In Need of Advice

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withlove94

Guest
#1
#1
So, I am really stuck in a rut here. I need some good advice. Let's start the story.
So, there's this guy. (Typical huh?) But, I really really really like him. We've been great friends for about a year and a half. I am head over heels in love with him. I keep him completely clueless of my feelings for fear that it would ruin our friendship. He is huge in his church, plays in a band, his dad's a preacher. I mean he's pretty much the best thing that's ever happened to me. I've prayed about it a lot and I half-heartedly feel like he's "the one". Ya know? I just--He's the type of person that any girl would fall in love with. But here's a twist. I'm best friends with his sister. and while he was dating the last girl for about a year, I became really close to her. Do I hurt her to pursue the man of my dreams? Do I even let him know how I feel? Should I risk my friendship for a relationship? I have no idea what to do. I've prayed about the situation a lot. I come up completely conflicted between my head and my heart. I love him, and he knows that I do. But he believes it to be the same type of love that he has for me--the love of a family. But I care for him much more than that. What do I do? Someone. Please, I beg of you to lend your wisdom. And BTW this guy--Well, he'll be 21 on the 21st of this month and I'll be 16 in August. :(
 
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sportygirl

Guest
#2
#2
Ok, im going to be honest here even though I doubt its what you want to hear. And I want you to know I'm not trying to be mean and that theres no given rules for anything, so I could be wrong but still heres my opinion. With the thinking your in love and that he's "the one" I can't help but wonder if it's just a crush. I mean I understand you really like him and havee strong feelings for him, I guess I just find the word love very strong and for me even in a long relationship it can be hard to know. Than theres the age difference 21 and 16 is a pretty big difference not number wise necessarily but place in life, you guys are looking for different things right now, and also if he is a leader in your church adn such a college age person dating a high schooler is not ok. With the sister if things are meant to work out than she will understand youdont have to do anything that will step between you to.

You also say the type of love he has for you is family love, and I believe thats true. I've seen similar situations with teh guy Im interested in actually, he is a leader at his church and so is friends with all the younger girls but he also knows he cant date someone he is leading and sees as a sister. Theres a line there that has to be recognized on his part. I would say keep praying about and ask God truely for answer, and give God your desires, ask him what he wants not what you want. Sometimes our needs cloud over what God intends.

I will say though on a positive note that if it is God's plan for you and the guy than it will happen in God's time. So you dont need to stress about it either way. I'm truely sorry if that was negative I dont want to be I really don't but I've been there, and I've been on the other side of things to. If you have any questions or want to talk im here, and ill be praying for you. Keep your hopes up, God has a good guy in your future! :)
 
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Bytez8888

Guest
#4
#4
Hey withlove94, I really know where you are coming from. I have been in a very similar place as you are now. Their was a girl that i really liked, i kept my feelings to myself and kept thinking of what if's. I prayed about it and asked God for guidance. I never did ask her out, and i ended up becoming very good friends and then growing apart over the last couple years.

In my experience, the "love" i was feeling was actually a crush, infatuation. It was all in my head, and i was connecting and falling in infatuation with a person in my head, not in reality.

So what i can think of right now is if you are serious about liking this boy and wanting to have a relationship, than you need to do something about it. Sitting idly and waiting for God to do it for you is not going to work. We have to ask God for guidance and than make our own decisions. If his sister really is a good friend than she will understand. I have friends who are dating their best friends siblings, and it has worked out well for them since their friends truly cared about them.

I would be cautious and guard your heart, at 21 he is at a very different point in his life than you are. You have a long way to grow, and it will never hurt to slow down and think before acting. The best any of us can do with all the feeligns we have is to pray, pray, pray. We have an all powerful God who loves us, so talk to him.
 
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lightbliss

Guest
#5
#5
I agree with sportygirl and I think it's best if you at least wait until you're 18 to pursue a relationship with someone 18+.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#6
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#6
Nothing anyone can say will make your choice easier. People will simply state whats already obvious.

So what I am going to do is simply make a prediction like a psychic..

You will probably never tell him because 1) you love him too much and won't want to risk the pain of a rejection and 2) your friendship with his sister is a strong psychological reason for you to not even try.

So, my advice to you is simply "get used to it".

Or, you can keep praying he is "the one" even though if he really is "the one" you wouldn't need to pray about it. It would just happen (according to theory).
 
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godsbluesman

Guest
#7
#7
im not a teen ager,but here is my aadvice---let him pursue you. If he does you know it's god's will. then there will be no problems,if you get me.
And-you need to wait till you're an adult before you even think about loving anyone but God. if you want wisdom this is a little (humbly).
not that the age difference is a factor-but your age IS a factor.not sayin you couldnt handle whatever or whatever,but focus on God at this point in your life,Not things of the flesh. believe me-I had 2 stepdaughters,I would not let them date being underage.mom and I split up and both left church one went gay and anothre was pregnant at 17-because my standard wasnt held up when i was gone...my advice is sound, please try it.I would hate to see you get into trouble ( not sayin you will but could) :):):):)
 
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withlove94

Guest
#8
#8
Thanks godsbluesman! :) I take heed to what each of you have said. And are saying. I am praying about it and have come to the decision to wait it out and see what God has planned for my future! I'm not even out of highschool so my life could go anywhere! Thank you all for your support and help! God bless you!
 
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