with children my age who are all too frequently still married.
Click to expand...
I think almost all men in their 30's fit into one of these 5 categories:

1. Married

2. Gay

3. Have decided they don't want to get married

4. Career incompatible with marriage (too much travel, too much overtime, has a job where he gets hit on by women a lot - bartender, massage therapist, work exposes them to toxic chemicals, etc..)

5. "Damaged goods" (not marriage material for one reason or another)

A lot of the married guys get divorced in their 40's so there is a lot of single, divorced 40+ guys around.
Also, I think a lot of the guys who didn't want to get married in their 30's change their mind after 40.
And I think a lot of the 'damaged goods' guys manage to turn their situation around by the time they reach their 40's.

But after all is said and done, there's still hope of you finding a great single guy in his 30's because with God all things are possible.
 
F

FireWire

Guest
#8
#8
I'm 40+ never been married and been in only one relationship (relatively recently). I was always one to buck the trend.
 
B

BrittanyJones

Guest
#9
#9
I try to use the time I am single to work on being that person you described wanting in a guy. I agree I want that too, but why give such a great guy myself, if I am not that also?
 
J

Jordache

Guest
#10
#10
People, people... I am not searching for a husband. I am not pursuing any sort of romantic relationships with men. I am the first I say that I have great pursuits right now, and I feel like I've humbly shared those pursuits with many of you before. Can I not share my observations and wonderings without people telling me I'm not ready to date? What's with the assumption that I'm seeking rather than just observing? I repeat: I am not looking for a soulmate... But there is something necessary in healing about observing the world around you, learning to interpret it in a different way, and pondering what God can do. I'm not stupid. I know I'm in the middle of a divorce. I also know I'm a prime target for all the desperate men in my church as I'm young, single, and in ministry.
So I plead with you all, pray for your leaders. In a spiritual sense, we are attacked so much and so harshly. But we are human, and we fall. In two years, on our team of about 20, there have been 5 divorces, 3 cases of infidelity, a leader falling in love with a team member, several deaths of very close family members, and three cancer diagnosis. I know these people and I believe that they strove for righteousness despite their failings. In most cases of sin, they came clean quickly and of their own choice. They accepted the consequences and followed all the church discipline. Of those who were caught, so to say, they also humbly submitted, repented, and are still serving The Lord. Those that are or were ill serve faithfully.
The fact is, most people assume they know those they see often. Being in the lime light causes people develop a relationship with you without ever speaking to you. They see you and admire you. They admire you and idolize you. Yet they only know one side of you. In my case, people see the demur Latina who looks like a guera, belts like a black girl, and bleeds vocally. They see someone desperate to know and expedite The Lord, but they do not see all that The Lord has done
To bring me to that place. They see only a fraction of reality.
That's the natural side of it, but spiritually speaking, leaders endure more and harsher attacks. Pray for your leaders.
 
J

Jordache

Guest
#12
#12
Wow... the auto correct on my iPhone changed half of my words. Point 1: I am not pursuing any romantic relationships. My pursuits are elsewhere. Point 2: pray for your leaders.
 
H

Hellooo

Guest
#13
#13
I apologize...I didn't mean to infer in any way that you were unintelligent...I said be careful b/c you said you were waiting for a prince charming to walk in, and you've been open about some of the things you've previously struggled with. I'm genuinely sorry if it came off as condescending...I would wish the same to any of my friends or sisters offline, I don't like to see them get hurt.

To answer your actual question, no, I don't think there's someone who will fit into all of the checkboxes of the 'ideal' criteria. That doesn't stop many people,however, from looking for that 'perfect' guy or girl, or trying to mold someone into their ideal.
 
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