it been a quest in my own mind . but its finding so how the balance between thankfull ness and fear. if its only fear then if we dont understand then questions of doubt set in of me . feelling sorry or some i dont care im going to experience this what the majority have so easiely. thats why we have to be thankful of other things that our Creator has given us that so important. our wise our mind is nawwarow minded and cant think of any thing wlse but being happy and having that sexual desire of a object of desire that isnt her but it. if i didnt unstand this which at time i like to believe its her because its more desirable. its only a it freshly object that is burn away for a eternety .not her but the Creators design of art we crave. but are we going to love this more than Jesus . when the test to the extreme to know what we love to the extreme . is a time , apoint to the ultimate choise . one or the other forever and never. w can not envy ik the test isnt between how much other have it so much better than i have it . which they do . but the test is only between me and Jesus.