I wish I didn't have to ask, but I need to see the light!!!!

[eyeknowhelovesme]

Where to begin??? From then to now, so much has happened, and honestly I am so confused!!!

A little over a year now mine and my husband's 4 year old daughter confided in me that a person in my husband's family had touched inappropriately. It was a hard conversation to have and one that I didn't want to have, but I told my husband what our daughter had told me in the same explicit detail. At that very moment my husband became angry at me for telling him and said that he didn't believe it was true. Me and my daughter were gone for a period of time and during that time I had told my husband that what he did was up to him, but I wanted to keep our daughter safe and I felt the best way to do this was to maintain NO CONTACT between our daughter and the one she alleged touched her inappropriately. My husband agreed that he would maintain no contact between the two of them and me and my daughter returned home.

That wasn't the end, but the beginning of over a year of nightmare. My husband and I are and have been completely divided on the issue. Although my husband agreed to NO CONTACT between the two, it is a constant battle to maintain NO CONTACT. My husband and I fight all of the time. Since this has happened I have been abused in every way imaginable and for most of you the answer probably seems clear that I should leave.....Until you consider the fact that my husband believes the perp and not our daughter and would allow the perp around our daughter if I wasn't the shield protecting her. I've involved the law as much as they are willing to be involved. I have spoken with an attorney, a counselor, and CPS but no one has made any intervention or investigation because we've maintained NO CONTACT. My husband and I have offered to pay for a lie detector test for the perp to prove innocence, but the perp has not to this day taken the lie detector. I believe my daughter and I will fight to protect her up to the second of my death, but at times I don't know how to fight or what to fight for.

I read the Bible all of the time looking for an answer. I know God is against divorce and for family. I know Jesus commanded us to love our brother as we love ourselves. I am trying to apply the commandments to my daily life and more than anything I want to be obedient to the Lord out of both love and fear!!!! But after this past year I truly don't believe that my husband has any good will toward me or my daughter. I cannot find it in my spirit to be obedient to my husband out of lack of trust. I wish I had an answer of what to do. It seems to me that if I stay in this house with my husband I have to fight to keep our daughter protected and then she isn't protected because she is witnessing her dad being mean to her mom and she feels its her fault.....and if I separate would that make my husband unholy and my children unholy. I don't want to make a choice that would anger God, break a vow, or bring a curse on future generations.

I don't know what it is, but I feel something is pushing me out the door of this house I share with my husband. We have had major electrical issues, our heat pump went out, we were without hot water, etc. a lot of weird things going on with the house that all began happening in the past few months.

Although no one can know the mind of God maybe one of you have a better understanding of the Bible, what would Jesus do?

 

[santuzza]

First, you don't say whether you and your husband are Christians. If neither of you have ever made a commitment to Jesus Christ, NOW is the time. Reading the Bible does not make you a Christian -- committing your life to Christ does. Get yourselves in a Bible-believing church and pray, pray, pray.

Second, move out with your daughter. This does NOT mean I'm advocating for a divorce. Separation is not divorce. But you and your daughter need to be in a safe place.

Third, you and your husband need to get biblical/Christian marriage counseling. This needs to happen before you move back in together (and continue even when you do move back in). You two need to be on the same page with this. And there seem to be other issues as well since your hubby apparently is taking his family's side over you and your daughter -- generally not a good sign.

God's blessing on your family.

 

[Ace85]

Good on you for believing your daughter! It's easy to think that children at that age are liars and make things up, but it's times like these that children need to be listened to. I wasn't.
I'm not a parent, nor am I married, but I would say that your daughter's emotional and spiritual health is very important! Children are not meant to be sexualised at that age, and it can be damaging. Support your daughter, and listen to her. Maybe even seek some professional help, so that she can deal with it now, and not 20 years from now.
Is it possible that this family member could've done the same thing to someone else? A cousin? Their own child? Would it be possible for you to make discreet, 'casual' enquiries of other people in the family? If you manage to find someone to corroborate your story, then you have an ally/someone to back you up.
I'm sorry, I can't give you any advice on your marriage, but I will say this - If your daughter is scared of this person, and if she gets upset at the thought of seeing them - do whatever it takes to keep her away!
I'll certainly be praying for you, and hope that things work out for the best. May God guide you in your decisions and lead you forward. And may God help your daughter to overcome this, and be set free.
God bless you!

 

[nimbus3852]

This is serious. Involve the police.

 

[sandtigeress]

First of, there is no chance, that separtion or any such thing, will make (!) anyone unholy.
What you did about the non contract was a very good idea. pray, what to do.

You are right in protecting your daughter and you are right in believing her and for doing all the right steps,
including lie detector and police and getting your husband to the NO CONTACT agreement.

Would it be possible, to move somewhere else (the whole family), where you would not be pressured into meeting that person and your husband would not think about mending the rift, by including your daughter into having contact, in order to have his woldview.

But if that person, was inappropriate with an 4 year old, he might do that to another child too, but as you reported it, there is not much else to do.

 

[Fenner]

It's appalling to me that your husband. Doesn't believe your daughter. I would leave, maybe try counseling. But for the safety of you and your innocent child find a safe place to go. You're children of God he doesn't want any of his children abused'